in the middle

Our children will not keep their shoes on...doesn't matter how cold it is, every time I turn around, there are 20 kids on the playground and three have abandoned their shoes...we should have worked on this more at home.

Then, we get in the car with their red little feet, and Nora hollers from her "tied-down chair" to "turn on the hot air-conditioner, pleeeeeze!"

We are also realizing that a lot of what keeps us really busy is simply having four kids :) By the time we do breakfast and devotions, homeschool 6th, 4th and pre-k, laundry, cooking, clean up, any out-of-house activity like the playground or hiking, and add in daily counseling we're doing right now...and the day is full and done and dark!  (You are not surprised by this, I know :) 

What IS different is being able to DO the homeschooling myself, being able to sit on a bench, with Matt, and watch them play, being able to listen and talk at dinner without being hosts...being able to sit and read lots of books in the middle and enjoy walks, even if they are too cold for mama.

Ben also learned this today, so ....

 Sofie WAS there too, just off with her new "very best friend" that she met 30 seconds before on the playground. 

We are so thankful for SoulCare, not only helping us with a few counseling sessions a week (I mean, how many times in life when you've thought, "I just need a little help working my mind through this!" have you actually GOTTEN that? we're so thankful!) but ALSO finding some awesome people to play with the kids for the two hours and hang at the house while Ben is sleeping so we can do it.  I love that our kids are also getting some awesome women to talk to, to art with, to play with...and that people are so selflessly investing in our family right now. 

I must admit it feels a little weird being away from home, and away from home in the States, too, and away from work and from so many things...from family there and here and there. I keep reminding myself that part of "pausing" and making space for the Lord to speak and work MEANS being a little out of the way, means being a little uncomfortable, means actually making space. 

It is downright uncomfortable for me NOT to have a ridiculously packed day....it's a little quiet for me to sit and watch and play with the kids and also not be trying to whip up fresh rolls and homemade mashed potatoes...it's a little slow for me to not have a dozen demands on each day...

and that is GOOD.  Quiet(er) is when He speaks. Slow(er) is when He leads. Uncomfortable is often where He manifests, and I am thankful. 

As soon as the kids are down each night we're reading up a storm, and I'm so thankful for that precious time, too...right now I'm loving Every Moment Holy, a liturgy book...so good, and Sacred Marriage and If Jesus Were a Parent...if you're looking for something new and fresh and powerful!

I want to take a few posts during this pause to catch you up on where Haiti is at now after such a tumultuous six months, to talk about some of the people who inspire us continually, some devotional thoughts coming from these precious kids around us, some of the lessons of hospitality we've learned along the way and will always incorporate in our lives (with some recipes, too), how our family does scripture memorization and devotions, and some of the good writing Matt's been cranking out lately.

Before all that, let me take a second to THANK YOU for praying us through October, November and December.  We've never been through anything like that season for Haiti, and I am so thankful for His powerful help and perseverance and faithfulness during that time, and for YOUR PRAYERS. I know you were praying for us, praying for Haiti, and it was/is so needed.  Having this extra godly counsel and being on the other side of the 'valley of the shadow of death' has us realizing all anew how KEY your prayers were and how PRESENT He was and is. Thank you!  

No matter what situations we and our precious family found ourselves in, we can look back and see right there, in the middle, He was.  Praise the Lord.

This might be a weird few weeks of too still and too quiet for the Ayars, but He's in the middle, He's in the middle.  Love you and thank you for your support and prayers, always!!