on the road

We spent the last 24 hours in Lexington and were so blessed to spend time with good friends and having some great conversations at Asbury University, our alma mater.  Ah...the students look so young :)  Lily finally said, "I just don't understand what is happening here.  Like, are these big kids learning their 1, 2, 3's, or...?  What are they learning?  And why aren't they allowed to live with their parents?  Do they get to SEE their parents?  Is this like jail for big kids who don't know their 1, 2, 3's?"

It's such a beautiful campus and special place to us both!  It was also such a blessing to be with Scott and Lacey...so thankful for their dear friendship, hospitality and to get to be a part of their lives for a bit.

Now we're back on the road to Atlanta, excited about a weekend with our dear friends, Maria and Elisa, and some time with Elisa's family, who have spent good time with us in Haiti and have become 

dear friends as well!  Hopefully Atlanta will be warmer than Columbus :)

The Struggle.

from Matt's blog...

Living in Haiti for eight years now has forced me to think a lot about what it means to struggle. Webster’s defines “struggle” as “to try very hard to do, achieve, or deal with something that is difficult or that causes problems.” This word best translated into Haitian Kreyòl is “loute” (pronounced “loo-tay”), which also means “wrestle”. 

Haiti is a land of struggle, a land of wrestling. The greatest struggle in Haiti is the problem of poverty, which is linked to so many other struggles. This is attested to through the fact that when you are to greet someone in Haiti by asking “how are you?,” you will occasionally get the response, “m ap loute,” which means, “I’m struggling!” It’s not a complaint as much as it is a reality; it’s just the way things are.

The reality is that life is a struggle. This is evidenced especially in current events. People on all sides of all the issues are struggling, wrestling, fighting, trying to gain dominance. This life is struggle. 

In the Bible, the best known example of this sort of thing is Jacob’s wrestling with God (Genesis 32). This is a weird story that interpreters of Scripture have no shortage of explanations for. Jacob, for his whole life, is a fighter, a struggler, a wrestler. Jacob even fights with his twin brother Esau when coming out of the womb. It is in Jacob’s DNA to fight to try to get on top. Jacob even manipulates his way into first place in the family tree (with the help of his mother). Jacob also fights with his father-in-law Laban for his daughters and his family. He loses the fight once when Laban gives him the wrong daughter on purpose. Jacob won’t be bested twice. Jacob wins the second time.

Jacob is the epitome of human struggle. He represents all of us. He represents the human fight for dominance and the struggle to get what we wants. He is all that it is to be human. 

All of Jacob’s wrestling and struggling comes to a climax when he wrestles God himself. In this wrestling match, however, Jacob comes out of it transformed; this time around, Jacob receives blessing and another name. Not only this, but in this struggle with God himself, he officially receives the inheritance to be the hope of the world (as noted in his name “Israel”). This is the one through whom redemption would come to the world. The name “Israel” means “he strives with God”.

All of this indicates that struggle is instrumental in redemption. Salvation doesn’t come into the world, nor into the life of an individual without struggle. It is through struggle that God works, blesses, and makes his presence known. Struggle is where the Holy Spirit concentrates the power of God for salvation.

Is this not true of the cross itself? The cross is where humanity wrestles with God, God submits, yet wins the hearts of men. 

This can help us consider the struggles in our lives in a new light. We can welcome them, invite God into them, ask God to transform and bless them. It is in our struggle that God’s work is most powerful. The God of the Bible desires to partake in our struggles with us. He wants us to wrestle with what it means to be with him, to walk with him, to be blessed by him. This is the stuff of relationship. Struggle is the fire of purification. 

Struggle with me today and invite God into a broken world. With me, invite God in to redeem our struggles.

very faithful

Today was a very grateful day.  

Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon were in Indiana and drove over this morning to spend the day with us before flying back to Kansas tonight.  While Lily was quick to point out that this was NOT a "real whole day" and that she really wanted a sleepover and Sofie informed us that Uncle Martin is the silliest fun man in the whole wide world, it was still a very full-heart day with dear friends.  

We live in such continual community at home--going to church together, eating together, working together, planning together, playing together, worshiping together, growing together, experiencing so much together--that it's been hard to transition into such independence in all these areas.  Being with Martin and Sharon reminded us that we still live in precious community, even rather alone, and that enjoying life deliberately along the way is no betrayal to the passion and call He's placed on our lives to live and work and pour out among the impoverished.  

