American/Haitian/His.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but soon, face to face;

now I know in part, but soon I will know fully

just as I also have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

These past two weeks have been interesting, making me realize what a weird situation we live in daily!

We grew up in America around Americans, and therefore have many American mindsets and cultural "norms" built into our DNA.  We've lived in Haiti for five years now, and find that we have not only added many Haitian cultural norms to our personal culture, but have even replaced some.  So today we find that we have a unique cultural DNA.

When we're in the States, we feel weird.  When we're here, we feel weird.  No situation ever feels 100% "normal" any more, and then we throw our girls into the mix, who are both growing up in Haiti, with 98% of their friends and daily acquaintances being Haitian, in a semi-American home to semi-Americans.

These past two weeks, Matt was in the States but traveling and living with Haitians, and I was here, but with my American dad and sister living with me.  And with new Canadian neighbors :)

To top it all off, both our worlds have proven to be largely secular, without-god cultures, and we have both taken on an entirely new and different Christ-culture, changing the way we see and experience and believe things, all the more.

Having so many visitors in the house while I was so sick was really hard for my sister...and by the end of the week, really hard for me!

However, a good friend did not come and see me when I was sick (as I had thought I wished everyone would do) and I was genuinely hurt.

When Lisa and I were driving to town on Friday we saw something really painful, and saw a group of young children laughing at it...and instead of being appalled as I would have been years before, I found a sense of cultural understanding: life is too painful and has been far too ugly for small children to accept, and thus the cultural norm of laughing at misfortune or heartbreak is born.

But when a group at Wesley shared a presentation and were rather "ripped up" by their professor, Matt was surprised that all four of his Haitian classmates were laughing hilariously.

Having the man behind them in Starbucks say some rude and hurtful things (rather normal in any culture, I guess) to Luke and Vilmer about "how things are done in America" was really painful and embarrassing for Matt, but at the airport in Cap-Haitien when dozens of people were fighting Matt for his suitcase, Matt was quite at ease.

In the jumble of it all, I am so thankful that I am not at the mercy of any culture, nor must be defined by any.  I am happy to be well-grounded and identified in Him as His, belittling the importance of "cultural" norms and where I am from.

We should be strange here...not because we're Americans seeking our American culture, but because we are His and seeking His.  And we should be strange in the States because we look like Christ, who I'm pretty sure never looked too "American".  And as we work in both cultures AS both cultures, we always want and need to have people in our lives who share our Host Culture: Christ.

Very thankful to have people like that here and there and everywhere.

Once again, as we struggled these past weeks with "what we are" and "what is normal", our peace has come from what He describes as His 'normal' in His Word and as He describes how we are to act, respond, live and think, regardless of country.  We'd be lost without it!

Prayers for the Week:
   -continued healing for Matt and I both
   -a great return and re-dedication to Biblical study for our students
   -my women's Bible study begins THURSDAY on Christian Character!
   -the 2 weeks away helped Matt identify some changes that need to be made...praying for strength and wisdom as he does so!
   -for Lily, who is struggling with Grandpa in and out, Lisa in and out, Dad being gone for two weeks...instability
   -for the 6 visiting professors and/or friends coming in this weekend to help at EBS!

to be or not to be

There are some days here that end with me genuinely and joyfully thinking: We have arrived!  I feel a part of this culture!  We get it, we're living it, we're becoming Haitian!


Today was not one of those days.


Yesterday evening, a good friend, Magalee, and her 8 month daughter came to see me.  Her husband Junior has what seems like multiple-sclerosis, and became ill right in her last months of pregnancy.  A God-hearted and joyful woman, Magalee and I quickly became friends through trips to visit and pray for Junior.


This past year has been heartbreaking and difficult for her, and I hardly recognized the gaunt, tired eyed woman at my door.  There was no mistaking Abby-guy-ee (no idea how you spell that) however.  Wide-eyed, chunky, alert and happy, she and Lily played on the floor for about an hour while her mom and I visited.

(Lily goofing with Gertha and Sofie with Micheline)

As soon as they left, Lily was abuzz.  "MOM, I LOVE HER" she gushed.  "I love kids!"


