thankful

-that there are people coming to help.  That people want to come.  That people are willing to come.  That we have help. 

-that Bud and Cindy went to Port for two weeks, partially to "get away", and yet they still want to talk to us!  Those are friends!

-that Carol and Rick are back!

-that Enick just stopped by, catching us up on life and ministry in Coup-a-David, for the chance to pray with him, to laugh with him, to know better how to pray...and maybe now I can convince Matt (and Don, and Eric, and Jeremiah) that THIS Sunday would be a GREAT Sunday to worship in the mountains!

-that we have good teachers...good teachers who smile....who love God....who study endlessly.

-that we have good students...students who ask TONS of questions...who love God...who study endlessly.

-that it's pay day, which means it's staff-very-happy day!

-that we have to mostly healthy, mostly happy, very lovely, very chatty, very messy, very ornery little pigtailed girls, that they are His, and that He's sharing them so generously with us

-that it really is finally a bit cooler...like 88 during the day, but down to 68 at night!  I'm not sure how this is, but you REALLY can see your breathe in the morning!

-that our internet is working again, for a long phone call with my sister on Sunday, that we are able to be emailing and facebooking and talking to friends and family all over the globe from our mud hut village!  Pretty crazy...

-for the encouraging emails, blog responses and occasional letters coming from YOU.  We're touched almost daily to be reminded of your prayers, and man, there's just nothing we want more than to be in your prayers and in His hands!  

THANK YOU!

i take that back

Well, Uncle Don (or Uncle O-Don, according to Lily's poster) and the guys decided they just weren't gonna take no for an answer (maybe when they heard we had built bunk beds for them, or that Matt had his hopes set on Man Week, or when they realized I'd been stocking up on precious meat?). 

They drove south as far as they needed and hopped a plane from Virginia, or something like that.  I don't know, but Lord willing they fly in tomorrow.

Praising the Lord for that unexpected gift!    

sha-la-la-la.

The good...

We had a great dinner with our Bethel family tonight...so good to have them here, to catch up, and to see Haiti a bit through their eyes.

The frustrating...

For three full days now we have had very little to no internet, and while I realize missionaries of the day got annual letters written on animal skin, but we rather count on have access to the "world"...it's been frustrating.

Due to not having internet, we found out today that the same Sandy that barely spit on us a few days ago is nailing New Jersey, which unfortunately is where Uncle Don, Eric and Jeremiah were supposed to fly out of tomorrow to come spend 1-2.5 weeks with us doing some big electrical/mechanical/boy projects.

We just finished building bunk beds in the guest room, Lily decorating their door, buying food and working on the schedule to accommodate, and Matt, especially, has been SO excited for family and friends from home.  And Aunt Brenda had a suitcase full of necessities and goodies for us.   Bother.  Life comes with it's disappointments.

Hence, no posting.

The funny...

The whole ordeal with the cake.   Night before the wedding:   Noel-"Can I come at 6 am to get the cake Saturday morning?"  Stacey, "Sure."

7:00 AM:  Noel- "Can my sisters and I come and iron all of our clothing and all of the kids clothing and the wedding party's clothing?"  Stacey, "Of course!"

9:00 AM: Noel- "Can we borrow a bunch of totes to transport all the clothes and cake in?"  Stacey, "Sure!  Let me box them all up for you."

11:00 AM, fixing lunch for other friends and other friends are here:  "Can you take the cake off the stand it is on, wrap the stand in wrapping paper, and put the cake back on it, without ruining the cake?"

Hold your breath....Stacey:  "No...I can't do that without ruining the cake."  (look there.  I said no.  AND I assumed that the cake could indeed be WORSE)

11:45 AM, still with friends, chasing the girls, doing laundry, finishing lunch.  Noel's sister: "Can you collect flowers from around the yard and make 6 bouquets, one for each member of the bridal party?  And we have to leave in 30 minutes!"

Stacey:  "I'm sorry!  I just can't do that right now!  But you are welcome to walk around the campus and gather whatever flowers you would like and use my scissors and string!"

Ta-DAH!  I can and I DID.  Yes, I realize that technically I did not say "no."  But I did. I did say no, mind you...eventually.

