a fallen short give

Where in the world is he?? I thought to myself around noon.  Abel had taken Matt to the airport at 8:30...he should have been back by now.

At one, Abdian came to the door and explained why her dad and our truck still weren't back.  Abel's sister had been in some kind of a car accident, and he drove way east to find her, took her to a hospital, and now was driving her far back west to a different hospital.

"Ok, Ok, no problem." I told her.  "We'll be praying!"

But as she walked away I found myself thinking dryly, I wonder who will be paying the 75 cents a mile for all of this.  I know exactly who.  WE will.  This ALWAYS happens.  

Not a few minutes later, I found myself bent over Lily and her crazy-haired mermaid Barbie, talking to her yet again about why it is important that she share with Azi. 

Before I even straightened by hypocrite back, the Spirit convicted my heart, squeezing a pain through my chest.

Just a few days earlier, I'd ben studying Luke 6, blessed and convicted by the simplicity of the commands following the Beatitudes.

Love.  Do good.  Bless those who curse.  Turn the other cheek.  Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.  Treat others the way you want treated.  

Love.  Do good. Lend. Expect nothing in return.  Be merciful.  Do not judge.  Do not condemn.  Pardon.  

Give.  

For his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

Four years ago, when we found ourselves 6 months pregnant with no reliable or available transportation, we asked supporters who were already supporting our little family to also consider helping us fund a vehicle.  

What if, upon being asked for help YET again--help that would NEVER personally benefit any of our supporters--our friends had carried the same sentiment that I secretly whined today?  

Ouch. Ouch. OUCH.

My own sin...NOT going what God has asked me to do in Luke 6, pained my heart as I know it pained His.  My thriftiness and wise-spending pushed to the extreme...stinginess.  Stinginess in the face of family crises.  Attitude.  Attitude when all I have received is grace.

After I got the girls down for naps, I was anxious to spend some time with my Father, repent of my silent sin that only He had seen and be made right with Him again.  As I sat with Him, the many ways I have failed just the simple commands in just this passage were made clear to me.  (I truly have nothing to boast aside from Him, or I would never share any of this with you.) 

As always, Oswald nailed it home (even more).  

Never dull your sense of being your utmost for His highest--your best for His glory. 

Many people have turned back because they are afraid to look at things from God's perspective.


Thankful, today, for God's perspective on a "little thing"...a thing that never even left my heart...that was NOT a "little thing" before Him.  

Thankful, today, for the cross and the new life and new day He continues to give me to seek hard after Him, to allow the Spirit to further work on that which fills my heart.  

Thankful for His forgiveness and release.  

Thankful for the opportunity to GIVE and to give Him glory by obeying His command to GIVE.  

Search our hearts, O God, and give us your perspective...

_______________

Follow-Ups: 

ABEL:

When Abel returned around 5 pm, he shared that his sister's tap tap (public transportation) had been going around sharp bend far too fast and plummeted over the side of the mountain.  The truck had been overflowing with people, two died on site, and several more were never expected to reach the hospital.  

His sister is still unable to speak, and has suffered a major head injury.  She is still in the hospital in town, along with several other people whom Abel was able to take, thanks to the truck.  There's no calling "911."  As he handed me the keys, eyes numb, he assured me that he had washed all of the blood out of the truck before returning.

Please be in prayer for Abel's sister and others who suffered this trauma.

MATT:

After a several delayed flight out of Haiti, Matt missed his connecting flight, had to buy yet another ticket to a different final destination with a different airline, etc, in order to get to New Jersey in time for church serviced in the morning.  THANK YOU, Uncle Don, for driving all the way to New York at 10 PM to get him, and thank you, all, for your prayers as he continues to travel and preaches tomorrow morning.

one of the crazies

WHEW.  What. A. Day.

At any given moment today, there was one screaming-bloody-murder or teary-whiny-fussy infant or toddler, someone at the door, a ringing phone, bread or a pot pie or a roast in the oven, a student that needed help...man...it was just a crazy, GO GO GO relentless day.  I am SO thankful Dad is here, or you would have found me in a corner crying by noon!  My brain was so numb just from working in two languages literally every moment today that I found myself talking to dad in Creole this evening and confused about why he was just staring at me.

