1) Receiving is not easy for me...I can't tell you all the ways thoughtful people, here and at home and even afar have been sacrificing for our family, and the desire to somehow return all the grace threatens to ruin it and keep me up at night. I am working to be still and know...to know His love, to know His kindness, to know His unmerited grace...through His children. It is a sweet, hard learning, as is the realization that accepting and dwelling in His love is rare for me...and I need to work on that.
2) Our children needed this time...they are flourishing, flourishing, not from ice cream and grapes and all the mandarin oranges they can eat (seriously, whatever the OPPOSITE of scurvy is, they all have it) but from Mommy and Daddy staying put. We are not running in and out of the house. We are not entertaining countless visitors while we tell them to patiently wait...wait. We are listening, asking, chatting, laughing, sitting with them, playing hours of playdough, reading books while they're in the bath, having meals just the six of us and relishing them...and they are relishing that. It's not a for always situation, and it shouldn't be...but we are all relishing it right now.
3) Even after all these years, and without me really realizing it, I still get culture shock-y. Trying to get books at the library...trying to figure out an incredibly different church situation...the grocery store...just the grocery store, I keep finding myself fighting tears, tears that make no sense. I don't have all the answers for all the questions the kids have myself, and it's a lot. Things that feel like they shouldn't be a lot, are a lot. I'm seeking grace in those moments, seeking grace, and trying to let that be it, enough, ok.
4) Haiti has ruined us on sunshine. We have so much sunshine, I mean, 361 days a year, and we are outside most of the day, 361 days a year, and our windows are open holes in the wall with screens, open, always...and just a few overcast, rainy and chilly days here and it truly affects our moods! We NEED that sunshine, we need to be outside, we have become (and my children always have been) outdoor people. The gray days of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and we couldn't figure out why we were feeling so down! I grew up in OHIO, so didn't really realize this has become a thing, but it definitely has!
5) It feels weird to be in pants. And I can't bring myself to wear them to church. But, airport pants, in the fifty degree weather, are really good.
6) I never realized how much more laundry comes with cooler weather! At home, I have four sundresses, a onesie, and Matt's dress clothes to wash every day. WHAT IN THE WORLD is it with socks??? Suddenly, I have pants, socks, t-shirts, long sleeve shirts, and occasional sweatshirts to wash every day, times SIX. Where are all the socks going? How can we never find socks?? We bought THREE pairs of socks per person, 18 pairs of socks, and today Sofie literally wore 2 mismatched Nora socks, and Nora wore 2 mismatched socks of Ben. You all have been telling me. I am learning.
7) Being around so many people from so many walks of life has shaped our family drastically. As I watch the girls talk to adults and children, babies and homeless people and strangers and waitresses and people in the parking lot, I am astounded at how comfortable, social and capable they are, truly. They think of things to talk to people about from the other person's shoes, and I am blessed by the compassionate thinking they have developed. Thank you, Lord, for the ways you have used Haiti to shape our perspectives, even if we're a little weird, and for the way the girls see every person as a friend-in-the-waiting...teaching me.
8) We like the white stuff. THIS kind of white stuff.
9) Being able to call people on the phone is FUN. I got to talk long and good with my best friend one night, with Sharon one afternoon, with my sister a bunch of times, with my dad, and it's NICE. It is. I miss that.
10) He can be trusted. Yes, I am always...always learning that. But I still am. He can be trusted. Trusted with our dear ones. Trusted with our children. Trusted with our marriage, with our hearts, with our pasts, with our futures, with our comings and goings, with our friends, with our enemies, with our hopes and with our despairs. He can be trusted with our feelings, with our perspectives, with our fears, with our doubts, with our anger, with our joys. He can be trusted, and He is always leading me out on faith...in sunshine and rain, in overwhelming grocery stores and overwhelming markets, in one child and four, in youth and age, in steady and change, in sickness and in health...do I trust Him?
I do, I do.
No comments:
Post a Comment