And then, to top it all off, when the wedding was over, and everyone went to the reception, and the groom stood up to welcome and thank everyone, he instead told everyone that due to lack of funds, there would be no reception, gave his regrets, and everyone went home.

Which yes.  Means there was no reception FOR the cake.

or the Pringles cans.

And the hilarious...

When Lily came home from school last Friday, I asked her the typical, "What did you learn?" and she gave me her typical, "Nothin'."

But then, said, "No wait, I did learn a new dance and song today!"

"OH, show me!" I said, excited to hear a song about Jesus or colors or counting.

"SHA-La-La-La, SHA-La-La-La!" she burst out, hands on her little hips, shaking her rear with all the attitude she had.

Adorable and hilarious as it was, I realized this must have been a dance/song she learned on the playground, not in class.

"Did you learn that from your friends?" I asked.

"Oh, no!" she replied.  "My teacher taught us and taught us it today, and we all had to practice a bunch...MOM, you're not doing it right!  Teacher said, Sha-La-La-LA!"

OK, so...I don't know what I'd do with 60 3 year-olds, either.  If Lily's having a blast with other kiddos, I'll keep working on ABC's at home :)

So, all weekend she's dancing this song, and by this morning, even had Sofie shaking her hips and singing "la-la-la-la".

So, this afternoon, at the start of women's Bible study, the kitchen/laundry/house ladies and I were chatting, and I was telling them about what Lily is learning at school.

"The other day, Lily came home from school and told me her teacher taught her a song.  Then, she started singing and dancing."  I showed them Lily's little dance, laughing at how silly...thinking they would, too.

OH NO I DIDN'T.

Immediately, Paulcine jumped up from the table, threw her hands on her hips and sang through all eight verses of the song, dancing and singing, quickly joined by the other women, all between 40-60, chanting off the melody seriously and dancing like school girls.

I'm sure I just stared.  "Oh.  So....  Wow! That's a real song then, huh.  Huh.  Everyone learns that in school?  OK!  I like it!  Well...Sha-la-la-la!"

I was laughing so hard afterwards, thanking the Lord again for this culture and family He has brought into my life.

Everything, so different.  The realization that so very little of that matters.  Only HIM.

take the cake.

If you're needing a laugh, here it is.

Noel's sister (one of 9) is getting married Saturday.  She's marrying one of my past students from the Saccanville Evangelical English Program (SEEP) I taught before Sofie was born.

Because I am the only woman in Saccanville with an oven,  everyone knows I NEVER say NO,  Eloude knew I would never charge her... I love Noel, I agreed to make the wedding cake (I could easily whip up a nice white 9x13, right?) and make copies of the programs (2 minutes at the Seminary).

What in the world was I thinking.

So, at 5 pm last night, right as I started dinner for my family, Noel showed up, and said, "I am here to help you make the cake."  

Right before supper is not the girls' best time.  They're getting hungry, Matt had just walked in the door, noodles were on the stove.  But if I told Noel I'd do it in a few hours, she would have sat and waited.  So, I knew it was best to get this thing done.

Lily, Noel and I jumped in, all the while I'm trying to finish dinner and eventually got Matt and Sofie eating in the other room.  Lily, Noel and I ate from the pot and pulled out the butter, sugar, flour. 

Noel had never seen a recipe.  Never used an oven.  Never used a measuring cup.  Never made a cake.  Lily was showing her what to do, and helping her translate the ingredients.  This could be fun, right.

Eloude told me a few days after I had agreed what was important to her.  Taste?  No way.  No one would be eating this cake.  This is about show.  Height?  Of the utmost importance.  Very very tall.  Color?  Must be green.  Decoration? As gaudy as possible.

OK.

I, of course, was born void of the my mother and sister's cake maker gene, and even if I had it, don't have much to work with.  I have a 9x13, a 9x9, and a loaf pan.  And the cake must be as tall as possible.  Eloude shows me how tall by flinging her arms above her head.

So we make all three, figuring that somehow we'll stack it up.

Just as the first cake goes in, Noel's sister knocks at the door. Noel's sisters.  Noel's sisters and her friends.  Total: 8 women.

"Oh, hi..." I say, just as Lily accidentally puts the mixer on full blast, puffing flour EVERYWHERE.