However, now that it is over and I'm literally falling asleep at my desk, there were a LOT of GREAT things today...

Maxi, Dad and Abel, a dear relationship that has formed over the years.  Very thankful for these men, for the unity they have in Christ, and for an unexpected and powerful "break-through" conversation I was able to have with Abel this evening.

 Friends.  Shayla, Kerline and Max are three of my best friends, not "in Haiti," but in life right now.  I'm so thankful for these three, and this afternoon was particularly blessed by the way a very fussy, tired, dad-sick, stuffy Lily transformed into her joyful, gleeful self just a few minutes after their arrival.  I can be myself with these friends, they are real with me, they love our girls, and having them in our lives greatly improves our lives.

 Baby Gertha.  While she still hasn't been given a name, 'Baby Gertha' is just beautiful and wonderfully healthy and such a joy.  Gertha was just beaming that first-time-new-mom smile this morning, and I am so grateful to see this little miracle unfold.

 Lily had a blast with baby Gertha, too, though she was very discouraged that Sofia and baby Gertha didn't hit it off better, because apparently they are "suppose to be friends!"

 More friends.  Noel and Micheline went with us this morning to visit Gertha (and insisted that fussy Sofie was fussy Sofie because she was too hot, and therefore took off her clothes, all the while bundling Baby Gertha.)  These three women are a great joy and encouragement to me, and time with them is good time.  So grateful for these true and transparent relationships.  Plus, we could not have made the steep hike to Gertha's house with Lily, Sofie, and three boxes of baby clothes and diapers without their help :)

Also, praise the Lord, Dodo and Bubba (Dorothy and John McC.) arrived safely today and are sound asleep next door...YAY for friends next door!

End of the day...Matt is doing well in Jackson, we've had sweet time with dad/grandpa, we have help, I've been especially touched by the transforming power relationship has in our lives, and I am richly blessed this evening to realize that in the midst of a million tasks and people today, a handful of His children that I came to minister to minister instead to me...on the good days and on the crazies!

8 "good stuff"

1. Our Weather
      I don't know what it's like where you are, but oh man...it is paradise here.  It's been between 80 and 90 degrees each day (26-30 Celcius), crazy sunny, breezy, sweat-shirt chilly in the mornings and evenings and perfect to sleep under a light blanket.  Haiti might have a lot of it's own issues, but IT IS NEVER COLD.  Right now, that's GOT to sound nice to some of you out there :)

2. Lucner and his Ti-Kay

 Previously men's overflow housing at the old Emmaus seminary, this house was a DISASTER.  I wasn't sure it would ever be livable, but with lots of help from some of you and lots of others it is not only livable, but just LOVELY.  Lucner and his new wife Luna are such a blessing not just to us, but to hundreds of people at the Vaudreil church where he pastors, to the Emmaus, to both communities and to pretty much everyone he runs into.  The joy of the Lord is the obvious strength of Lucner, and his wisdom surpasses his years.

Luke and Luna had us over for supper Thursday night, and we just had a blast celebrating our friendship, their new house and new marriage, and what God is doing in Haiti and at EBS.     


3. Gertha's Big Announcment
     Our first Christmas here, Gertha's fiance drowned with around 200 other Haitians on a boat heading to Turks and Caicos.  Until a year ago, she had remained single, but last fall she started dating a young man even taller than she is named Wislin.  Three weeks ago their two families finally sat down (without Wislin and Gertha, as is the custom) talked things out, and set a wedding date for May 28th.

     Gertha, knowing that Sophie isn't due until June 6th, thought this would be "perfect" so that Lily and I could be there.  When I explained to her that there is no way we can be here for a wedding 8 days before the baby is due she was so disappointed...but the families have spoken.

     I may not get to be there for the wedding, but I did get the pleasure of wedding dress "shopping" with her last week, which Lily thought was just fantastic, and Gertha found a dress she loved, thanks to a friend of Dodo and Bubba's who sent them back with 11 gorgeous wedding dresses.