I needed that reminder, and we needed these reminders of friendship these past days. 

He is, continues to be, very faithful.

friends

The last few days have been full of creative fun and good friends...we're thankful!

Molly and Trish were dear friends in high school and I'm so blessed to still have them in my life and to finally meet little Sammy!  PLUS they made us dinner and had lots of Ben and Jerry's...Hard to believe how time flies and how sweet it is to be with girls who knew you before everything!

Then today we were off to Finday, Ohio, which DID prove to be half-way, but also proved to be a truly bizarre place to entertain children.  We finally ended up at this pirate-themed bouncy house place (yikes) which the girls enjoyed, nonetheless, and gave us time to catch up!  

Sofie's picture taking skills, though she adores practicing, are still greatly lacking :)

For now, it's still gonna be Lily.

Rick and Carol are dear friends we met and lived with in Haiti forever ago (it feels like) and Carol is the CFO of Emmaus....which basically means she helps me understand (and fix) all of the financial stuff I'm doing there day to day.  Better, they have become such dear life and ministry partners, and head into Haiti in just a few weeks to stay at our house and to wrap up our books for the year and to help Phil and Em...so thankful!  

It's amazing to look at the community around us and marvel at how the Lord has brought so many different people from so many different places into our lives and made them family.

kudos.

When I told Matt we could come out of Haiti a bit early this year for a break, I said, "SPRING."

It was 35 degrees today.  Seriously.  You people are NUTS.

Around noon today, Matt says, "So, do I talk about it being hot in Haiti as many times a day as you talk about it being cold here?"

YES.

And now he finally understands.  

Kudos to all of you who have continued to get up and leave your house and go to work this winter.  Points to all of you who have creatively and joyfully lived inside with your little ones this winter, unable to escape to the great outdoors, refusing to be driven mad.  Bless each and every one of you who have suffered in silence as I post amazing pictures of the beach.

I. am. SORRY.  

You would think we'd receive more hate mail.


Matt is safely back from Lexington having met with some record number of friends and co-workers in just a few days...he was blessed to be in our stomping grounds, blessed to reconnect with so many and thrilled to wander the halls of our alma mater a bit. All meetings and then some went well!

I am breaking my weird semi-anti-social fast tomorrow and start connecting with friends and family...tomorrow with dear ones from high school, Saturday, meeting up with Rick and Carol before they head to Haiti to relieve John and Dorothy, and Monday, the day with Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon, followed by a road trip to Atlanta to see more friends and family!

changing everything

For the many of you asking, we were hiking and camping near Old Man's Cave, Hocking Hills in Logan, Ohio...here's the link if you are interested!  We've been going there since I was a kid and have always loved it!

Team Emmaus is doing so well...things are really starting to heat up (like, in the 90's with a whole buncha humidity) as the school year is starting to wind down.  Everybody is covering and helping out so well, and we are missing their fellowship and friendship so much.  And look at Claudin's baby Christie!!  She is already changing so much...I HATE that!!

Meanwhile, Matt is off in Lexington, KY this week for a few days of meetings at Francis Asbury Society with OMS's Theological Education department, and we are missing him and praying for some great days with some awesome ministry partners.

I took the girls tonight to Sofie's first ever movie-theater experience to see Cinderella.  The fact that Sofie can't sit still for a 20 minute movie at home SHOULD have been a hint that the movie theater wouldn't be all that different.  When Cinderella appeared at the ball, Sofie shouted out at the top of her lungs, "MOMMY, YOU HAFTA BUY ME THAT DRESS!" sooooo, she was paying attention.  Lily was mesmerized and it was a gift to me how kindness and courage and forgiveness were such central themes...you never know :)

If you're not yet sick of my cross-cultural adjustment ramblings, I think I've come to a conclusion. 

This past weekend, we were hiking through Old Man's Cave and talking to Mary and Carl about how shocking so much of what we were seeing was.  

Yes, Lily and Sofie go to bed to the sound of voodoo drums, and yes, they see and experience people bathing in rivers and begging for food, the butchering of pet cows and the eating of cats, kids playing naked and peeing on trees.  I get why these things would seem shocking things for small ones to find normal.

But they do NOT hear foul language, nor see abundances of kid-inappropriate tattoos, public displays of too-much affection, incredibly immodest dress nor have ANY exposure whatsoever to any kind of homosexual or transgender or...I can't even describe some of the confusion I'm seeing...living.