They quickly push past me and beeline for the kitchen, and for the next hour, I have NEVER felt more the foreigner.  Literally, the women gathered chairs, and sat in my kitchen, as close to the action as possible, and watched.  With commentary.

"Selling tickets?" Matt asked amused upon sweeping off Sofie and Lily (who doesn't like public spectator events) to the bedroom to HIDE.  Errr. 

Trying hard to ignore all the staring bodies in my kitchen, we finished the three cakes, stepping around everyone, and the women turned their conversation to the "cake foot"...which I'm realizing is the cake stand, which I quickly learn I am also to be making.  

"High, very high!" 
"The taller, the better."
"We could stack her bowls one on top of the other, and then balance the cake on top."
"Look through her cabinets and see if there is anything else we could use!"
"She could wrap a bunch of boxes and stack them all on top of each other."

Since they are all referring to me in third person at this point, I try to pretend I'm not listening.  Because I'm sorry.  This cake ain't gonna balance on 6 bowls.  

The three cakes were finally finished and cooling, I'm washing and putting away dishes, and 18 eyes are watching my every move.  Upon putting away the sugar, one sister spies Lily's dear Pringles.

"OOOOOOOO!  That can is perfect.  We could balance the cake on that!  OOOOOO, look!"

Everyone quickly gets very excited.

"LOOK!" another woman I have NEVER seen exclaims, diving over my head and opening my pantry, digging around.

"She has TWO!  We could fill them with water to make them heavy, and then put the cake on top."

I am sure at this point that all you could read on my face was "You MUST be kidding me."

"Maybe rocks would be better?  She could fill them with rocks" quips Noel.  

uh, yeah.

"OK"  I finally say, hearing the girls getting ready for bed and wanting everyone OUT and realizing everyone fully intends to stay all night and watch/critique me stack and ice the cakes.

"These must be very, very cool before I can ice them, so I'm going to ice them tomorrow, and stack them tomorrow.  So, I will empty these chip cans, and you can wrap them in pretty paper, if you want."

"Oh no!" the eldest exclaims.  "These cans are already very beautiful.  They don't need wrapped!"

I look at the smiling Pringle's man on the mismatched cans.

"Oooo, K.  Sound good."

"No," says Noel.  "They should be wrapped, to match."

"Ok, well, here is some wrapping paper.  You guys can take them."

"Oh no," says Eloude.  "We can't wrap like you can.  You can wrap them very nicely."

And Mrs. Sexy-can't-say-no: "OK.  So I'll wrap the Pringles cans, stack and ice the cake, and you need 50 copies of the program?"

"Yes," says Eloude, handing me a scrap of notebook paper with French scrawled on it. 

"You want 50 copies of this?" I ask, quickly realizing what is happening here.

"Oh, NO!  I want you to make this into a beautiful program with lots of pictures, especially of brides and grooms, and here is the information, and make sure to write out all the words to the hymns, and can they please be in color?"

"Eloude, friend, I do not have time to do all of that!"

Blank stare.  8 Blank Stares.  Silence.  More staring.

"I guess I will find the time," I finally say.

And my patience is out.  

Following custom, I know the ladies will not leave until I invite them to leave, and as much as I HATE doing this, at this point, I'm ready.

"OK!" I say cheerily, walking to the front door. "I'm done for tonight.  Thank you for coming!  I'll see you Saturday morning when you come to get the cake before the wedding!" 

"Oh no!" Eloude says for the 10th time, gathering her sisters and friends and heading for the door.  "We'll be back tomorrow to watch you ice it."

SHUDDER.

There is only one thing to do.  

I do bath time and story time and get the girls down, clean up the kitchen, and at 10:30 pm last night, you would have found me icing a wedding cake.  Green.  After stacking a 9x9 on a 9x13 and a loaf pan cake plopped on top.

Matt, of course, can't stop laughing.  "I can't BELIEVE you are icing a wedding cake green right now.  This is hilarious!  When in the WORLD will you learn to say no?  Why didn't you just give her $100 bucks and wish her well!"  

At this point, I'm wondering why I didn't give her FIVE hundred bucks and wish her well.

It may have been hilarious, but if I had to stay up all night long icing that monstrosity by my lonesome, I'd prefer it over a public icing later!