4. Civil and the Saccanville Church
    About six months ago the head pastor of the Saccanville church was taken into a church planting program, and almost instantly things at the church went downhill.  Attendance dropped, preachers were hard to find, and the church really began to struggle with a lack of strong, consistent leadership.  Finally, the church met with the Seminary asking for help.  For two months, the seminary committed to leading worship and preaching, promising to pray about the future.

     The Lord took care of the rest, clearly leading Civil (3rd year student) to step in the Interim Associate Pastor, and not long after led Fan-Fan (staff) to take over the faltering Sunday School program, helping to train the teachers, teach the youth class that didn't have a teacher, and support the program.
      Things have been getting better slowly, but today I can honestly say that it was GOOD church this morning.  Civil's preaching has been outstanding: Biblical, honest, insightful and well-delivered.  Numbers are growing again, and a man came today specifically to become a Christian and we were all able to witness his conversion.
     Please keep praying for this group of believers and for Civil, Fan-fan, and many from EBS and the community who are seeking to be and help His church in Saccanville.


5. Other Ti-Moun's
    Of the 70+ people living and working on our seminary compound every day, ONE of them is a "ti-moun" (kid.)  But a few months a year, when the farm is too frozen to farm, Jacob and Josephine join Lily, and it is SUCH a blessing for us and for her to have some other kids next door, even if they are significantly older than her.

     The kids are abundantly patient with Lily, letting her tag along, making her fun gifts...like these elf slippers and new dress, and if they didn't have school, Lily would try to spend 24/7 with Jacob and Josephine.


6. Abel's New Ride
     A group of you have gotten together to try to bring some small business loans (which in Haiti, are HUGE business loans, and miracles at that!) to Saccanville, and this past Friday Abel was finally able to buy his tap-tap (the name for a small truck like this used as the main source of public transportation.)

     Not only will this help generate income for his family, but it will play a huge role in the continual major transportation problem our staff and students have coming to Emmaus from Cap-Haitien.  Saccanville is just SO remote that many times our students will stand in the road for literally HOURS waiting for a ride.

     This tap-tap will reserve a morning trip and an afternoon trip for Emmaus students and staff, picking them up and dropping them off at set times and places each day.  We're all really excited about this great opportunity, but Abel is downright overwhelmed at this rare chance to better his community and family.

     As always, no one was more pumped than Lily, who did NOT want to share the "baby bench" with Abel, but felt sure that it needed to be reserved just for her.  Please be praying for this new venture!

7.  A New Bell
     It might not sound like much, but until today, EBS has still been summed to and from class, chapel, lunch and study hall with Giselain ringing an old brass hand bell.  Needless to say, this leads to all kinds of flexibility in when that's being rung, especially on Friday's...her day off.
     Finally, over Christmas we had the purchase approved of a bell system, John got it all hooked up, and today, everything is just a little bit easier...and more on-time!


8. Junior's Return
     Junior decided at the last minute to return to Port-au-Prince for Christmas break, feeling led to do so.  The Lord knew what He was doing because Junior had a fantastic month of ministry down south.  Abandoned by his witch-doctor father and family when he was a young teen for becoming a Christian, Junior still doesn't really have a home in Port.
     However, the little church he planted and began in Diquini after the earthquake is ALWAYS anxious to have him back and to have him work alongside them.  He brought back awesome reports of church growth, dedication, individual spiritual growth, baptisms and developing leaders.  However near the end of his trip, right after Haiti's past dictator returned last Sunday, the Seventh Day Adventist denomination in Port exploded with the calculated and guaranteed news that this was a sign that Jesus WILL be returning on May 21st.  Thousands of tracts were distributed almost overnight, and the group of new believers in Diquini didn't know WHAT to do with the "news."

     Due to the fact school had been delayed an extra week, he was available to spend an extra week with this blossoming congregation in the face of their struggle, and was able to spend hours in Bible study, prayer, counsel and research with them to help them worry not for the day or hour, but to always be prepared for Jesus's return.
     Due to classes he has been able to take here the past two years, he was able to use the Bible to shed light on the false "facts" being spread, and to bring peace in a time of turmoil.
     I'm so thankful for his time there, for his safe and excited return to Emmaus, and for the few days we've had with him to eat, share, pray and spend time together debriefing his time and preparing for tomorrow!

