Don’t get me wrong, we had a fantastic time with them. And a fantastic time with literally THOUSANDS
of people this summer. We have done a
hundred things, been a hundred places.
Almost everything we were asked or invited to do, we
did. Almost every place we were asked or invited to go, we went. Almost every person we were asked or invited
to see, we saw.
We did late nights.
We did long car rides. We did no
naps for two toddlers, we slept on couches and air mattresses and three or four in a bed. We did five services. We did time apart.
We gave it our ALL with great joy and thankful hearts. I don’t know how we could have done or seen
or been ONE MORE.
But yesterday, my sister moved into an
apartment-turned-nightmare, and she needs a fleet of cleaning fairies to join
her today on their hands and knees. Once
again, she has a need, and once again, it’s something I COULD DO, and once
again. I. Am. Not. There.
And on our way to Cincy, I called my dear friend for one
last talk. And she had a heavy heart, a
new outlook, a transition of heart, a long week. I didn’t WANT to be on the phone with
her. I wanted to be bringing her an
flour-less, sugar-less, dairy-free apple pie and look into her eyes and
LISTEN. Pray with her. I could DO that (well, with a little help
from allrecipies.com). I WANT to do
that. And once again, I. Am. Not.
Coming.
And talking as fast as we could, catching up and charging on
with Sarah last night was precious. I
could sit by her and watch our children dance together for the rest of my
life. And she just moved her little ones
from Illinois to Haiti to Kentucky, and they’re starting over and know NOone
and sure could use a friend to take the kids out while she job searches or keep
her youngest when she GETS that job or just to share her heart with.
And for six months, I got to DO that…wipe the tears and
share the sugar and stay up too late talking and watch our kids dance. And I am NOT doing that any more, and I still
WANT to be.
And after four great days with Bex, facing a huge transition
and needing some new-reality friends, I want to BE that. I want to be the common denominator to her
drastically different days, the biggest fan who gets to be a part of not just
her old dreams, but her NEW ones.
The more I think of it, the more spontaneous friend ministry
and life-on-life I want to be a part of, and am not. I’m just stopping in. America never felt like a big mission-field
to me, when I was from America.
But now that we’re from Haiti, I SEE it. It is.
A huge mission-field. With many
many needs for the SAME THING Haiti needs.
That the WORLD needs.
My epic-fail reality, again, is that I am NOT (no matter
where we lived) able to be everything that everyone needs…and I wish I
could. It breaks my heart. When we’re here, I wish we could be there for
our friends in Haiti. When we’re there,
I wish I could be there for our friends here.
Even when we’re HERE I wish we could be there for our friends here.
I want to be Jesus to everyone, everywhere, at the same time :)
Sigh.
I guess I am not God.
Once again, I’m giving my sisters, my family, our friends,
our churches, and our COUNTRY back to a living God, the One and Only Who IS
able to be everything that everyone needs in every place. Completely.
I’ve never been what anybody ever needed, in any place. I remember that, now.
It's not about ME being everything the world, and my dear ones, need.
It's about trusting HIM...that HE. IS.
Only Him.
He’s still all I’ve got worth giving, and man, I am just going to keep giving all of Him I can and working towards that being less and less of me.
As long as you think that you are of value to Him
He cannot choose you,
because you have purposes of your own to serve.
But if you will allow Him
to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency,
then He can choose you to go with Him.
It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty.
o.chambers
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