Knowing this to be normal, but wanting to make sure we are doing all we can to teach Sofie to be generous and ready to share (1 Tim. 6:18), I hit the internet a few nights ago, looking for good suggestions, tips and counsel.
I found lots of good support and practical tips, but one of the major defenses I came across several times was SHOCKING to me. In a nutshell, here it is:
"As adults, teaching a child to share against their will is making us hypocrites. We do not share our toys, our phones, our cars, our wallets, our food with strangers, or even with friends! Why should we force our children to share their property when WE don't? Eventually, our children will learn that no one wants to play with them because they are mean, and then they will choose to share if they want to.
Even if another child shares with our children, that does not in any way mean that our children must share. Let's teach our children to be a part of the real world without crazy expectations on them, and if they won't be required to share when they grow up, why should they be required to share now?"
Welcome to modern parenting, I suppose.
But I can't get the argument out of my mind, because of course, while I realize this may well all be REALITY, there is something inherently WRONG here.
Shocker: the world today does not live according to the live-giving message of Scripture. We don't even offer it to our babies.
I suppose it IS partly true. We should not have any expectations for our babies that we do not have for ourselves. We're not going to succeed trying to teach our children things that we ourselves do not do.
Therein lies the bigger problem...Why AREN'T we sharing our toys, our phones, our cars, our wallets, our food with strangers...with friends? Is the standard for the world today to be selfish, clutchy, 17 month old BRATS?
When I see Sofie behave like this, kicking and screaming over a bead necklace (which I would debate has as much value before the Lord as a car or $100 bill) I feel SAD. This is not the life God has for her. It is not as it should be. There is no joy in it for her, for Him or for anyone else.
But when I realize that this is same expectation that much of the world has for our own behavior, I feel devastated.
He didn't just give us His Word because obeying it brings HIM glory. Didn't just give it to us because it's good for OTHERS. He also gave us His instruction because it is BEST for us, and instead we're settling for toddler desires and behavior.
What does the BIBLE say about sharing?
Do good. Be rich in good works. Be generous and ready to share. (1 Timothy 6:18)
Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, as it is pleasing to Him. (Hebrews 13:16)
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. (Luke 6:38)
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. (Luke 6: 29)
My take-away:
Before I balk at the world's argument, I'm trying instead to examine myself...
Am I sharing MY toys? Do I act like my stuff is MINE, or His? Am I free with His car, His toys, His wallet, His food, His house, or do I clutch at them as selfishly (though not as obviously) as Sofie? When it's given (or taken), do I allow it but internally throw a fit? Sob a little over my loss? Hold on tighter next time?
The Bible's instruction for me must be my instruction for Sofie. The Bible's standard for us has to be the standard I'm working towards in Sofie's life...but also in my OWN. Because I LOVE her. Because He loves me. And I KNOW He KNOWS what is best.
This "share standard" may be the standard of the world, but it's not OURS.
...one, as Luke 6: 38 says, that is running over!
I love this! My husband and I were just discussing this issue. I believe that we as an American culture are missing the mark about living in community together and sharing things. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteI think what you have written is good, the thing to remember is two year olds are establishing their world. They are establishing what is around them and it is very common for them to say 'mine'. All day long. That actually doesn't stop until we become more mature and realize what's mine can be shared. To ask a two year old to share is a bit unreasonable. As a grandma of six and from someone who has done day care for years what I do is allow the child to choose what he or she would like to share with another. It might not be what they are holding onto, but they can choose another book or another doll to give away for another to play with. My daughter had twins and if they 'didn't share' they would bite each other. It became more a will issue then a selfish issue. The whole key in parenting is giving choices. I always gave choices, the choices were always mine but when they choose they feel they won, when really I won. (they just didn't know it) You might read up on Dr Dobson's books on toddlers. Toddlers need to go through this 'part' of development to establish what is theirs in their world, but they also need to stop and listen.
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