     However, no one was happier to see Junior than Lily...he is one of her favorite people, and always takes the time to follow her bossy leadings! "Junior!  Come in my house!"

     School started off again today without too many hitches, and Matt is preaching in chapel in a few minutes!  And we're off!

friends!

What a great weekend with lots of good memories!

Yesterday, Abel turned 50 and Kerline (Maxi's wife) turned 34, so we had a great afternoon visiting and celebrating these two friendships.  Birthday's are just not that big of a deal in Haiti.  In fact, when we entered Kerline's singing "Happy Birthday", half her family said, "Today is your birthday?"  Nonetheless, we took them both cupcakes and sang for them and talked about some our favorite things about them both, which prompted their families to do the same thing and we ended up having a really special time at both houses.

 Myolene and Abel...looking good at 50!

 Maxi and Kerline...Maxi told us Kerline's birthday gift this year was a kiss...and I'm PRETTY sure that's what he gave her LAST year :)

Then today, we went with Dodo and Bubba to Paul's church...hadn't been there for a while and I STILL hadn't met Envangela.  It was great to meet the baby, who we thought looks JUST like Paul, and to catch up with the whole family.  Most, it was just great to be in church, a church that is consistently alive, healthy, and excited to be together and in His presence.  Being there is always our joy, and today was no exception.

This morning Lily even decided to leave Mom and Dad and join the kid section (even though the kid-oversee-er chick was SERIOUS about the kids staying in their chairs and being quiet :)  Lily LOVED being one of the kids and having a baby to stare at.  

 One of our second year student, Mogene, works in this church as well.

 Lily thought she fit in as one of the kids, but most of them never stopped staring at her the whole service.

 Dodo and Bubba had quite the following as well.

 Evangela was precious and content...and not even two months yet!

DoDo and Bubba joined us for lunch, and now everyone that's not old or pregnant is playing soccer, soaking in another beautiful day.  In a bit we are heading down the road to see off our dear friend Hannah, whose one year term is up and she heads back to Oregon tomorrow.  Another sad good-bye!  We've lost Julie, Hannah and Erica in the last month, and Matt, Lily and are feeling the loss of these three joyful, positive, encouraging and hilarious friends.

This week ahead is a BIG week with lots of meetings, students moving back in, financial registration, a slew of marketing projects, several new students for orientation, and new classes to prepare for.

day-to-day and a still present past

This has been such a busy week with virtually 1% internet success...getting just a LITTLE bit frustrating, and our list of "to do online" is growing more urgent by the day! Lily has also had a cold, but was finally feeling well enough today to go meet some new neighbors who have three little girls. It is insanely hot right now, but Don, Maxi and Abel are working away, adding sweat to cement!

Matt's 1st Samuel class has been fantastic so far, with lots of afternoon student visits, asking for prayer and guidance regarding issues in church and in ministry that 1st Samuel has been speaking to. It is SO fun for Matt to teach 1) God's Word, 2) to an interested audience, 3) and then work on application in the afternoons!

I was cleaning off my desktop yesterday, and quite erroneously today I stumbled across a blog entry I wrote in August of 2008. The memories of the morning hit me so fresh that that Sunday might as well have been last Sunday… What a beautiful reminder for me this morning about what the face of Jesus looks like, that I might not pass ONE Jesus-chance over. The prayer I asked for then is the same I ask for today! Thank you for traveling the small and bumpy path with us…

It was the little girl who stuck out to me first, almost immediately after we had wedged our way onto a backwards school bench in the back of Paul Vilmer's church, once again, packed out. Her crazily braided hair was tinged with flaming red and her small skeleton held itself upon her mother's bony lap in such a weary way. Red hair means major dietary deficiency, though it was already obvious from the twigs in her neck and her tiny yellow dress hanging off her body that she was starving.