I iced that baby, made it as gaudy as I could with as many green swirls and hearts at possible, shoved the quite uneven leprechaun cake in the fridge, wrapped those Pringles cans in wrapping paper, got on Word, created a dove-infested program, and made 50 copies this morning at the Seminary before anyone could request any changes.  It was the first time that Matt's Lord of the Rings disc 2 was not actually long enough :)

When the troop shows up today to "help", they will be disappointed to find everything finished.

I think I can live with that.

Almost the same thing as saying "no"...but not quite :)



I'll get you a picture of the final shamrock tower...

Digging Deep

We all know how much we can take.  

You know how it feels to be reaching too much--to much stress, too much heart ache, too much pressure.  You know that desperate and sick feeling that comes with feeling that you cannot take One. More. Thing.  At some dark and discouraging time, you have been there.  You know the place I'm talking about. 

Life in Haiti seems to hang out there.

An increasingly dear and decreasingly new friend of ours was sharing the reality of this yesterday, bringing back countless memories of my own.  

Long, hot days, working tirelessly, often accomplishing very little, often deeply burdened by heart-break around us, often overwhelmed, often desperate for a small relief...a cool shower, a quick email, a short drive...only to realize the generator isn't working, again, so there is no water...so there is no internet...and the car won't start, and the jumper cables were used on the tractor last week and are missing, and there is NO WHERE to go, anyway, and NO diversions or entertainments to take your mind off, if only for a moment, and NO sisters to take you out and NO girls night and NO babysitter and not even a stinking LIGHT works, not even a stinking light, and it's 110 degrees.

There have been some long, hot, ink black nights, with voodoo drums to boot.

and you are at the bottom of yourself and there is simply nothing left and there is no more "hang in there", no more "tomorrow's a new day", no more "try again."  

Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.

And as she shared her very same version, my empathetic soul turned heavenward and I silently prayed: Lord, how HAVE we survived?  How have we not been defeated?  How have we continued, and persevered, how is it that we have even been given JOY?

All I knew to tell her, and all that came back to myself was this simple truth: digging deeply of myself has returned nothing.  

I come from a long line of strong and stubborn women (no offense to you long line of strong and stubborn women.)  I can take quite a bit.   

But when I have nothing more to give, I have nothing more to give.  It's as simple as that.  

When I can take no more, I can take no more.  I have found in myself no beauty, no impressive energy, no great love, no perseverance, no patience, no...nothing good, nothing lasting.   When the heat adds with the culture, a dash of loss and drip of devastating disappointment, piled with the broken, topped with the impossible...I am quickly finished.

All I knew to tell her was to dig deep...NO, not of herself...it's not there.  

But to dig deeply, deeply of the same thing we are here (on earth) to give: the Well that NEVER runs dry, the Bread that never runs out.  

Dig deeply of the Source. 

My answer "How?" is The Source.  Because when I have had nothing left and a mountain ahead and no strength left, I have dug my feet in The Source, and He has not only given what I need, not only carried me, not only granted me survival...but no, God has also given me joy and unexpected laughter, sweet friendship and unmerited witness to miracles, to beauty, to the stuff of His kingdom.

Ah, what a journey it is, not because of where I am journeying, of who we travelers are, or of where it is leading, but only because of the Source.

Don't care who you are, and if getting the faucet to pour water is a big deal where you are or not.  The truth is the same...  

Dig deep, today, fellow travelers.  Deeply today of Him.




(Storm update: tons of rain, cancelled flights, cancelled school...COOL weather!...flood warnings, we're just hanging tight to see and sending everyone home while they can.)

the SHARE standard

She's about 17 months, so it's probably pretty normal.  Sharing and Sofia are not good friends.  If we have two of something (or better yet, five!) then there is no problem.  But when there is one baby doll, one umbrella, one sippy cup, one black crayon...we're in trouble.  

If she wants it, and if she doesn't get it (or if Mommy takes it) we have full out melt-downs, throwing herself on the floor, alligator tears, shrieking...the works.

Knowing this to be normal, but wanting to make sure we are doing all we can to teach Sofie to be generous and ready to share (1 Tim. 6:18), I hit the internet a few nights ago, looking for good suggestions, tips and counsel. 

