His touch

When I woke up this morning after an almost completely sleepless night, my throat still painfully sore, school for Lily in 40 minutes and for myself in 50, and pulled a screaming Sofie from her crib only to find her burning, still burning to the touch...

i didn't think I could do it.  The day.  The morning.  Anything.  

I had prayed all night, ALL night, over and over, for His healing touch.  

Clearly He hadn't touched her at ALL.  What was I going to do?

A quick check on my email came more frightening news from Sofie's pediatrician in Jersey.  "This is when she needs to get to a doctor.  GO."

I got Lily off, set up my class, and tearily ran home and got a completely lethargic Sofie and headed for Dr. Rodney.  Having blood drawn barely stirred her, she kept falling in and out of fitful sleep.  She was SO hot.  

As we waited for results, I carried her back and forth throughout the clinic yard, past women whose limbs were as horrifically thin as Sofie's...children just as sick...lots of obvious signs of AIDS, Tuberculosis...misery.   

And as I prayed, I found myself asking God in my weariness...

Aren't YOU scared?

My silent question seemed to ring out throughout the coughing, wheezing yard.  

errrr....No.  No, I guess you're not.  

You're not scared, are you?  Because You know the future.  

You know You've got it, huh.  

You have no reason to be scared, because You are GOD.


Then why are YOU scared? I felt Him ask me right back. 

Because You DON'T know I've got it?  Because you DON'T know I'm God?


I felt suddenly foolish.  Why WAS I scared?  

The answer was obvious.  

Because I didn't trust Him.  


Sure, I trusted Him with Sofie, but only for MY result.  And without a guarantee on that result...I was afraid.

Suddenly I felt the sunny yard full of skinny and sick and staring people become a holy place of honesty.  Of truth.  Of shame.

I realized that all the days I'd been raising my hands up confessing trust and confidence in Him were promised in light of things going MY way...in light of health and sunshine when the rubber really hit the road.  

The ground felt holy...and I did not.  I'll forever be grateful for the simple but clear way my true heart was exposed through this, and for the touch of His forgiveness and the gift of faith.  I gave Him Sofie, AGAIN, truly.  

The same lesson I learned just days ago for Lily applied again:  We are not our own, but HIS, and as such, have N-O-T-H-I-N-G to fear.

Even where there's no ER.  

He wasn't scared because He was God.  
I wasn't scared for the same reason.

Rodney called us in, went through a slew of issues she might have, settled on Dengue Fever, gave me a pill bottle with the label ripped off full of pink syrup, and told me what to watch carefully for.  

He was super busy, there were another hundred people to see, but as I reached out to thank him, he put his hands, instead, on Sofie, and plummeted into prayer, thanking God for her life and asking Him to heal her, for His glory.

We brought her home, gave her 'the pink stuff' (talk about trust), and a student was at the door, wanting to pray for us before heading home for the weekend.  

He came in, started to pray over our weary selves, and put his hands on our shoulders, praying for God's presence and God's peace in our lives and home.

We got through the afternoon, and suddenly, Sofie wanted down (for the first time in DAYS), and there she was on the sidewalk, picking up little rocks and toddling around the yard...a complete miracle after being completely unable to do so the past four days, just a few hours earlier.  

And at dinner, she ate 3 noodles and 2 carrots, more than she's eaten in days.

And after dinner, we decided to do her VERY favorite thing, ride around the campus slowly on the bike.  She grinned and squealed, and hearing her joy mixed with the laughter of the students as they played ball, seeing the sun setting on the glorious mountains around us, I felt His touch.

The one I had prayed for, and the one He had sent...
His touch on my heart in the yard, Rodney's hands on Sofie's back, Frantz's grip on my shoulder, Sofie's little hand in mine as we fed the goats.  

 

His touch is the miracle, isn't it.

On our bodies, yes.  But on our hearts...that's the place where the Promises are kept--where the peace comes, where the joy dwells, where the trust is faithful--despite circumstances.

 Despite me.