so, grace.

The other night I was lying in bed trying to figure out how to balance things out better...and it reminded me why I would be totally lost if all I had to lean on was my own understanding.

It went something like this:

I REALLY enjoyed being a stay at home mommy today, even if it was because I was so sick. 

I want to do that more often...it really helped me slow down and enjoy the kids, and I got a lot of things done around the house I've been meaning to do for a LONG time. I love that!

Why have I ALWAYS worked five days a week? I bet I could arrange my schedule and make it work to be home at least one day a week.

If I worked longer hours on the other days, I could do it.  

And, I am so. far. behind. in the office.  Working longer hours would really help me get caught up.

I want to do so much more interviewing and story-telling, and then I could...and it's almost graduation, I have to get started on the headshots! And the invoices on my desk are overflowing!!!

Reality is, I REALLY need to be at work more. How can I do that without being away from home too much more?

I need to be home more.  

And I need to be at work more. 

I need to try to work a lot harder to be at home and at work more.

Ok, I can do this.

It was literally the moment I said, "I can do this," that the Holy Spirit laughed at me.  He tends to do that when I'm running mind-circles.  

I cannot do that, actually.  I cannot be two places hours more a week at the same time.  What all I wish I could do is actually physically entirely impossible.  

I cannot fix Lily's attitude. I cannot make Ben stop growing. I cannot fit more hours into any day. I cannot make my home look as clean as I wish I could. I cannot do it all.

Ahhhh. So, grace.

I wish a lot more things of myself. But He has found me well-loved by Him, and He has given me many to love-well, so I am here, doing my best, with you.  

The girls have been testing all week (lots of early morning braids and breakfasts and French verbs up in here!), there has been an airport run every single day, we've got an awesome master's class scheduled for next week on Culture and Change and two visiting professors coming in today and tomorrow to teach it (so add kneading bread to the list!) and suddenly, "graduation" is buzzing around campus.  There's just a lot to do!

Meanwhile, the girls have been working hard all week on their duet for talent show today (their school breaks up the testing each day with little dance parties, talent shows and candy distributions :) I would have been petrified to do such a thing at their age, but not Lily and Sofie.  They've got their song, their dance moves, and they're off.

Ben's 6th and 7th teeth both pushed through this week (MAN ALIVE, child).  All those times I told his sisters to STOP feeding him Pringles and carrot sticks because "he doesn't have any teeth!" must have kicked him into stubborn tooth-growing mode. He's such a happy happy drooly hungry little man.  

We're also getting our six weeks stateside this summer all booked up (updates soon!) and Matt is in the process of moving into his new office as the new classroom building gets closer and closer to DONE!  Praising the Lord for all His kinds of faithful.  

I'm SO thankful for good medication and am feeling way way better...thank you for your prayers.