None.  While Haiti may be deep in traditions of curses and fear, relatively consistent moral standards also run deep.  Among Christians and non-Christians alike, abortion is still seen as horrifying, homosexuality still seen as unacceptable, the idea that there IS no God is still seen as absurd, and while it's expected that friends kiss their greetings and pack 20 in a truck, physical intimacy is kept incredibly private and/or secretive.  

So for a 6 and 3 year old, we're having a really hard time explaining these things they've never heard or seen before.  Explaining what.  Explaining why.  Explaining that we can't explain.  Trying to point them towards honoring God in loving all others, honoring God by walking in holiness, honoring God in a world that...just.  DOESN'T.

I mean, yeah, it's hard living in Haiti or living in America.  

But what's HARD is living on earth.  Living set apart.  Living holy in an unholy planet, living light in a dark dark world, living honor in a disgraceful and shameful globe.  

Every day, every decision, every moment. Every relationship. Every action.

THAT is what's hard.  

So hard, in fact, that it's easy to find ourselves excuse-thinking, "Surely God knows how hard it is, and doesn't require all that He SAYS He does.  Surely if God knew what a challenge it is to live set apart, He'd have lots of grace for my foot in the world.  Surely God gets it and doesn't really expect all that cutting off your hand, holy as I am holy, perfect as I am perfect, set apart, 'friendship with the world is hostility toward God' stuff."

This, beloved, is our danger zone.  

I sound like Matt here, but ANY time we find ourselves justifying that surely God does not mean what He says, we are on a slippery slippery slope.

ANY time we find ourselves thinking that the narrow, unpopular, rough path that He outlines in His Word is NOT the ONLY path...is not the path of TODAY, surely...we are on thin ice.

If I've learned anything from ANY culture, it's that all of it falls at the feet of a rare and precious and universal truth: GOD IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS.  

And we're to live as He tells us to live.  We're to look the way He's told us to look, and showed us to look when He sent Jesus.  We're to die as He's told us to die, to sacrifice as He's told us to sacrifice, to crazy as He's told us to crazy, to NOT BE AFRAID as He's told us to not be afraid.

We see in our Bibles and throughout history a million ways a million people thought little exceptions wouldn't matter, little compromises wouldn't break the bank, little lukewarms wouldn't really be spit out.  

I'm not talking about never messing up.  David is always our best example of that, isn't he?  I'm not talking about never messing up.  

I'm talking about being whole-heartedly after God's heart.  NOT whole-heartedly after OUR heart and life and desires that we hope God will bless...NOT whole-heartedly after pleasing the world's heart that we hope God will understand.  

I'm talking about being with our WHOLE hearts entirely about, invested in, passionate for, consumed by, obedient to, sold out to GOD'S heart.  HIS heart.  HIS way.

And while we can talk all day about what that means about Voodoo or tattoos or nudity or language or holding hands, the majority of what the Bible fleshes out is HEART stuff.  

Cringy stuff.  Less obvious stuff.  

I'm ever convinced, today, that we've just gotta be faithful, gotta be obedient, gotta be nuts and GOTTA be laying down our hearts in the face of that cringy stuff and CHANGING.  Every day.  

No excuses.

My day ended today with James 4 (which had me working through some of that cringy stuff in my life) which ended with this:

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

This cross-all-cultural truth blew my whole two-culture struggle thing out of the water.  

Blows all our excuses out of the water.  All our compromises.

If we're in the Word, if we're following Him and also living in this world, if we're seeking His heart in ALL situations...then we know the right thing to do and if we don't, we're living in our sin.  

If we know HIS way and choose OURS, we're embracing our sin.  

If we know Christ and choose the World, we're lost, family.  

A lot...a lot...a LOT of people don't know what is right.  Don't know God, the standard of what is right.  THAT is to be our great concern every day.

But we do. And so the sin we must be focused on casting out each day is NOT voodoo drums nor dark tattoos, not foul-language nor appalling behavior, not homosexuality nor stealing chickens...but mine.

The way to address all the sin around me WHEREVER I am is to ask Him to address MINE.  

Powerfully, severely, completely, transformingly.

Then, my utmost concern is that many, many, many do not know Him (and perhaps many do not know Him because we who do cling so easy to our hidden sin and make it comfortable.)

SO.  All that to say :)  

As I've strained to adjust these past days, I am reminded all over again that what really matters is not between America and I, Haiti and I, or the world and I: but HE and I. 

