here I am

 I'm finding it much harder to make the time I need to work on correspondence and writing and photo and video editing and marketing WITHOUT four hours a day in my office...those 20 hours a week were precious!  

They have been filled with precious things, but ZERO hours a day in no office means it's all happening (or trying to happen) after everyone is finally tucked in at night...and mama is nodding her way through with no-where-near enough time. 

I've only been through a few thousand of the photos I took in Haiti, and man, it's hitting me.  I took pictures of sacred moments I'm not really processing until now...going through so many of these photos is downright worship. The days are so filled with school for the kids and cleaning and hospitality and so much parenting, and there is no Gertha to play with Ben for two hours while I do so, nor Aunt Sharon to read to the girls while I write. 

The kids and I went and voted yesterday, all five of our very first time, and my heavens, there has been no better day to declare that truly our hope does not lie in kings or kingdoms, but in Him. I couldn't have gotten through it had my hope been wrapped up in black dots or man's wisdom and promises.

He is both still on the throne, and ALSO still asking us to interfere...He is both king, and still asking us to participate and live justice and mercy and peace and great love.  

How we trust Him, and also how heavily His word resonate still..."who will go for me?" He is HOLY, and yet He asks us to be, too.  He is securely on the throne, yet He asks us to keep on fighting. To keep on giving up that shirt, too. To keep on loving with His love those who know it NOT.  

How wide His kingdom...both now and also not yet.  

So we carry on. 

We are sitting here nodding off, both of us. Don't know what to do about Haiti or about America, or even how to catch up on all these emails or deal with all this lonely-heartedness, nor even how to keep the toys in the bins or  just how to keep the mismatched socks on all these icy feet. Don't know how to better balance all this, nor balance our hearts. 

But.

I know where He is...on the throne, on the throne.

and Here I am, nodding-off and so-behind and not-anywhere-near-enough.  

Send me.