hands full

Mother's Day was a good day, spent deliberately thanking the Lord for all of the women my mom spent her last weeks praying for...women who would show up for me, who would be there and support me and love me and challenge me well, who would one day love and show up for my children.

Those last weeks, her conversations with the Lord were continual and out-loud. Sometimes I thought she was talking to me, the only person in the room, and realized she was talking to the Lord again...and sometimes her prayers were too difficult for words, and I remember seeing her lips moving and tears running down her cheeks. So many times she begged the Lord to put people in her place for my brother, sister and I. 

Those prayers made me angry. 

I didn't want other people in her place.  I wanted her in her place, and I didn't want prayers that felt to me like she was quitting.

What a testimony to me today, so many years later, of a mother who prayed the most selfless prayers possible...of a mother who never wanted to miss one thing, and prayed and trusted Him to be good, instead.  The only thing she was giving up on was her desires.  

That's a mom worth celebrating.  

So instead of mourning that loss on mother's day, I sure do try to rejoice in the daily physical answers to her prayers. 

Just as the Lord promised Israel that Jericho was theirs well before they'd seen inside the city, the Lord held the answers to mama's prayers before she even prayed them, and His hands must have been  full...I am so very blessed by a multitude of mother/sister/friends melodies who love us so well. 

We also had the joy of physically going to church on Sunday, the first time in several months, as you all relate to...and what a gift!  Even not really knowing anyone, it was such a joy to worship again with other believers, to hear an interactive message, to chat with brothers and sisters before and after. Online church has been such a gift and privilege, but as we all know, it is just not the same!  Afterwards, the pastor shook my hand and asked me how we were doing with this whole process, assured me of his prayers...we just don't get that online, do we.

Lovely Lady Jane and her daughter had brought us pulled pork and chips and buns and cookies the day before, and we saved them for Mother's Day lunch...I'm counting it all answers to mama's forever-ago prayers.

By the time we had lunch, Lily had found a turtle in our ridiculously overgrown backyard (we're working on it, but keep having major allergic reactions to ripping out all the bamboo).  By the time her friends all showed up, Mother's Day had become a turtle parade, and several hours later, the kids had built a "natural turtle bamboo habitat" :)  

Myrtle-turned Turbo-turned Houdini has been the latest obsession, as the last two days have been full of habitat renovations, losing the turtle, tears, finding the turtle, celebrations, grapes, and yesterday, even a full out turtle wedding between Houdini and Princess Jelly Bean. These kids are creative, if nothing else! 

We also took a long beautiful Mother's Day walk, listening to all the girls chatter and feeding Ben continuously, and that was lovely...being outside just does us all good. I also got to talk to Lisa and Aunt Sharon and Aunt Marilyn, and just like going to church, hearing their voices was so much better than email. 

 

There are a lot of things I'm praying for right now. I know that you are, too...Things we don't even know how to pray for.  So, I just keep lifting up my heart. 

I just keep lifting up my heart. And I'm going to trust, today, that He's got His hands already full of good answers. 

Maybe not what I want.

But I had a mama who prayed in front of me, continually, for the desires of HIS heart, not her own. So I've got a good example.