She didn't forget overnight, either, and woke up begging to play with kids.  So, throughout the morning of visitors, dirty dishes and laundry, I promised that we'd go play with "the six" across the street "in a little bit".  Two single mothers split a little block home directly in front of the gate.  Three little girls belong to one, and three little boys belong to the other, a home Lily always loved visiting.


Lily begged and begged and finally could be put off no longer.  We grabbed Sofie and headed off, Lily squealing and clapping her hands.  "The six" were just as thrilled to see Lily, but we hadn't been there but 10 seconds before the yard was suddenly full.  Anxious to see the "ti-blanc" (little foreigner), dozens of children ran over, and anxious to see the new baby, bored adults from up and down the street quickly streamed in.


Extreme curiosity, close encounters and bold questionings are quite often to be found as a foreigner in Haiti, so I wasn't phased, but Lily's happy eyes quickly turned fearful as she clung to my skirt.  With everyone talking and pulling at me at once, Sofie began to bawl, which was quickly met by a dozen mothers strongly urging me that the baby must be fed, NOW.


It is believed by many in this culture that thumb-sucking leads to mental slowness in children, so as soon as Lily became frightened and popped her thumb in her mouth, a dozen hands reached out and ripped it back out...so Lily began bawling and trying to climb up my leg.


A very boisterous and forceful woman, seeing that I was NOT feeding the crying baby as instructed, starting pulling at Sofie and ripping her shirt up at the same time.  "I'm going to feed her!" she kept insisting.  


(Recognize that while a lot of this sounds and seems rude from our cultural standpoint, everyone was only being curious and helpful in Haiti's.  Remember: community, community, community).


Helpful or not, overwhelmed or not, this lady was NOT going to feed by baby.  Trying to comfort Lily at the same time, I said a quick prayer and searched the crowd for His Spirit.  I immediately made eye contact with a woman I'd been to pray for several times throughout the past year,  a woman who won't step in church but loves the Lord.


Whew.


I snatched Sofie back from loud-lady, quickly handed her to Spirit-eyes, scooped up a now bawling Lily, tried to answer as many of the questions as I could in Creole while speaking peace to Lily in English, and waited for thing to calm down.

Was Sofie a boy?
Why didn't she have any hair?
Why weren't her ears pierced?
Why do I let Lily suck her thumb?
Why isn't Lily in school yet?
Do foreigners breastfeed?
Do I give Sofie other foods, too?
Where were we for the past 8 weeks?
Did I suffer much in labor?
Where was Matt?
Were we married, or just living together?
Don't we wish Sofie had been a boy?
Why do foreigners give all their children such short names?
Will we keep having children until God gives us a boy?
Was Matt upset that she was a girl?
Why was Lily crying?
Why couldn't loud-lady feed the baby?
Doesn't Lily know how to speak yet?


When everyone realized that we weren't actually all that exciting, most everyone moved on...but the damage was done.  "Mommy, I want to go HOME," Lily cried, and my heart just broke.


She had been so excited, and now she was desperate to get away from the very kids she had come to play with.  She had wanted to play with kids so that she could play with other people like her, and had come away instead feeling like a lonely object.  I felt equally sad for the other kiddos, who didn't understand why Lily wouldn't play with them or why she was crying.

Our friend Sharon reminded me recently that while Matt and I have chosen to be missionaries in this country, Lily didn't, and she doesn't have to be.  While we want to teach her to be Christ-like in how she treats people, we don't want to forget that she doesn't have to be a missionary toddler.  But today wasn't about doing ministry out in Saccanville, nor did all this happen while I was out evangelizing.  Sigh.


Things did quiet down, Sofie was perfectly happy with my friend, Lily calmed down, and even wandered about a bit with a few other little girls until the whole lot of children ran into the tiny dirt-floor block house, and bizarrely came out with a little DVD player.  A mini movie theater with rocks for seating quickly emerged, and all the children crowded around with the adults to watch a very old and very foul-languaged Jackie Chan movie.  SO random.


Lily looked at me from her rock again with a dozen questions in her eyes, none of which I had answers to but to laugh and draw a small wan smile from her round face.  Once everyone was well captivated, I thanked our friends, scooped Sofie back up in my left arm and Lily in my right and we headed home.


"I'm sorry, Lil" I told her as we walked home.


"That was not fun" she whimpered.