And God and I, whole-heart?  When God said, "Christ in you, the hope of glory," He meant it.

THAT can change e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

declare the glory of God

Rain brought us home a day early, but it was truly a beautiful and fun and relaxing weekend camping with some truly special and fun people!  So grateful to get to experience a real SPRING for the first time in 8 years (buds! blooms!), to get to be with Carl and Mary, Dad and Cindy, Matt and the girls, for warm-enough weather (even for me) and the GORGEOUS outdoors of Ohio.

...For so much hiking, it felt like REST.  

The girls played "The Croods" in here for an hour :)

to camp.

I L-O-V-E camping for so many reasons.

I love the simplicity of it...Matt always jokes that the pioneer days would have fit me far better.  Dirty dishes?  Burn them.  Dinner? Cook it yourself, and it's fun!  Clean the house?  Shake out your tent.  Plan for the day? Hiking. Or talking. Or eating.  Or eating while talking and hiking.

This love of the outdoors and simplicity probably helped over these years in Haiti. 

But by far, my very favorite thing about camping is that NO ONE can get away from you.

It has been suggested before that this is a weird-stalker type thing to love about camping.

But going out in the woods with people you love who are then STUCK with you--can't get away, have nothing else to do, don't have to go to work or run to the store or check emails or head home at the end of the night--ahhhh.  It's the BEST kind of bonding and my favorite way to relationship.

Again, this weird-stalker love has also probably helped over these years in Haiti where we live in community and there is very little else to do :)

What Matt loves about camping this weekend is that it is only 60 degrees at the hottest time of the day.

This love of cold weather has probably NOT helped him over these years in Haiti.

So thankful our favorite camping friends, Carl and Mary, are joining us...grateful that Dad is going to make it out and even Cindy for part of the time, and looking forward to some time stuck with my family...and with marshmallows.

See you on Monday!

Whoo-hoo!

Check out our new site to...
  - learn about upcoming big events 
  - sign up to receive updates from EBS
  - find ways to get involved at Emmaus
  - see a list of current EBS partners
  - become a church or business sponsor and reach new customers at the same time
  - register your church for a Hearts on Fire Giving Sunday this summer
  - become a Legacy Giver of Emmaus
  - learn about sponsoring a student, coming on a team, coming as an intern, or making a donation

...and to get tickets for August 9th's powerful night of music, testimony and worship with our family, the Heckmans, Junior AND Sidewalk Prophets!!

Big news for EBS!

It all came together so much differently than we had ever thought...different ways, different timing, different partnerships and a different road, and yet that is OFTEN how He works, isn't it?  His different has always proved GOOD!

It is with VERY grateful and excited hearts that our Emmaus Biblical Seminary family announce a brand new partnership website and a really big ole' event (like, REALLY BIG) at the end of the summer...along with some awesome new ways to get involved and stay involved at Emmaus!

Tomorrow, it's all LAUNCH....and I JUST. CAN'T. WAIT. to tell you...

SO.  See you then...

just. exactly. perfect.

I know telling you that we are expecting yet another precious girl is enough of a reveal today, but I've got to share a quick testimony before we head to bed...

This is all taking a lot of adjusting.

I know.  That's dumb.  I'm FROM here.

But we just went from one very extreme extreme to a very extreme opposite extreme.  This house is empty and quiet.  Our house was NEVER empty nor quiet.  There is NO ONE at this door.  There might as well not BE a door at home.  NoONE needs us.  From feeling like EVERYONE needed something, always.  We went from feeling so much responsibility to feeling so little, from being involved in SO much to being involved in so little, from feeling like every minute was pre-filled to thinking about how we want to fill the minutes.

It was hot, now we're cold, I was cooking beans and rice for 18 people A WEEK ago and tonight we had a whole dinner of foods we haven't had in almost a year...chicken breast, sweet potatoes, grapes, tortellini.  Ice cream.  For four.

We had NO medical care and suddenly we've been to the doctor twice in two days, have dentist appointments next week...had no roads and packed out transportation and suddenly have this spacious van and smoothness and GPS...no choices and suddenly have aisles and aisles and aisles.   So many people we couldn't see and now so many people we want to.  Every evening was full of dear friends and visitors and our team...suddenly, everything is SO. QUIET.