I tuned into the service for the first hour, glancing at this small bird child from time to time. Matt pointed to the two little boys in front of him during the singing, and it quickly became apparent that these were her brothers. They sat behind their mom and sister, both in holed t-shirts (you never see this in church) and propped up against each other. The oldest boy must have been 7 or 8, and the middle son, 5, but both were very underdeveloped and attracted swarms of flies. Both of their heads seemed uncommonly large perched on top of their sunken necks, and they seemed to hold each other up. It wasn't the insects crawling over the sores on their scalps or their malnourished states that had gotten Matt's attention, but instead their unblinking and unwavering focus on the pastor, eating up every word he said, for literally hours on end.

I watched this small family throughout the long service, feeling broken for them and unsure about what to do. After two hours, the sermon finally began, and just a few moments later the middle boy began to shake. We thought he was falling asleep, but soon realized that he was silently sobbing, gigantic tears streaming down his pulled face. He looked back at me, and his eyes...his eyes were just HUGE and the skin on his cheeks was almost wrinkled it was pulled so tightly across his sharp cheekbones. An older woman beside him quickly asked him what was wrong, and almost wordlessly, he muttered "I'm so hungry."

I thought my heart was going to explode right then. I was numb. How is it that I am still shocked at such things? I speak of Haiti as being a hungry place, speak of the current food crisis and the "face of hunger" that Haiti and it's children are currently experiencing. Yet it is one thing to know it and to talk about it, and another thing to SIT behind it and WATCH it...see it's TEARS.


The woman quickly tapped the boys mother, telling her that he was hungry. "I have nothing" she told the woman, then repeated to the boy, rapidly and guiltily swatting at his tears with her bony hand, shaking him lightly and telling him not to cry. "Don't cry," the older lady next to him kept repeating, obviously hurting for him and disturbed by his tears. Quickly she pulled 5 gourdes out of a hidden kleenex, and in moments so did the woman in front of her, then a woman one row over. They all thrust their tiny offering, some 38 cents US, at the mother, who rapidly swooped up her now sleeping daughter and headed out the back.

Moments later she returned, clasping three tiny foil packs, each containing four Saltine-type crackers. It took each child only seconds to open their tiny parcel, but almost 30 minutes to eat it...each savoring every tiny bite and picking up every crumb. The tiniest, wide-eyed and happily munching her cracker, continued to play games I've seen much chubbier children play with their mothers, "one bite for me, one bite for you," insisting on sharing every other bite with her mother, who obviously hadn't eaten anything more than any of her children.

By now I was finished, hot tears running down my sweaty face as I watched all of this...the pain of their suffering and tears, the beauty of everyone's collected sacrifice, the love between these children and their mother, the agony of sitting behind starvation and having no idea what to do, the torture over the 2 bites of cold scrambled eggs I had tossed out this morning and the bucket of crackers sitting on top of my loaded refrigerator...the pain of knowing this was just one small family in THOUSANDS...MILLIONS around the world.

I wanted to take off my wedding ring, my glasses, take my hymnal, Matt's wallet, our Nalgene bottle, the keys to the dump truck we drove into town and just give them all to this family. I wanted to pile them into the car and drive them home and shower them and feed them the biggest meal they had every seen and just...KEEP them....FIX it.

Suddenly the service was over and everyone was standing, hurried to leave as the dark block room had become an oven in the noonday heat. I grasped at the oldest boys hand and he smiled shyly at me. The little bird girl was shy and hid her small face in her mother's dirty t-shirt. I grabbed the mother's hand as the crowd pushed her past, and she smiled full joy as well, and I told her her children were beautiful, because I didn't know anything else to say, and she nodded in agreement.

The middle boy, however, had held back a moment, and I sat down on my heels to be at his eye level. "Good morning" he told me as I held his hand and then he grinned the most ravishing smile I have ever seen, his glassy eyes full of joy. I smiled at him brokenly, and a remnant tear slid down my cheek. Without missing a beat, he swung his tiny hand up to my shoulder and patted it quickly before he ran after his family.

This morning my face was four inches from the skeletal, open-sored face of Jesus...and when you meet Jesus face-to-face, it has to change you, doesn't it.

Please keep praying for Haiti, for Jesus to be made known, for all those that are so hungry in so many ways...and for all the pieces of our hearts.