happy day.

When we walked in that room, and Kerline and Christie (spelling change :) were laying on the bed together, I lost my breath.  Even with all my hope and optimism and prayers, I realized I myself had never believed I would see the day.  Beautiful.  Unbelievable.  She. Is. PERFECT.

There have been so many times I have prayed for this couple...unable to do ANYTHING about their situation but befriend it, speak Christ into it and love them.  I've cried out so many times on their behalf, as they have loved and rejoiced over my little ones, uttering wordless prayers so many times and offering up my hands.  

And the reality is, there is very LITTLE I am able to actually DO about the pain in Haiti...in the world.  I am no healer, no child giver.  Money helps, sometimes, but it rarely transforms situations.  I can't even make anybody take the Jesus who CAN transform.  We can help some, but not all, and the some we can help usually have the same problem next year...next month...next day

Holding this happy little miracle, He reminded me that it's true.  I CAN'T do anything much about the pain in this world.  About the loss.  About the hunger.  About the injustices.  Only He.  And He is.  And He will.

But I can do something.

and sometimes that something is just to give all I've got

To sweat with the sweating, hurt with the hurting, cry with the crying, laugh with the laughing, love with the loving AND the hating, show and give and speak Christ with the each-and-every...and today, praise the Lord, today...

 to rejoice with the rejoicing.

To love as if my own children were hungry.  As if my own parent/friend/cousin/sister were dying.  As if my own heart was hurting.  As if my own husband was leaving.  As if my own world was crashing.

And as if my own daughter was finally in my arms.

How deep, how wide, how far the love the Father has bestowed upon us.  How sweet His voice, how faithful His hand, how Mighty to Save, and how near.  

Today could have been a very different day.  I know.  And how near He would have been all the same.  How loving.  How strong.  How sweet.  I'm just so thankful He miraculously intervened, and I truly believe He answers prayer.  I met her.

Beat that right there.  Oh my goodness.

When we got home, there was a big cluster of friends from EBS and Saccanville at the gate, and when I showed them this picture of Maxi with his daughter, every single weathered and weary hand shot up in silent praise, waving in the darkness like palms.

God is GOOD, Bondye Bonne, God is Good.  Only God.  Praise the Lord.  Surely He IS God.  

What a gift.

God's good stuff

I have two very concrete and beautiful testimonies to share with you...one today and one tomorrow... both that just continue to move me...not just to a feeling or an emotion, but to a better place with Him and others.

Our little family has been struggling quite a bit these past few months.  We have been working and living at the Seminary almost entirely alone until recently (aside from the students we are here to minister to), and while our Haitian family has been around us and alongside of us, the heavy burdens of feeling ultimately in charge of administration, finances, maintenance, operations, security, teaching, internet, electricity...etc., have been wearing on us, Matt especially.

While many are ready and anxious to help, there are just a lot of things that need done that no one is trained or experienced to do, so Matt has been filling a lot of gaps that he also isn't trained or experienced or wired to do.   Ever present needs for help and funding and teachers, translators, maintenance, etc., are ever wearing.

"The life of the missionary", sure.  But it sure can be exhausting and frustrating!  Matt even continues to be plagued with feeling sick, vomiting and stomach pain, and I can't help but think that stress is contributing!  (A stateside doctor is helping us narrow down some possible issues, as well)

Lately, I've been praying over-time for Matt, that the Lord would help show him what things need to just be let go in light of keeping sanity, and that He would restore unto Matt the joy of His calling and work.

For some reason, the last few days have been especially hard, and we prayed together last night late into the night that God would restore us, give us a new perspective, change things, move, work, give peace.

I was then up with the girls a record number of times through the night, and when they both got up at 5:30, Matt took them out to the main room so Mommy could sleep a few minutes.

At 6:00 am I awoke to the guys singing, a very common sound here at Emmaus.  However, it was much too loud to be coming from the nearby chapel, and I realized that they were in the next room.  I threw on a dress and came out only to see a group of six young men standing in a circle around Matt and our jammied girls, singing their hearts out.

I took a mental picture and joined Matt in the middle, a bit amazed (this has never happened before) as the singing turned to prayers, six of our brothers lifting us up individually, but together.  As they prayed, I singled out one voice after another, listening to bits of their prayers, claiming them for our little family.  Belony prayed for peace.  Mogene, for healing.  Augustin prayed for energy and wisdom, Gesner for joy for us each.