So Quiet is right where I believe He has our hearts...and I'm fighting myself not to FILL IT with busy and crazy and travel and guilt and more BUSY.  Fighting to hold onto the quiet and lack of responsibility and lack of need and rest in Him.  Sit at His feet.  Be His.

I've been praying simple prayers these days instead of the huge circus prayers of supernatural strength and ability I've grown accustomed to.

may the baby be healthy.
give us some friends for Lily.
give us your peace and voice.
give us your perspective.
give us your fullness.
be our rest.

So in the ultrasound room this morning, learning of another dear girl...I couldn't help but feel a schmidge bit disappointed at the thought of perhaps never having a son.  Then there was some mixed feedback about her name we've held close for months, Nora, light and compassion, which of course, got to me more than it should have.  Then Lily begged again for some friends and is literally going out in the woods behind grandpa's house to look for friends.  Then Matt got irritated with us that Lily and Sofie find it very hard to leave him alone while he's working on his doctorate, and all under one roof, there is no office to go to.

So I made a split decision, told the girls to bundle up, and the three of us headed for the playground a few minutes away.

Alone.  Quiet.
Needing Him to meet me there.  Waiting.

When we arrived, there was no one there but 3 teenage girls chatting dramatically and making me SO thankful I am no longer a teenage girl and for people like Emily, who love them dearly, and made me start praying for my girls.

No friends.  A freezing 60 degrees.  Grouchy Matt at home.  Precious baby girl.  What were we DOING here?

Trying to let all the complicated ways I feel just BE and not chase them off.  Trying to search Him out in them.

After an hour of no real friend finding, it was time to be starting dinner and the girls were getting bored and I was frozen.  Time to go home.

I would just have to wait.  Not put all my issues on the playground.
He would show.  He always does.  I would trust Him.

Suddenly, a brigade of three little brown-eyed girls, about 8, 5 and 3, came tumbling out of nowhere, and Lily almost mugged them with friendship, and Sofie close behind.  They all ran and played...them, barefoot, my bronze girlies, bundled from head to toe.

I smiled to see Lily smile and she came running over...

"MOM, guess what?  HER NAME IS LILY.  She is my new friend."

He shows.  He always does.  Answered little prayer.

Missing my community and yet not quite sure or ready to be as vivacious about friend-making as Lily, I held back on the bench.  Finally, a mom, who ends up being the mom of the three, asks me what kind of curlers I used on Lily's hair, and despite my fear of not knowing how to talk in this weird culture of mine, I walk over.  She shows me her three girls, and says, "Your Lily told me that you are having a baby girl?"

Yes, I say, another sweet girl.

"Oh," she says.  "It's just the best. You're going to LOVE it.  Having three girls is simply wonderful."

Of course it is, I realize. Yet so good to be reminded.

He shows.  He always does.

I ask her about her girls.

She shows me her oldest chasing my Lily, then her Lily, and then her youngest.

Nora.

No joke.  Her name was Nora.  TODAY.  First Nora I've ever met.

I watch Nora and Sofie as they hold hands down the slide, both grinning, Nora's round cheeks flushed.

He shows.  He always does.

We talk for a minute, and she asks where we live...and I always hesitate here, and either give the, "My dad lives a few minutes from here" easy answer or the rare, "In Haiti" answer, which results in quite the spectrum of responses, most of which are responses out of the thought that I said or meant Tahiti, and say something like, "Wow, that must be nice" and start backing away like I must be a judgmental bunned missionary or a crazy extreme voluntary homeless type person.

She gracefully grinned and said, "That's cool.  My church sends groups to Haiti all the time, and everyone just loves it there."  It wasn't long before the missionary was being missionaried (THANK YOU, all those blogs I've butchered on us ALL being missionaries) and she was inviting me to her church.  And telling me when her children would be there, for my children...risky info not many new people we meet here are willing to divulge for fear that we might actually be kid-stalkers or something.

After the girls have played for over 30 minutes, we all have to go, and Matt is glad we are home, and dinner is SUCH a blessing to be ABLE to prepare in 30 minutes instead of having to hit the 3 pm window to get it done in time.

I realize that in one day, just today, He pursued me.  Met me.  Answered me.  Continued with me.

Gave us a beautiful report of a healthy little precious daughter.  Gave Lily a Lily and gave me a Nora and reminded me He is paying attention and cares intimately and is in the details and is alive and well  and moving...even in weirdness.  Adjustment.  Transition.  Quietness.  Non-busy-ness.