Ah.  Everyone says that life changes drastically with children.  Life in Haiti, all the more!

Please be praying for us as we try to help our children thrive and understand and be a part of their home. Pray for God to help us be extra creative in how we can bring friends into our girls lives and how we can do ministry that is healthy and not harmful for them and how we can live life here in a way that shows the girls the beauty of a different culture.  Pray for wisdom as we take one day at a time, prioritize, and live and minister here!


Praising the Lord again at the end of the day that He is our culture and the Father of not just us, but Lily and Sofie, too.

eyes and teeth and thankfulness

As each year passes, we find the experience of "re-entrance" into our mother culture to always be a bit different. Different things impact us differently each time, and some things this time are harder or easier than they were a year ago, two years ago.

It is striking us a lot more this time about just how very different our "two worlds" are. It's not just the poverty...it's the thinking, the language, the priorities, the traditions, the food, the goals, the humor, the clothing, the churches, Just EVERYTHING. Walking into a restaurant tonight I waited for an older couple leaving to strike up a conversation. It would just be UNHEARD of that two passing couples wouldn't exchange a few words (or probably more!) in Haiti.

But when the couple didn't even look up, but walked past us without acknowledgement, I was just dumfounded and hurt! ...not because this is worse or better than Haitian culture, but just that ignoring strangers is NORMAL for American culture, MY culture, and yet it is NOT normal for me anymore.

There have been 100 such "ti-shocks" these past days of just things being entirely different than we had expected, because we have come to expect THIS culture to be like the one we have become so at home in. We feel a bit like foreigners, trying to learn new ways :)

I felt so blessed at the dentist yesterday (an ABSOLUTE first :) ). They cleaned our teeth, and I needed one cavity filled. And so? He filled it. A problem I didn't even know I had is fixed before I ever had a problem and (hopefully) our insurance will mostly take care of it.

When the dentist thanked me for coming, I was hit with an unexpected wave of emotion. I mean, THANK YOU! I felt so blessed to have had the opportunity...having so many dear friends and students and neighbors with smiles that make you just CRINGE with pain, only imagining what agony those rotting teeth and painful abscesses are causing them, most with literally NO hope of aid, and the rest, only with the ability to scrape together enough money to have the teeth yanked.

While so many, even at a very young age, shift corn cobs to try to find a good tooth, I have a seemingly flawless and perfect set of teeth (thanks to a lot of work!) and can't say that I have EVER experienced major problems.

Lily had 6 vaccinations on Wednesday, and just like that, she will not suffer from mumps, won't be paralyzed by polio, won't die of some disease that we don't even SEE in America anymore...unlike almost ALL of her little friends. Just like that!

Dear friends who have squinted their entire lives through, unaware that there are leaves to be seen on trees, expressions to be seen on faces, stars to be seen in the sky...and we have perched on our noses framed 20/20 vision and are considering Lasik.

AH, it is all a lot to deal with, isn't it? Sorry to share the burden! He is faithful, and we trust Him, and we know without a doubt that there is nothing that is GOOD and LASTING outside of the joy of knowing HIM...a beautiful gift that many such pained and blinded family possess fully and joyfully and freely! I am thankful...

I am so very grateful for this stretching gift that God has given us to constantly evaluate what HIS Culture is, and work to integrate THOSE norms into our lives! Keep digging into your Bible with us...the priorities and speech and standards and clothing and churches and humors and lifestyles and relationships that bring Him delight are ALL there.

Love and prayers and hoping to see you soon!

Jesus Culture

"I will sing of lovingkindness & justice to you, O Lord, I will sing praises" I read first thing this morning from Psalm 101.

"I will give heed to the blameless way. When will you come to me?

I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes. I hate the work of those who fall away. It will not fasten its grip on me.

Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty heart will I endure. My eye will be upon the faithful. He who walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to me."

For the first years I worked in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, and the first two years that we worked together in Northern Haiti, everything in Haiti just looked different. There are SO few similarities between Haitian culture and American culture, Haitian thinking and American thinking, Haitian perspective and American perspective, that we were always at odds with where we are. We have appreciated many of the differences, and many, have even loved...but Haiti has always been different.