I found lots of good support and practical tips, but one of the major defenses I came across several times was SHOCKING to me.  In a nutshell, here it is:

"As adults, teaching a child to share against their will is making us hypocrites.  We do not share our toys, our phones, our cars, our wallets, our food with strangers, or even with friends! Why should we force our children to share their property when WE don't?  Eventually, our children will learn that no one wants to play with them because they are mean, and then they will choose to share if they want to.

Even if another child shares with our children, that does not in any way mean that our children must share.  Let's teach our children to be a part of the real world without crazy expectations on them, and if they won't be required to share when they grow up, why should they be required to share now?"

Welcome to modern parenting, I suppose.

But I can't get the argument out of my mind, because of course, while I realize this may well all be REALITY, there is something inherently WRONG here.

Shocker: the world today does not live according to the live-giving message of Scripture.  We don't even offer it to our babies.

I suppose it IS partly true.  We should not have any expectations for our babies that we do not have for ourselves.  We're not going to succeed trying to teach our children things that we ourselves do not do.

Therein lies the bigger problem...Why AREN'T we sharing our toys, our phones, our cars, our wallets, our food with strangers...with friends?  Is the standard for the world today to be selfish, clutchy, 17 month old BRATS?

When I see Sofie behave like this, kicking and screaming over a bead necklace (which I would debate has as much value before the Lord as a car or $100 bill) I feel SAD.  This is not the life God has for her.  It is not as it should be.  There is no joy in it for her, for Him or for anyone else.  

But when I realize that this is same expectation that much of the world has for our own behavior, I feel devastated.  

He didn't just give us His Word because obeying it brings HIM glory.  Didn't just give it to us because it's good for OTHERS.  He also gave us His instruction because it is BEST for us, and instead we're settling for toddler desires and behavior.

What does the BIBLE say about sharing?

Do good.  Be rich in good works.  Be generous and ready to share.  (1 Timothy 6:18)

Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, as it is pleasing to Him.  (Hebrews 13:16)

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.  (Luke 6:38)

To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. (Luke 6: 29)

My take-away:

Before I balk at the world's argument, I'm trying instead to examine myself...

Am I sharing MY toys? Do I act like my stuff is MINE, or His?  Am I free with His car, His toys, His wallet, His food, His house, or do I clutch at them as selfishly (though not as obviously) as Sofie?  When it's given (or taken), do I allow it but internally throw a fit?  Sob a little over my loss?  Hold on tighter next time?  

The Bible's instruction for me must be my instruction for Sofie.  The Bible's standard for us has to be the standard I'm working towards in Sofie's life...but also in my OWN.  Because I LOVE her.  Because He loves me.  And I KNOW He KNOWS what is best.

This "share standard" may be the standard of the world, but it's not OURS.  

Let's be His kids today, looking different, playing different, giving different. There is a better life available for us than that which ti-Sofie, and much of the population, are stingily living...

...one, as Luke 6: 38 says, that is running over!

think of us

and when you do, please pray!

Praise the Lord...

-We are halfway through the first semester at EBS, and while there is always much to do and always ways to improve, there is so much to be thankful for!  

I literally hear excitement in Fanfan's voice through the walls as he teaches Hebrew.  Hebrew!  I bring Matt a glass of water and overhear he, Vilmer and Lucner working in true unity.  I stop in the kitchen and hear the ladies harmonizing hymns while peeling potatoes and boiling beans.  I smile at the sound of joyful soccer matches in the evening, at the sound of friends loudly debating one theological issue or another outside my office window on breaks.  

Emmaus is not just a helping place, a healing place, a growing place, a digging place, a learning place, a transforming place...it is a HAPPY place.  In a place like Haiti (or anywhere, for that matter), I believe a happy place is a joy to Him.

-Lily is loving school.  She runs out the door happily each morning, barely waving good-bye, she is laughing when I come to pick her up, she is learning more Creole every day, she is making friends, her teacher loves her, she is happy to have "her thing" each day....just GREAT.  Thank you for all your prayers!  

-We are feeling very affirmed.  Several "going deeper" relationships and conversations of the past days, a few different meetings and ministry opportunities and even the Word itself has us feeling confirmed, lately, that we are where He wants us to be, focusing on what He wants us to be focusing on.  

