faithful fumes

I was texting with a new Wellspring friend today as we compared notes on the trials of wrapping up this school year. So much to do. Stressed and weary children. Not enough hours in the day. Exhaustion. Uncertainty about future details. Trying to be present. Counting down the days.

Praying for you as you finish strong! I wrote...but hesitated before I hit send.

I've always been about finishing strong. All that really matters is that you finish strong! I have told this to myself and to my children many times, prayed many times, "Lord, help us to finish strong!"

But this time as I sought to encourage my friend, I hesitated. 

What if she doesn't? the Lord whispered. Does that whole idea echo of me, or of the Stacey way?

Now I put my phone down altogether. 

Is "finish strong" even what I should be going for?

"I'm wrapping up on fumes," she had concluded.

I quickly deleted my message and tried again.

Fumes are ok. I didn't use to think so. But the Lord has definitely been teaching me a lot these last two years about how my fumes (instead of my muscles) are often where He is strong and glorified. Maybe our faithful fumes are what He wants to work through and be strong in, for His glory. 

I realized as I sent my revised response that it was TRUE.

Maybe finishing strong is all about me relying on my own strength and stubbornness. Maybe finishing strong is all about saving face, all about proving I'm no quitter.

Maybe the Lord doesn't care much about those things. Maybe, in fact, they are inhibiting Him from shining His GLORY through my life and His GLORY unto others.

Maybe the fragrance far more pleasing to the Lord would be faithful fumes...whisps of myself and my efforts, transparent shadows of my abilities and commitment, and instead weary and clingy and obvious dependence upon Him, faithful whispers of God carrying the times and the burdens and all the things. 

In a week where I have battled worry over a few major things out of my control almost every moment, I am going for just faithful fumes. May He be strong in my weakness, as He promises to be, and may He be glorified in the fragrance of my heart instead of the sweat of my efforts. 

You don't have to finish this season strong, dear ones.  Let's just finish at His feet...where He is only just beginning.