That when I come to His feet, even at a playground, that when I SIT, even in that weird fake American playground grass...that when I wait...that when I listen...

That He meets me.  Everytime, in His time.  In His way.

Which today...which everyday...was just exactly perfect.

oh, for grace

So blessed today just to be able to be in ANY church.  The day started with Sofie asking if we were going to Belony's church, or maybe Granny's, and our response that we were going somewhere totally different.

As soon as we walked in, Lily pulled my hand and whispered, "Mom, EVERYTHING in here is SO smooth.  This church is REALLY smooth."

She kept motioning smoothness with her hands, and as I looked around, I understand what she means...all our dirt floor, tin topped, woven block churches are different, aren't they.  Rough.  Today, the air was cool, the lines were smooth, the rows were perfect, the windows were square.

Worshipping in English while everyone else worshiped in English, too, was special, really special.  Songs I didn't have to search for in our rainbow of Haitian Hymnal, words I didn't need to read to know, to sing, to worship.

Trying to explain to the girls why the man preaching was on a screen preaching at a different location and not really there, but actually a real preaching person and not a movie?  Not so easy.

Trying to explain to the girls that the kid section of benches they were looking for was actually not IN the room with everyone else, but outside in a different kid room, also not easy.

Lily was also hoping I could explain the beard-beard-everywhere thing.  But, someone else will have to help me out there.  She thought maybe it's because everyone's faces are colder here?

Also trying to explain why the services in Haiti DON'T come with tables of coffee and snacks was not simple...Lil and Sof think churches with doughnuts are a very good idea.

How interesting it was, for us, as the man on the screen preached on a reality Matt has preached on many times in Haiti.  Can't avoid it in ANY culture, suffering.  What to do with it.  How to deal with it.  Where God is in the midst of it.

His versions of suffering were true and deep.  All suffering issues no first nor fifth world have found a way to solve...divorce, rebellious children, cancer, car accidents, tragedy.

Matt's examples of suffering are true and deep, too...always focusing more on hunger.  Unexplained sickness and no medical care.  Death, poverty, disease.  Starvation.  Homelessness.  Orphans.  Corruption and injustice.

But either way, it is suffering, and I found myself identifying with ALL of it.  Yet how we think about God in the midst of it is what matters.  How we choose fear or trust.

The man on the screen was spot on...God is good in the midst.  God is there in the midst.  Anything we have to bargain with is already His anyway.  There are no lines in the sand before the Lord...just abandonment.  Just trust.  No untouchables.  Nothing to be kept or protected by ourselves.

Nothing smooth.  Not really.  Not anywhere.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust you

How I've proved you over and over

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

Oh for grace to trust you more.

baby shower

Today Lisa, Evie, Sofie, Lily and I picked up Miss Cindy (while Grandpa and Matt went golfing!) and headed to my brother's baby shower.

I am still trying to get my "Evie loves her Aunt Stacey" photo...we're getting closer.  One day this summer!

We girls were all cute and match...but of course that means nobody wanted to take a picture :)

So good to be with my sis.

Evie was also not really feeling the baby shower :)  But Lily and Sofie had a blast and wouldn't mind going to daily baby showers.  

 Today was the first time my brother met Evie, and that reunion was priceless:

He and Megan are expecting a little girl in May.  

We're just layering the girls up, enjoying time with family, and looking forward to an English Sabbath tomorrow.  

We're right at the kick-off of something BIG (everybody needs to STOP guessing twins!  That is not it!  I mean...we don't think so :)

....coming soon!

community

How sweet the sound of both my girlies exploding with peals of laughter at Aunt Lisa outside on the playground I grew up on, drinking coffee that actually needs to be hot.  

We had such a sweet send off yesterday from a group we would never WANT to say good-bye to.  It was a long day, but our first flight with American Airlines out of Cap-Haitien was just SO much better than ANY of our previous adventures, and leaving Haiti at 2 pm had us arrive in Columbus, Ohio by 9 pm.  Unbelievable.  (remember last year having to fly through Port-au-Prince, where they lost our bags, and Sofie threw up 5 times throughout the day on flights? Yeah.  This was BETTER.)

Some of our very favorite people on earth, from June to Granny to our favorite interns to our dear Heckmans to Mish and Gertha....so blessed.