Astounded, I listened to each of these men, NONE of whom were aware of our recent burdens or feelings, ask God for EVERY single thing that we had been praying for last night.  For EVERY single thing that I have felt we need, and more.  Neither pajamas or the early hour diverted His precious presence, and intimately blessed, I looked up to see Matt's face shining with the same joy and awe that mine was.

When the men finished, together we prayed a series of common Haitian repetitive prayers, affirming and cementing in what we were asking the Lord for.

Bless the name of Jesus.  
     Bless the name of Jesus.
Jesus, for joy.
     Jesus, for joy.
Jesus, our security.
     Jesus, our security.
Jesus, for healing.
     Jesus, for healing.
Jesus, for wisdom.
     Jesus, for wisdom.
Jesus, before us.
     Jesus, before us.
Jesus, behind us.
     Jesus, behind us.
Jesus, beside us.
     Jesus, beside us.

We rose together, all shaking hands as is the custom (starting and finishing with holding hands), and Belony said, "We each felt very strongly this morning that God wanted us to come and pray for you.  Each of us.  We don't know why, but we trust Him, and were pleased to obey."

I hope you have goosebumps, as I do.  There may be a lot of things lacking in Haiti.  There may be a lot of things lacking.  But one of those things is not faith.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God told each of those men this morning to come and pray for us.  There can be no coincidence.  We were up into the night last night, begging His help.

I know God sent them, and I know that while these students may have no money, no jobs, no family, no healthcare, no possessions...they are walking close enough to our Father and are surrendered enough to Him to hear His still, small voice.  And while they did not understand why He was saying what He was, they had the faith and the discipline to obey.  Immediately.

We may work in many places throughout our lives, with people that "have" far more than our current family, but I'm not sure that we will ever meet a people with more abandoned faith than those around us now.

Healing and recovery when my mom left us for Jesus was a long road, but I could vividly recount to you the day, standing knee-deep in icy water under the Haitian sun scrubbing laundry in Port-au-Prince, that He met me and put me on that road.

Healing and restoration are a long process, for sure.  But there has to be a starting point, and I believe that comes only by a work of God.  A moment of healing in His presence that puts you on that road.

Christ in Belo, Mogene, Gregori, Augustin, Gesner and Devicouer did what only He can do this morning, and I am so grateful!

When God talks to someone else about you, it sure makes you realize His love for you in a new way!

Grateful this morning that He loves us each, that He cares for us each, that we have obedient brothers in Him, and that His plan for ALL of us includes joy, healing, peace that passes understanding and GOOD stuff (to borrow a theological term from Charlie).

Praying the same for you today!

because of love.

I'm not sure how to share this without getting too specific and boring you all to death, but it's too good not to share.

Matt knew coming back that a major confrontation had to happen upon his arrival, so we thoroughly anticipated yesterday being a rough day.  And it was...for two hours he and a friend/employee tried to work through several major issues that have been mounting for months.  They could NOT get on the same page, were both becoming more and more heated, and finally, both lost their cool, something that happens VERY rarely with Matt.

Matt immediately apologized for losing his temper, and dejectedly hung his head in his hands, confident that there was no other place to go in this relationship.  It was finished.  There was nothing else he could do.  However, before the friend left, Matt tried one last approach.   Love.  

"If this stuff was happening with just anyone, I wouldn't even care," Matt told the man.  "This is so important, and so heartbreaking, because it's YOU.  YOU are my friend.  I love you.  And these circumstances have abolished all trust, which in turn greatly diminishes our relationship.  And because I love you, this is heartbreaking."

They talked another thirty minutes, and by the time they finished, things were "good enough", patched together and function-able.  But Matt came home with no joy or hope over the conversation, and our evening was full of tears over sin and selfishness, expectations and disappointments, a lost friendship and perhaps a work relationship that needed terminated.  There was nothing much I could say to encourage Matt, and throughout the night I prayed that God might still somehow work in the situation, though it seemed to be closed.

Blessing one...Lucner, though incredibly busy and finally home with his wife and baby, having overheard the argument earlier, called Matt around 8 pm, just to see if he was ok.  (Note to self...these little things, just five minutes of effort, but often overlooked, can transform a person.  DO it!)

