faith

Lately, the baby has been kicking my brain awake around 5, and my brain, of course, is the only thing good at kicking ME awake an hour earlier than I have to be.

I think.

I think about how easy it is to bless one another, deeply.

Quick emails from Lisa, Jane, Elise, Meg, Carol, knowing I struggle with change, knowing these days are complicated, even in my own heart, bless me.

Marilyn joyfully insisting on hosting prayer meeting for me so we could spend our last evening preparing and cherishing.

A sweet chunk of our staff, coming to pray with us and sing with us and surround and support us yesterday, joyful for our joy, sad for our absence, sharing sweet memories of the past years.

And Him.

I think about How easy it is to be blessed by little snatches of Him...His heart, His voice, His steady reminders.

The faithfulness of the past--however long I look--of Him is overwhelming.

When James tells us to ask in faith, without any doubting, I realize that if the only faith we ever stepped out on was just the deep faithfulness of God to our forefathers, it would be enough.  If we only stepped out on the faith of His past faithfulness, there would be stretches of faith long enough to walk on forever.

I look, I see--on the surface and behind the scenes--his deep faithfulness to so many of our Haitian brothers and sisters...family you may have though hopeless, faithfulness you would have thought impossible.  They are waking now, with me, stepping out on faith for a new day, trusting.

I see how He's provided Rosa, a gift, and Caleb, a blessing.  Young people we didn't know from Adam, quickly hemmed in and growing with us and giving all they have.  He's provided Dodo and Bubba, making it possible for us to get the rest we are needing.

I remember, I remember other late nights talking with Matt, worrying that the upcoming 2 years of life with the Heckman family might just be a disaster...so little in common, so little knowledge of them, no real friendship before living a literal 10 feet apart.  Their kids were older, they were gifted and called to work with youth (Stacey YIKES), we'd only met them for 1 hour at McDonald's once and Phil ate an unimaginable number of chicken nuggets.  What were we going to do?

Suddenly, 2 years later, they have joyfully agreed to our beggings to keep living life with us, and marvel at His faithfulness to transform my "realistic" expectations into deeper friendships than I ever could have imagined, a family who is deeply known and knows us deeply, a family of passion for Christ, a family always growing in Him, a family of wisdom and service, humor and friendship, unafraid, choosing faith with us.

I remember one year ago...an excruciatingly painful revealing, breaking, plucking.  Nights of deep welled tears.  Huge change, unknowing HOW in the world He would well carry the future.  I look at the handsome-with-Christ faces who have since been brought in, I look at the unimaginable growth and independence and servanthood...all never which would have been possible.  I realize again and again how He was in the broken, He was the solution, and how He has been faithfully marching us on.

Prove yourselves doers of the word,
not merely hearers.

I realize again and again as we take a break from many of the heavy responsibilities of daily life in full-time ministry here in Haiti, that we are not in any way, shape or form released from being in full-time ministry.  Released, even for a day or two, from being DOERS of the Word, not merely hearers.

I realize that just as we are packing for blueberries, we are also packing for a missions trip to a different foreign country, and I am so grateful for His call and His promise and His offer of just. this. day. to be in Him and to give Him.

What use is it if someone says he has faith, 
but he has no works?  Can that faith save Him?
If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food,
and one of you says to them, 
"Go in peace, be warm and filled,"
Yet you do not do anything that is necessary for their body,
what use is that?

Faith must work with works, and as a result, faith will be perfected.

Thank you for the sweet fragrance of your prayers.  They are always so deeply felt and have carried us in ways none of us know.