We were also totally blessed to bump into an old acquaintance at the airport in Cap and travel a bit with him and to have our first meal in America with him!  Thanks, Bill E., for dinner and for all your patience as it took us 20 minutes to decide and as we rotated clapping and licking our fingers through dinner.  Though it's been years since we've seen him, he was as up to date as our post yesterday morning, and just realizing that people are checking up on you and PRAYING is such an encouragement.

Today we spent unpacking, cleaning (no one has been living in my dad's house, where we'll be staying, for the past year!), and getting groceries (ALWAYS overwhelming, those first few times...the CHOICES!) and toiletries, etc., then picked up my little sister and sweet niece at 3...they flew in from Philly today to be with us for our first weekend!  So so thankful.

Yes, Evie is still not so sure about Aunt Stacey.  The Cold Stone right off the plane helped (both of us) significantly. 

Thankful for community...the kind we have in Haiti, the kind we have in America, the kind we have like Bill, who read and pray and love, the kind we have in Him.

faith

Lately, the baby has been kicking my brain awake around 5, and my brain, of course, is the only thing good at kicking ME awake an hour earlier than I have to be.

I think.

I think about how easy it is to bless one another, deeply.

Quick emails from Lisa, Jane, Elise, Meg, Carol, knowing I struggle with change, knowing these days are complicated, even in my own heart, bless me.

Marilyn joyfully insisting on hosting prayer meeting for me so we could spend our last evening preparing and cherishing.

A sweet chunk of our staff, coming to pray with us and sing with us and surround and support us yesterday, joyful for our joy, sad for our absence, sharing sweet memories of the past years.

And Him.

I think about How easy it is to be blessed by little snatches of Him...His heart, His voice, His steady reminders.

The faithfulness of the past--however long I look--of Him is overwhelming.

When James tells us to ask in faith, without any doubting, I realize that if the only faith we ever stepped out on was just the deep faithfulness of God to our forefathers, it would be enough.  If we only stepped out on the faith of His past faithfulness, there would be stretches of faith long enough to walk on forever.

I look, I see--on the surface and behind the scenes--his deep faithfulness to so many of our Haitian brothers and sisters...family you may have though hopeless, faithfulness you would have thought impossible.  They are waking now, with me, stepping out on faith for a new day, trusting.

I see how He's provided Rosa, a gift, and Caleb, a blessing.  Young people we didn't know from Adam, quickly hemmed in and growing with us and giving all they have.  He's provided Dodo and Bubba, making it possible for us to get the rest we are needing.

I remember, I remember other late nights talking with Matt, worrying that the upcoming 2 years of life with the Heckman family might just be a disaster...so little in common, so little knowledge of them, no real friendship before living a literal 10 feet apart.  Their kids were older, they were gifted and called to work with youth (Stacey YIKES), we'd only met them for 1 hour at McDonald's once and Phil ate an unimaginable number of chicken nuggets.  What were we going to do?

Suddenly, 2 years later, they have joyfully agreed to our beggings to keep living life with us, and marvel at His faithfulness to transform my "realistic" expectations into deeper friendships than I ever could have imagined, a family who is deeply known and knows us deeply, a family of passion for Christ, a family always growing in Him, a family of wisdom and service, humor and friendship, unafraid, choosing faith with us.

I remember one year ago...an excruciatingly painful revealing, breaking, plucking.  Nights of deep welled tears.  Huge change, unknowing HOW in the world He would well carry the future.  I look at the handsome-with-Christ faces who have since been brought in, I look at the unimaginable growth and independence and servanthood...all never which would have been possible.  I realize again and again how He was in the broken, He was the solution, and how He has been faithfully marching us on.

Prove yourselves doers of the word,
not merely hearers.

I realize again and again as we take a break from many of the heavy responsibilities of daily life in full-time ministry here in Haiti, that we are not in any way, shape or form released from being in full-time ministry.  Released, even for a day or two, from being DOERS of the Word, not merely hearers.

I realize that just as we are packing for blueberries, we are also packing for a missions trip to a different foreign country, and I am so grateful for His call and His promise and His offer of just. this. day. to be in Him and to give Him.

What use is it if someone says he has faith, 
but he has no works?  Can that faith save Him?
If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food,
and one of you says to them, 
"Go in peace, be warm and filled,"
Yet you do not do anything that is necessary for their body,
what use is that?

Faith must work with works, and as a result, faith will be perfected.

Thank you for the sweet fragrance of your prayers.  They are always so deeply felt and have carried us in ways none of us know.