Matt tossed and turned all night, sick over the lost friend, broken situation, unfruitful confrontation and generally dejected in ministry here.  

But at 7 am, that same man showed up at our door, looking equally terrible.  

"I couldn't sleep all night.  All this time that you have been trying to tell me these things, and I have never listened.  And I didn't listen yesterday.  I said some terrible, awful things.  And then you told me about your love for me, and I realized for the first time that this whole time you have truly cared about ME.  You haven't been upset about how I've been acting because you want to bring me down, or to hurt me or to trick me, as I had thought. And that changes everything.  I have said and done so many terrible things, and I am SO SORRY.  I am just sick this morning, more sick than I have ever felt.  Please, won't you forgive me?  Please!"

I'm not a crier, but man, seeing these two haggard men embrace this morning in our doorway, transformed by love, I was fighting back tears.

What a beautiful picture of His love.  

He tries to show us how to live, to tell us which way to go.  He tries to bring us closer and closer to Him through holiness.  He tries to give us discipline, and we reject it, buck it, hold firm to our own understanding.  We are sure that He isn't out for our own good, but is out to ruin us, or to harm us.  We're sure that we know what is best for us, and that we need to look out for our own good.

And then, in brief and beautiful and heartbreaking moments, He makes us realize that all of these things He is asking for in us isn't to box us in, or to harm us, but to give us hope and freedom and a future.  It is because of His LOVE for us, His great love.  

And it is that great love that transforms us.  That melts our stubborn hearts.  That changes our perspective.  That takes us from arrogant hot heads into humble and repentant children.  

I'm so incredibly thankful for this miracle of His love in Matt's life, and am so incredibly thankful for the reminder of HIS unwavering love for me...in how many ways am I subconsciously today resisting that transforming love?  

It's why we're His, it's why we're able to be Holy, and it's why we're here.

because of love.

the joy of nothing

Tensions, arguments, threats, and therefore our prayers, have been mounting for weeks now, and so when I saw Julio and Tony (names changed) coming down the driveway together this morning, Tony carrying an axe, my throat tightened.

Both employees of the seminary, a few small rifts between the two months ago had recently turned into mountains.  After picking at each other for a long time, finally Tony spread the word throughout the community that he thought Julio was planning to have him killed (this sounds extreme, but is a far too common way of "taking care of things" in Haiti.)

The community was anxious to get involved in the drama, and Matt and other staff members have been working over-time to keep peace at the seminary between these two men and between their friends.  The tension from their fighting was continually spilling over into other areas, causing blow-ups in the kitchen, hurt feelings, job frustrations, close mindedness, stubbornness and of course,  more threats (another far too common way of taking care of things in Haiti).

After a half-dozen meetings with the administration and especially Julio, Matt came home yesterday exasperated, frustrated and out of ideas.  "What in the world are we doing here!" he vented, tired of the whole ongoing situation.  "I'm at the end of my rope.  He's either got to quit, be fired, move or CHANGE....hah!  I can't imagine how much worse things could get if he were to quit or be fired, we know he's not going anywhere, and we both know he's never going to change."

"Now, Matt..." I began, but he already knew.

"I know, I know, God could change it, but man, I just don't see that happening.  I don't see how this is going to go away, and it HAS to, because I can't take it anymore.  I told him today in our meeting that the Bible tells us we MUST go to people we have wronged and apologize, and he was so hot-headed he couldn't even hear me.  He told me that would NEVER EVER apologize to Tony."

Realizing that it had been months since I had seen these two men even speak to each other, I was more than a little nervous to see them heading our way together this morning...with said axe.  I ducked back inside and hissed, "MATT.  Julio and Tony are here."  

Matt jumped up, also surprised, and headed out to meet them to keep possible violence away from the girls and the house.  

But as they approached, I realized there was no trace of the now-commonplace anger, tension, bitterness and hatred in their eyes.  Both men were grinning big goofy grins, and both began talking loudly and excitedly to Matt before they even met him.  

"There is nothing!  There is nothing."

"What?" Matt said, trying to understand.

"I did what you told me the Bible says to do," Julio said loudly.  "I went to him, and we talked about everything, and there have been a lot of big misunderstandings."