Again, there is always much to do and things to improve, but it is a joy to be graced by His affirmation, in a time where we weren't even really questioning.

Matt,,right after preaching at Rodrigue's this morning.

-We have almost completely crossed over into good family health.  Yes, Lily fell of the bed this afternoon and has a humungous goose egg smack in the middle of her forehead, yes, Sofie's nose is leaking like a faucet, but we are approaching.  And it is GOOD.  

-Matt is a study machine.  I do not know HOW this man manages to be SO self-motivated and SO self-disciplined that he has chipped away and achieved his Master's in Mississippi, ALL from Haiti, and is now chipping away at his doctorate daily, with no deadlines, no teacher, no classmates, no library....

I couldn't do it.  Unless it was a doctorate in happy crafting.  But Matt, he's got his schedule, and when all is said and done for Emmaus around 3 or 4, he's putting in 2 hours on his doctorate, and just loving it.  I don't understand, but I praise the Lord.  

Seek the Lord...

-Our women's Bible study with all the women washing, filing, cooking or cleaning here at Emmaus continues to be a joy and a challenge.  It is really difficult to study God's Word when part of His body cannot read a word.  It's hard to go verse by verse when half the group is staring at your mouth while you read, trying to hear the passage, think about it and study it all at the same time.  We're in 1st Corinthians, and it is GOOD to worship and think and pray and study together, but I would love your prayers as I try to help and lead and grow with this group of dear women.

-We always feel inadequate to do the overwhelming things that truly seem to need to be done.  We NEVER have enough money to give all the money that seems to be needed to do all the things that really seem like they MUST be done.  Ezekiel's school in Baron.  Belo's house.  Noel, Naomi, Shayla, Evariste's schooling.  Rene's syphilis.  His family's hunger.  The list goes on and on...  

We never seem to have enough to help all the people who REALLY need help.  We never have enough time to do all of the work that really could be done, never have enough energy to really pour out in all the ways we want to or feel we should...I mean, what about the prostitution problem?  The ability to teach the Gospel by teaching community English?  A Bible study with the other school mothers?  There are SO MANY kids not in school...shouldn't someone be doing Bible teaching with them?       

Everywhere you look, there are 100 people and places and things that need help, and in His infinite wisdom, we just can't do it all.   

We are inadequate.  But He is more than enough.  And daily (daily) we have to remind ourselves of that, and give that as our response in the face of great need.  "We can't.  But He CAN."

I'm thankful that this is the case.  But it does burden our hearts.  "Do all you can" rarely feels sufficient in such a needy for help, needy for time, needy for energy, needy for CHRIST country.

-We must admit we are a bit homesick.  We always struggle this time of year more than the rest...to be missing fall and all the things in our home culture that come with fall.  Like NOT sweating every minute of every moment of the day.  Like, changing trees, changing colors.  Like, having stuff to DO:  there are no pumpkin patches, no apple picking farms (or apples, for that matter), no football games, no fall hikes, no Pumpkin Spice Lattes, no chilly afternoons, no bonfires (unless you count burning tires and trash) no...well, no fall.

It seems trivial, but for whatever reason, it always hits us a bit (along with the coming of major family holidays and family so far away) when October rolls around.  While we can very well do without these things, and will, and while He very definitely redeems it, I figure we're allowed to be a bit first-culture homesick now and then.


Please know we pray for you as blog readers, even if we don't know your name, and know that we'd LOVE to better know how to pray!  Email...

the messy ones

Thanks to some powerful antibiotics left behind from Melissa and Mason (THANK. YOU.) and WebMD, I am feeling better!

Brother Harold and Angie left today, though, as always, I heard him more often referred to as the Honorable Reverend Doctor Harold :)  As the chairman of EBS's board and as a friend, it was great and really helpful to have him here for a few days, and wonderful to finally meet Angie!

For the many of you who followed and prayed us through the near-death experience of Gertha last spring, I wanted to give a quick praise report from yesterday.

Through different stages of life here in Haiti, I have questioned our decision to ask women like Gertha and Micheline to help us in our home.  Can't I do it all myself?  Shouldn't I have to do it all myself?  Do they not have enough to do?  How does this LOOK to people, that I have women helping me?