We are finding now, however, almost three years here in Cap-Haitien, that we have changed...are changing. We now frequently HAVE the Haitian perspective, and the American. We sometimes forget what was American culture and what was Haitian culture. We continually catch ourselves using English words in Haitian order, or Creole words in English sentences without realizing it.

Even Lily, dear one, calls dogs dogs, but chickens 'poul', cookies cookies but cake 'gateau'.

I saw an American woman a few weeks ago on a team wearing pants, and I balked. Scandalous! I was sincerely shocked, ME, who will gleefully embrace my long lost jeans the moment I hit American soil.

It doesn't phase me anymore that every single person we pass yells "give a gift to me of the little white one!" Why does everyone ask for Lily? Why does everyone make sure to clarify that they aren't offering money for her, but just want her for free? Did missionaries or foreigners used to give out their children to the strongest asker? How does this not seem weird to me?

Someone commented in the car a few weeks ago about the garbage, and I honestly thought, "What garbage?" All I see anymore is the people, though I remember being shocked and overwhelmed by the trash our first months here.

I found a very rare crate of apples on the way home from the beach on Sunday (which I miss and long for all the time), but didn't buy any because in the culture I'm in they were far too expensive...at 45 cents an apple. (Ah, what is WRONG with me!)

Why doesn't it bother me that every evening our watchman stands right outside our many windows and watches us...read, talk, type, do dishes...until we go to bed? This "curious and bored, not rude" part of Haitian culture used to drive me CRAZY, and now, James and I talk about the Bible or laugh about his little sisters while we all watch a movie, two of us from the couch and one through the window over our shoulders (we'd invite him in if only he weren't supposed to be working!)

Wouldn't a man waving and urinating in the middle of the major road to town be weird in the States? (Is it weird that we grin and wave back?) Wouldn't visiting people in their homes and finding half of the family naked (oh, the heat!) have made me blink a few years ago?

Do other seminaries have electric razors and cell phones plugged into every available outlet at all times? Should it still be uncomfortable that the guys constantly ask me if they can go "make pee-pee" during class?

Should I still mind that every time Matt or I gain so much as a pound, dozens of people comment on how "beautiful and fat" we are?

Should I be infuriated when everyone from the naked-butt child to the shoe-shine guy to the babysitter tell me every single moment that I should do EVERYTHING differently with Lily and currently do NOTHING right? (Don't hold her like that, she is too cold, she is too hot, you need to watch her, don't let her do that, why aren't her ears pierced, do NOT let her suck her thumb, you need to make her tea with those red flowers, white women cannot breast-feed, the skin of potatoes is why she is sick, why doesn't she have a little brother yet, when will she have a little brother, it is shameful she has no little brother, you should be glad her nose does not look like yours.)

I don't know! But even Matt, whom I thought at the beginning would never adjust to certain elements of Haitian culture has now become a part of the culture himself, gnawing happily on sugar cane with the guys, eating and drinking all kinds of really not clean stuff and asking for seconds, bee-lining through the packed out market to haggle for eggs or beans, speaking in Haitian proverbs and holding hands with the staff and students for a ridiculously long amount of time after shaking them so as to not offend the friend.

eggs, 30 per flat

Thankfully, I'm finding the Lord changing us through the Haitian culture in important ways, as well. As we loosen our grip on our own culture to make room for a new one, it somehow becomes easier to loosen our grip on the world's culture and make room for HIS. How I look, how we appear, what people think...fading, fading in importance. What He desires, where His heart is, what is important to Him...increasingly taking over our thinking.

Don't care about skirts or pants or what they mean there or here...I want to walk in the blameless way before my God.

Don't care about rich or poor or having or not having. We've seen that either makes no real difference. I just want to set no worthless thing before my eyes.

Don't about my space or my rights, my things or my plans...they aren't important here...and I'm realizing they're not important to Him, either (Praise the Lord for this, because if justice was the most important thing to Him, I'd be facing death!).

Don't have one support for a haughty look or an arrogant heart...The only thing of worth within me is He Who Is Above Culture, and that, only to be given freely away.

How thankful I am to find my Bible a native to every man, my God a national on every mountain, His Spirit at home in every household.

We will never be Haitian, even if we spent our lives trying to be, and we'll never quite be American again, either. Ever felt that you don't quite fit anywhere?

Let us, then, be the faithful. He who walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to Me.