"We were both wrong," Tony beamed.  "Now there is nothing.  We are brothers," he said, cuffing Julio around the neck and thumping him happily.  "We can't fight like this.  There is nothing."

"WHAT?" Matt said, and I could tell that he was having a very hard time believing that what had literally come down to death-threats could truly be NOTHING in less than 24 hours.  

Julio and Tony began to laugh, hugging each other happily and thumping each other's backs.  "We did what you told us the Bible told us to do, and now there is nothing."

I must say I've never been so happy about "nothing" in my life.  Matt started laughing, too, trying to get his mind around what is absolutely a miracle.

"You've made my day," Matt said.  "No, my week.  My month.  This is the best thing that has happened all semester," and I peered through the door to see them grab Matt up in their excited hug, the axe (for an afternoon chore :) dropped by the road.  

Today we saw stubbornness more persistent than sickness healed, anger bigger than storms calmed, bitterness more ravenous than starvation fed, a relationship more finished than death brought to life...all things that only He can do. and Did.

Praising Him this now beautiful Saturday...for nothing!

another concrete miracle...

Jil's house two weeks ago...

remnants...

...and today. Jil (front) and his children are all helping with his new two room house, built in the exact spot of their old home.

Lily loving on little Wendy...

Jil and Mimose's 3rd looks JUST like Mimose.

Lily hanging out with some of the neighbor kids...

Just a few yards over, these three houses are being built as well, all 4-room houses. I passed 13 others between our house and Jil's, all about at this same level of construction.

It is set in stone: God continues to work and move and to bring Hope to seemingly Hopeless situations. It shouldn't be overwhelming.

But it is.

a miracle worth it's wait

Jil's oldest son and middle daughter, standing in front of their home.

For what seems like the 100th time this year, I'm sitting here at my desk glowing...with joy and with sweat...downright delighted to share with you the miraculous movement of His hand.

In March, I first told you about Jil, beginning with these words: Sometimes it is just too much. Today was one of those times.

Since that distressing day, we've received countless beautiful emails and phone calls from many of you, echoing our same overwhelmed sentiment: "WE MUST HELP." We spoke to several of you about starting a housing project, about building a house for Jil, about your churches coming and building a home for them, about beds, school, food, health care, and brainstorming dozens of ways to help.

Last week, we even took Don of "Hulmes Construction" to visit Jil and to help us begin to organize a way to REALLY help. Don immediately understood our increasingly long list of problems...

How do you help Jil's family without causing community jealousy and more problems for Jil?

How do you even get supplies and materials back to where Jil's little house is? There isn't even a water source anywhere near his house!

How do you build a house on land that he is illegally squatting on?

What if the land owner saw the house and took it from them?

What should the house look like?

Who should build it?

What about all the OTHER families living nearby in equally dire situations?

For months we have struggled with not just how to help, but with the whole issue of extreme poverty.

How is it best helped?

What is the real problem?

How can you help without hurting?

How do you involve the community?

Ever since going with Don, we have barely spoken about it, all overwhelmed with the reality of the situation and the feelings of helplessness, trying to trust the Lord to show us how and when.

Last night, Julie, Hannah and Don watched Lily while we went to eat in town for our anniversary. On our way there, we were quite surprised to see small mountains of sand dumped quite sporadically all along the side of the road. "Wow!" Matt said, "Someone must finally be fixing the road!"

But further down, we saw piles and piles of freshly made cement blocks, again, all quite randomly sprawled across a 3 or 4 block area. Hmmmmm....

This morning, Matt headed to a church about 30 minutes from here as the guest speaker of an Evangelism Seminar. On his way there, he stopped to chat with Jil, already drenched in sweat and working aggressively in the road, patching holes as always. When he saw Matt, he was overjoyed, and Matt assumed it was because of the beds and mattresses Abel had dropped off a few days earlier. Not so...

"My friend!" Jil exclaimed, "Mirlove had our baby! She is a little girl!"

"Wonderful! Congratulations!"

"And my friend!" Jil exlaimed, "In 10 days, we will have a new house!"

WHAT?

The mountains of sand. The blocks. Food for the Poor.

Beginning on Monday, Food for the Poor, "serving the poorest of the poor", an organization who has a branch located about 30 minutes from here, is building Jil a new house. And not just Jil. LOTS of new houses.