But the realization I always come back to in this cultural norm of having house help is that it's not actually ABOUT the house help.  It's not about an extra set of hands with the girls, nor someone to mop the floor while I'm teaching.

It's about intimacy, about relationship, about inviting these women to live life alongside of us...not just out in their part of the world, not just to help them in their lives with a job--but also to INVITE them into ours.  To welcome them to influence our children.  To be involved in the lives of their children. To ask them to influence us and to be influenced by us.  Intimately.  To be a part of the good days and the bad, to see us at our best and worst, and to have that precious and intimate opportunity for discipleship...and to be discipled, as has very often been the case.

What we've seen over these years is that it is these closest and most vulnerable relationships that have perhaps most imitated Jesus' ministry here on earth...living and eating and serving and being served by His disciples.   And THAT is a sweet opportunity we have found too good to pass up.  Whether a dish was ever washed or a child ever played with or not.

ANYWAY.

The last year or so, I have been distraught over Gertha, questioning all this, wondering if we had failed. Some choices of hers seemed to indicate just that.  I had done my best to influence her and guide her in Christ, but...I seemed to have failed.

But yesterday, many months after the accumulation of bad choices that almost cost her her life, it was just the two of us and a big plate of corn grits, and she quiet unexpectedly started to cry as we talked about Thalyia over lunch.

"Remember last spring, when I almost died?" she asked quietly, and for the next hour, in hushed tones and with tears in both our eyes, we finally we able to talk about it, the secret she has kept from everyone but her husband and myself, the choices that almost left Thalyia motherless.

She talked and talked while the corn grew cold, poured out her heart and begged...not me, but Him...for forgiveness.  And, as she has often ministered to me, I was able to minister to her, intimately.  To pray with her.  To hold her hand.  To encourage her heart.  And to send her home later, finally forgiven and free and FIXED on Him.

That which I had named failure, I should have deemed HOPE.   He was still working.

I believe now more than ever that it is those life-on-life, messy, painful, questioning, perseverant, unconditional and intimate relationships that truly disciple...

What a reminder for myself, who is quick to bring everyone into my life but very hesitant to bring anyone into my heart...who is quick to share our bread, our finances, our clothes, our time, but resistant to receiving, a key element in true relationship.  

Join me today in re-evaluating some of our relationships--relationships perhaps that we have given much to, but maybe not ourselves...that we have invested in, but not with abandon, that we have preached Him, but perhaps not died to ourselves in.  There may be great opportunities for great transformation all around us that we are cutting short.

Just like these years with Gertha, it's often not been easy or smooth, but if we can persevere (if only because He perseveres) there might be sweet disciples of Christ, yet...

It might be the messy relationships that bring Him the most beauty, with time.

I'm such a work in progress :)  Thanks for learning and sharing with me!

Only One

And I am sick.  Again.  Sinus infection/virus/something.  Can I get a "you have GOT to be kidding me!"?

But, by His grace, I still have a story to tell, so bear with me if it's jumbly as my brain.

As we walked into church on Sunday, scraping the mud off our shoes on the front step, we noticed that Louis was sitting in the old man section.

Much like churches in the States, everybody's got their bench in church.  

Unlike church in the States, our Haitian friends don't sit together in family units, but split off into age groups.  Old women at the front, mothers in the middle, old men in the back.  Other side: children in the front, young men in the middle, teenagers in the back (well, that part might be like church in the States :).

Most churches, the very obvious "fathers" category is void.  The men work, sit and play dominoes, sit and talk.  The women and children and old people go to church.

But this Sunday, Louis, who is not yet an old man--but might as well be due to his handicap--was sitting in the back with the other old men for the first time.  Probably EVER. 

I see him almost everyday, sitting on the front porch of his house across the street.  Always sitting.  Most often, alone.  

A motorcycle accident a few years ago broke his right foot, which eventually repaired.  But last year, a tap-tap accident that claimed the life of several smashed his right foot and leg to smithereens, and despite a few surgeries and all we could do to help, his leg is now healed, but huge, disfigured, crooked and useless.

A few months ago, Cammie spoke to Louis about Jesus, whom Louis knew about from his Catholic background, but had never really been interested in.  A few weeks later, Junior shared the whole Gospel with him, and everyone was surprised and excited when he accepted.  

