Every time we pass an outstretched hand, and that is daily, we think about it. Every time someone comes to the house, and that is daily, to ask for financial help, we think about it again. Every time we see a hungry child, a sick friend, a widowed family...every time we see an internet ad for $100 jeans, an article about the stock market, and email about our support account.
When you live as Americans, on support from others, in a fifth world country where people are fighting to survive, not to thrive, it makes sense that cents come up a lot.
Our living conditions might not be as nice as what we grew up with, but we are the ONLY PEOPLE in our entire village with running water. With a toilet. With internet. With a laptop. With a camera. With a washing machine. With warm water. With drinkable water. With fans. With electricity. Our house is comparatively HUGE and luxurious.
We have two physical worlds (the US and Haiti) that we come from and live in, and two inner worlds of human (desire for and dependent on stuff) vs. spiritual (desire for and dependent on Christ alone)....And trying to reconcile these worlds and realities full-time keep us up many nights.
If anything, we have more questions now than we had answers five years ago. Once my head gets to boggled and my heart too heavy, I ask Him to bring me back to the basics, and yesterday, He blessed me by doing just that.
Our good friend and past student Enick dropped in to see me in my office yesterday morning. I laughed inwardly when I saw him because I had JUST received an email from a stateside friend that I never hear from about him just several minutes before.
Enick's the pastor at Coup-a-David, a favorite little church of ours WAY up in the mountains. Gifted, intelligent, honest, clear-eyed and tireless, Enick has blessed us many times through the years with his joy, his desire to please the Lord, and his constant unselfish outpouring of Christ alone on all around him.
In August, he bought his little brother Walnique to the Seminary, telling me that while he had tried and tried to talk his brother into going into ANY field BUT the ministry, Walnique was determined that he was called to follow in his brother's footsteps. We didn't talk about it much then, but Enick forked over all the crumpled bills he had, introduced us to a smaller version of himself, and left.
Yesterday, he met my joyful greeting with a chagrin smile. He knew Walnique owed money. I knew Walnique owed money. He knew I knew. But I didn't mention it, and instead inquired all about ministry on the mountain, musical and medical ministry he's involved in, and his family.
"How is Walnique doing?" he asked me, and it was my great pleasure to just drip with compliments. "He's SO quick," I told him. "He thinks WAY more critically than the average student, he keeps all his teachers on their toes, he works hard, the other students really like him, he's very eager, tireless. He really is exactly what EBS is looking for. He's a lot like you."Enick grinned sheepishly, and then told me how proud he was of his little brother. However, again he told me how much he had wished Walnique had done something else with his life.
"Why do you say that, Enick?" I asked, "When it's SO obvious that this is what God made Him for? When you yourself are doing it?"
"Stacey," he said. "Have you ever heard me complain?"
"Nope," I said, truthfully.
"You know a lot of times I am shaking, because I haven't eaten in a long time. You know I sleep often in the mud, that I never have ANY money, and that I never know where my next meal will come from. Everything I have is the charity of others. But I never complain, not because I am trying not to complain, but because I truly LOVE it.
"But you know I am the oldest son. I have two elderly parents that have no jobs. I have 4 younger brothers and sisters. It is one thing for me to choose to live by faith. It is something else to go to my families house and see that there is NO food, and ask THEM to live by faith. They are ALL looking to me, and I have failed them.
"Walnique is more talented, more intelligent, than I. He could really DO something for this family if he became a doctor, a business man. SOMEONE has to take care of my family. What am I going to do, with Walnique in theology?" he asked, head in his hands.
I'd never thought through his situation like this. I never had seen in five years of working with him his true burden.
He continued, "I know we owe money for him. I know I have this bill," he pulled it out of his jacket pocket. "But I don't know what to tell you. I don't have anything. I have tried to find the money every way possible. You know I HATE asking for help, but I even emailed a friend from the states weeks ago, but never heard back. I don't know what to do. Stace, I need help."
Yesterday, I saw a miracle unfold before Enick did.
"You mean, you contacted THIS friend?" I asked, turning my computer around so he could see my inbox, an open email on the desktop from that morning.
He peered at my screen with surprise. "Actually, YEAH. That friend. What...? Did she email YOU?"
"What?" he asked me. "When did you get that?"
"Thirty minutes ago," I smiled.
"Right before I came in?" he asked again.
"Yep. It looks like your need was already met before you even asked. Looks like asking your family to live with you by faith might be awesome for them, too. Looks like maybe God thinks it's HIS job to provide for your family, not yours."
Enick broke into one of his signature huge gap-toothed smiles, but this time with rare tears mixed in.
"Yes" was all he could say and I swear I could "see" the burden lifted from his bony shoulders. "Yes."
Back to the basics. He says if He feeds the birds and robes the flowers, then He cares for and will provide all the more for YOU. For Enick. I needed the reminder as much as Enick, and when our mutual friend emailed again last night these words, I was blessed all the more.
How can I send the money? I know that Enick lives by faith trusting the Lord to supply his needs. This is a good opportunity for me to be used by the Lord to channel funds from a donor to a very worthy cause. It gives me great joy. I don't remember that Enick has ever asked me for anything for himself.
And as if that weren't enough, almost $900 USD has been pledged so far for Bibles. (yeah...WOW.) We were able to buy 41 this morning (that was all the bookstore had right now) and have funds to buy more as soon as more come in. That means 41 Bibles are going out with Belony and students right now, to be distributed as they feel led over the next two weeks of evangelism and discipleship.
God's Word. God's Provision. And God's joy to be had by all in the giving and receiving and giving again.
Very blessed, today, to be somewhere in the middle.
Thank you...
all the pictures on this post (except for the Bibles) come from Coup-a-David, the area Enick pastors.