Apparently, Jil's area has caught their eye over the past few years as a zone especially impoverished. This is how their program works: If you have no cement foundation, and no blocks, no cement in your house, and if you have NO foundation or start of a new house, and if they select your zone, and IF you agree to feed 6 workers 2 meals a day for 10 days...You can move into one of their new houses.

They are all built identically, with a strong foundation and cement block, painted vivid colors, each long house split into two "apartments" and shared by two families. Front doors. Small porches. Solid roofs. One qualified "Food for the Poor" boss comes in for each home, hires laborers from Saccanville, and builds each house. They have bought a patch of land right next to Jil's zone, and everyone in Jil's zone who meets the above requirements will have a new house waiting for them by the end of JUNE.

FOR MONTHS we have fretted, worried, thought, planned, talked, cried and prayed. And it was already taken care of. Not just sufficiently, but WELL. Perfectly.

It is already done. For the price of 10 days of rice and oil, Jil will have a new house. Young men in Saccanville will have work. Young men in Saccanville will get fed. The poorest families in the zone will have dry places to sleep, strong walls to protect them.

AND I DIDN'T DO IT.

Just as the smallest homely sparrow falling from the heavens isn't lost before our infinite Father, neither is Jil. Neither is Jil. Neither is his brand new precoius baby, conceived out of violence and violation and darkness. Neither are his dear children, hungry and dirty and happy.

Neither is Jil. (Neither is YOU).

All along, God was Jil's Father. God had a perfect plan in the works for the perfect time in His perfect way....and swept the miracle in, knocking me humbly to the ground, reminding me of three things:

1- I am NOT the only way God works.

He can choose to use me or He can choose to accomplish His will through someone else. Me, my plans, my money, my talents...all just tiny specks before Him...NONE of which He NEEDS in order to take care of His creation, to bring people to Himself.

2- We must keep working with what God gave us.

God has clearly brought Matt and I to Haiti to help train His children to bring Haiti to Christ. We don't know how to build a birdhouse next to a Lowe's store, much less stake out to construct a new Saccanville. Does this mean that He doesn't sometimes ask us to do things out of our comfort zone, personalities, talents or giftings? Heavens no!

But it does mean that before I pick up a new "rock for my cart" that we have to spend a lot of time making sure that God is indeed calling us to do something totally outside of the ministry He has made us for...trusting that if He's NOT asking US to do it, and yet desires it to be done, that He WILL PROVIDE.

3- WAIT.

Why does the Bible talk so much about "Waiting on the Lord" and then I am always anxious to make stuff happen? Does God not know infinitely more about Jil's situation and Jil's solution than I ever have or ever will? Has He not followed Jil every day of his life? Heard every cry of his heart? Known every need that he has? DO I NOT TRUST HIM?

Again, this is not to say that we should say in the midst of heartbreaking situations, "Well, trust God. Have a nice day!" May it never be!! But this whole time that I have been fretting for Jil, in the SAME WAY that I was hopeless for Pehpay, it never occurred to me that GOD COULD TAKE CARE OF IT. Without me. With awesomeness.

AH, I have a ways to go, don't I? I feel so incredibly small in light of His beauty and perfect plan and His abounding grace today. Incredibly and happily small.

Humbled and overjoyed by the reminder that HE is on the throne, orchestrating His will, uninhibited by where we live or poverty or the powers that be, government, the economy, hatred, violence, sin, selfishness, culture, language, land ownership, bank accounts, water shortages, location, and beautifully uninhibited by the best-intentioned-yet-skeptic-in-the-hands-of-an-All-Powerful-God ME.

PRAISE THE LORD.

Still wanna help? Interested in helping the poorest of the poor with some of their pressing physical needs? Check out Food for the Poor.

Pictures of Jil's newest little one and the project coming soon...

this is BIG

Today was a BIG day. It didn't start big. We planned to go to church right across the street. Matt didn't have to preach. We didn't have any visitors to translate for. A few friends were coming for lunch. "Bless us with your sweet presence" I had prayed this morning, wanting nothing else.

By His grace, He gave us that, and much more.

As we walked up to the church, I saw Frandia standing outside. She was the "first" convert I have spoken of frequently, and for weeks as Belony and I have opened the Word to her, we've talked to her about going to church. We've spoken to her about the importance, especially as one who lives entirely in a non-Christian household, about spending time worshiping the Lord with other believers. But each week, she has had a reason why church wasn't for her.

