not one of two choices

The Lord gave me a good thing this morning, and I've gotta give it back.

I was hurt a good while ago, deeply, and I'm sorry to say that it has shrunk me. Threw me off. Made me small.  Dimmed my light.

Been there?

As I've been smarting from this smallness, from the wrongness, struggling to get past it, striving to get back my footing, it has seemed apparent once I had forgiven that I have one of two choices in dealing with it.

I could allow those who wronged me to have their painful territory and cut myself off from it, protecting myself...or I could somehow coexist with the hurt and keep battling.  Both have those have felt sickening and painful and exhausting.

Ever been there?  Quit a friend or a job or a church because it just hurt too much to stay? Gave up lots of yourself because it felt like you didn't have a choice? Been between a rock and a hard place and finally settled on one...but it's still bitter and you're harder than you were?

I've gone back and forth between my choices a dozen times, helpless, and honestly, feeling hopeless. 

I mean, Yes, yes the Lord.

But THEY!

Have you been THERE?

I got the seven loaded up to church this morning, still clouded and feeling small over my options. 

Got to church and got worshipping in my row of teenage girls, and He gave me the incredibly freeing 3rd alternative I never thought of.

As we sang through Gratitude, this took my breath away.

I've got one response, 
I've got just one move
With my arms stretched wide,
I will worship you.

I know it's not much, but I've nothing else fit for a King

Except for a heart singing Hallelujah.

I don't have to choose between stay and bleed or walk away and lose. 

I'm not of the world, nor subject to people's powers, not tied to the two human responses I could come up with.

I have one response He's made available to me, and it also happens to be the only genuinely freeing one.

I've got one move here, and it's not trying to protect myself or reclaim territory or making sure not to empower wrong or about combating being hurt. I don't have to figure it out, nor control the uncontrollable, dish out justice nor find a way to come out on top...

I don't have the energy or even the wisdom or ability to navigate all that.

I've only got one response fitting of Him, and it's stretching open my hands, giving it to Him, eyes overwhelmed by Jesus, and worship. 

My option is to praise Him, it's all I've got, and when praising Him, eyes on Jesus, it's awfully hard to focus on wrongs.  It's impossible to focus on our injuries when we're focusing on Him.  It's not even possible we be consumed by others when truly consumed by Him. 

My choice can be not A and not B, but Him. Almighty God can be my choice. God on the throne can be my choice. Christ crucified and knowing and understanding WELL and removing the sting of death and pain can be my PLAN : ALL.  Praising Him, who was not in any way shrunk by any harm done. Not small. Eyes on Jesus, I am perfectly small and full and grateful and loved. 

A heart singing Hallelujah in every circumstance is FULL. A heart lifting praise no matter what is free.

What can man do to me, eyes on Jesus?  Eyes on Jesus, the long and weary debate of playing the cards man deals us fades away.

Glory.

I pray you've been THERE. and if not, that you're with me on the way.