He testified back to Junior that he figured if anyone had saved his life, it had been the Lord, and the least he could do was follow Him.  Maybe Jesus didn't mind that he was of no use.  Didn't mind if he could only follow in his heart.

But that was a while ago, so when we walked into church and saw him sitting there, next to Pehpay, a cane leaning against the bench, we were excited.  Signs of fruit.  Signs of sincerity.

Abel rather loudly (well, everything is rather loudly with Abel :) announced Louis' presence to everyone, introduced him as Brother, and asked if Louis wanted to say anything.

Surprised again, we listened as Louis pulled himself up and shared his simple testimony again: he had grown up in the Catholic church, God had saved him, he believed for a purpose, and now he wanted to follow Jesus, praise the Lord.

Everyone was very pleased to welcome him as a part of Our Family, and when the service was over, Matt greeted him and invited him to come to chapel services at the Seminary any time he wanted.  Pehpay comes almost every service, and Louis could walk with Pehpay.

Louis seemed interested, and we went home touched.

The very next day, I was home with the girls by the time chapel rolled around, but Matt went to the service a few moments late and was pleasantly surprised to see Louis sitting near the back.  He sat behind him and welcomed him, and then a few minutes later felt very moved to run home and grab Louis a Bible and a hymnal.  When he slid back into his bench in the middle of a chorus, he saw that Louis's shoulders were shaking.  

Matt scooted down a bit and realized that Louis was indeed bawling, attempting to sing, cry and cover his face at the same time.  

In this culture, much like American culture, I suppose, people will go to all lengths to avoid shame.  Public shame, all the more.  

You can't make people be moved.  You definitely can't make men bawl.  

Only One can, and when you witness that...when you witness what only the Spirit can do? That's powerful.

We don't know what the Spirit was touching.  We don't have to.  Matt was in tears himself, watching the Spirit at work in Louis.  

Super thankful, today, that the Spirit is at work.  Super thankful He does what we can't.  Super thankful we're not responsible to convict the heart of man, to sanctify, to atone or to redeem.  Super thankful (though sometimes I wish I could!) I cannot right what is wrong, purify what is impure, make holy what is unholy.  

Only One can, and I'm super thankful to witness it, in my own life and in the lives of others...in the life of Louis.

in numbers...

2- the number of girls we sent off to school today.  Noel is SUPER excited, and we are grateful to be sending her to Dr. Rodney's new Medical Institute.  We also realized today that she has REALLY long arms!  

4- The number of people in our house who are mostly very healthy!  Praise the Lord...

22-  The number of times someone has said, "I miss grandpa..." this weekend.

18-  The number of hours it took grandpa to go from our house to Columbus, Ohio.

7/8- The number of responses "I am very beautiful" I got on my first year exams in response to "Describe yourself."

2- The number of days Matt got up with the girls and let me sleep until 7:30 this weekend...BLISS.

3-  The number of vegetables we have decided to plant in our in-the-works garden.  This is the FIRST time we have ever attempted a garden.

4- The number of complete, uninterrupted, loud laughter minutes that Abel, Miyolene and Charitable had over lunch upon learning that we are starting a garden.  Apparently, presidents of seminaries don't do gardens.  You don't do things you don't HAVE to do to survive...or it is, apparently, very funny :)

10- The number of teddy bear hair bands Gertha bought Lily that it took to transform, "I don't wanna go to school!" to "Bye, Mom!" this morning.

2- The number of first year students who continue to do all of their homework assignments first in pencil, and then trace over all the assignments in pen, to make sure they have no errors.  

11- The number of friends who have told me: "YOU SHOULD NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT YOUR CELL PHONE" after getting stranded with a dead battery and a baby on Friday.  Lesson. Learned.

At least 50- The number of people in Saccanville who CONTINUE to think my name is "Madame Sexy".  STAY-SEE is really hard to pronounce in Kreyol.  Everywhere I go, people are greeting me "Good Morning, Madame Sexy."  

EVERY time- The number of times I "Ba-ha-haaa!" out loud when this happens.

RIGHT NOW- What He has given us.  Live in the moment this week by His grace and in His presence!