But this morning she was outside, scraping mud off her shoes, and though she looked quite uncomfortable and was wearing a rather failed-attempt at appropriate church clothing, she was THERE, and she and I both broke into a big grin at the sight of each other.

"Lord, this is big!" I prayed silently as we walked in together.

After some opening announcements, Abel stood to introduce any visitors, but said that this week there were two new Christians to introduce. "Joseph" Abel nodded, and a few pews over Joseph stood, a previous gate guard for EBS. A man who had spent his life in a Catholic / Voodoo mix of religion, this past Tuesday he came and found pastor Janiel, saying, "Today is the day. I want to be a Christian. Tell me how."

It was all I could do to keep from clapping my hands in joy, when Abel introduced the second, who sat right in front of us. We could tell he was young, but then he turned around, and we recognized him immediately. Remember the day when several young men from Sakanville stood outside the gate, behaving quite badly? And Matt prayed that one of these Saul's would one day be a Paul?

Kenson was in front of them, throwing rocks and spouting off mouthy responses to each word of peace Matt spoke. "With so much energy and passion and intelligence, Stacey, these men could do BRILLIANCE unto the Lord. We have to keep praying," Matt had told me.

This morning, in front of all of his peers and neighbors, Kenson stood. "I am a Christian now," he said strong and slow. THIS IS BIG.

We were floored. Making an announcement like that here is not the same as it might be in the States. He won't drive 30 minutes home and not see any of these people until next Sunday. They will see his every moment, hear his every speech, watch his every move. He pronounced to Sakanville this morning that he has died, and been born again a new person, and 100 people will be holding him accountable.

Beside him sat three other young men, all in jeans and t-shirts. This completely unacceptable dress for church in Haiti was entirely ignored by the whole church, who welcomed these men the same as everyone else, and I breathed another silent prayer..."LORD, THANK YOU." They were friends of Kenson's, that he had brought with him.

"Don't you want to become Christians today?" Abel asked them. "Not yet," they each said, but Matt whispered hope next to me. "If this is real, Kenson will bring them to the Lord." (After the service, Matt and Kenson had a long talk, and Matt quickly saw that all of the attitude, hatred and bitterness formerly possessing Kenson have been entirely replaced with a quiet joy.)

Pastor Janiel announced that every night this week there will be services, calling this week a "Week of Revival"...please be praying for these, starting tonight through next Sunday, from 5-7 pm. Pictures to come.

Overwhelmed by the miracles around me, the service began, but it wasn't until the end that that they brought me to tears. Right at the very end of the two hour service, and old man stood from the old-man-row, and picked up a stick and headed out the door.

It was Pehpay.

He met my eye and grinned, holding our hands for a moment in joy before heading home.

Pehpay should be dead. DO YOU HEAR ME? I was THERE. I held his dying hand. Pehpay lived his whole life in darkness. Pehpay should be at the beginning of an eternity of death, darkness and HELL. Pehpay should be dead.

Instead, Pehpay has been given NEW life in every way imaginable. He walked 6 blocks, by himself, to church this morning. He is just at the beginning of an eternity of glory, of love, and of sweet communion with his new found Father. Pehpay is ALIVE.

IT IS A MIRACLE, friends. Miracles, all of it. I saw 5 miracles this morning, family, with my own eyes. I was THERE. Family, I'll never have anything more sweet to share with you than this. I was THERE today, and so were YOU.

Dan and Gill, Gord and Doreen, all that you did down here to build the Seminary and His kingdom, you played a part in the bigness of today. Sam and Cammie, all the hours you spent pouring Jesus into these brothers and sisters, Christ in you did BIG things today. Have you prayed for Sakenville? Given 1$ to build a seminary in its midst? Come on a team? Prayed for Haiti? Prayed for us? YOU were there today. Christ in you, the hope of glory for Sakanville.

In this little block church in a little quiet community on a little distant island, God's doing the same thing He did for me. Called me to Him, took on my sins, and exchanged my spirit of death for a beautiful spirit of LIFE. As steadily as He's changing me, He's changing Sakanville, and doing what He does best....the impossible.

Glwa a Dye...Glory to God