the burden

It's easy when you're so consistently surrounded, for so long, to no longer really see the poor.

In some ways, this is as it should be. Instead of seeing the overwhelming poverty--like wide-eyed visitors as we drive them home from the airport--we see the people, and always even recognize a few. Instead of first seeing the constant need for help, the work He's called us to has us always focusing on seeing the need for HIM.

But my Bible readings lately have me praying for the Lord to keep me fresh, tender and vigilant about helping the the poor and the orphan and the widow, just as He's asked us to.

When I try to answer Who? it feels like EVERYONE.  My answer to How? feels impossible.

So I've been praying that He'll show me clearly just who He's putting on my path to help. I've been reminded that if I am sensitive and open to His leading, I don't need to go searching...He will open my eyes, He will send people to Him in me. He will put people within His arms reach through Stacey, clearly.

So in a way, I wasn't surprised when one of our students texted me this weekend (the cafeteria is closed on weekends and the few students who stay on campus for the weekend are responsible for their own meals).

"Ms. Stacey, I'm hungry. Do you have any food maybe I could eat?"

I smiled as my heart pinched...not often are we able to be aware of the hungry in our lives so clearly, nor able to address it so immediately and personally.

"NEVER be hungry while you are near my house," I texted back right away, warming up leftovers. "And tell the others. If there is ever no food and you have no means to get some, please come to my house."

I remembered my prayer again when several young men showed up at breakfast time Sunday morning, joining the CHAOS of our getting-everyone-ready-for-church routine (without Matt), and while my smile was thin when I dropped Ben's socks to fry a few more eggs, it widened when Lily quickly set the table for three more, without me asking, and plopped down to chatter with her buddies.  Isn't this exactly what I want to teach and model with her?

However, yesterday's answer to prayer I almost missed...Don't miss it, when He answers our prayers in ways we weren't really hoping for!!

The kids and I had spent a few hours yesterday afternoon down the road at Shelley's, a needed get-away while Dad's gone, and as we pulled in--my mind already in a rush to attack dinner for all our visitors in just 90 minutes--there were two young ladies hiding behind the van from the dogs, waiting for us.

As the kids headed for the house, flip flops and water bottles falling from the open car door, I headed over to the girls, shaking in fear of our friendly-but-fierce looking German Shepherd sniffing at their skirts.

One I quickly recognized as a buddy of Lily's from school, and the other girl as her older, and rather sour, sister I frequently see in the village and in church but don't really know.  She has definitely never approached me, and barely responds when I greet her.

"Hey, ladies! What's up?" I asked.  We chatted for a while about how the dogs won't eat them, about their family, about school, me trying to get at what they needed so I could get to dinner. The Lord graciously brought to my attention that the older girl was visibly trembling, uncharacteristically smiling wide but staring at the ground.

Finally, she got around to telling me that while her high school has been in session for two weeks now, she has "been sitting at home", the cultural save-face expression for "lack of funds."

We chatted a bit longer, I told her I would check with Pastor Matt and see what we could do, and we set up another meet-up a few days from now.

As they fled for safety as quickly as they could without running, I told myself (and the Lord was listening) that I wasn't overly inclined to help this family.  We've provided work for the mother for several years and it's never gone very well, she should be saving to send her own daughter to school, this young woman has always had such a sullen attitude, we are already helping so many friends get and keep their kids in schools...

But, I promise you as soon as I finished my begrudging, heading to the kitchen to start making chicken and vegetables and cheddar biscuits and ice cream, that still small voice I've been BEGGING for to be loud and clear, spoke.

Did you ask Me, dear one, to send you the poor? The orphan? The widow? Clearly in your path, like between the car and your house? Or I am mistaken?

crickets.

Do YOU know her circumstances and what is needed and how I want to bring her to myself better than I?

more crickets.

Do you trust me?


As I shared my prayer and response and repentance last night with the girls as our bedtime devotional on being READY and willing to DO what He says, I realized that I'm at a place in my life where I'd far rather just trust Him.

I'd FAR rather trust Him than figure it out myself. I'd FAR rather HE be in control than control the situation, though I sometimes have to pry myself off the steering wheel. I'd far rather follow His leading than get in front.  

Not only would I rather, but I feel utterly, completely, and downright incapable of working poverty in Haiti out on my own. Of working plans for our lives out on my own. Of planning for the future of Emmaus or our students or our children or even the dog on our own. Of deciding who needs what and when and how on my own. Of figuring out when helping hurts and when helping helps, and when helping is enabling, and when helping is empowering...Of figuring out if I can afford to be used by God by my own calculations.

I am utterly incapable of being God. 

And I have NO desire to be so.

I'd far rather trust Him--EVEN if perhaps the person before me was NOT sent by Him--I'd far rather err on the side of trusting Him and doing what He has said, to 'be kind to the poor,' than to determine for myself if they are really poor enough or poor in the right way or poor with the right attitude, or if they truly deserve the help, or if they genuinely merit the favor.

He can figure all that out.

He can figure out and place before me what I'm going to feed who in this ongoing ministry of interruptions. He can figure how to take care of our family, and He can figure out how to take care of other families.  He can figure out what is best for whom, here and there and everywhere, and He can send them to my path, or someone elses, or do what He pleases.

You know what I have to figure out?

If I'm going to obey.

That's it.

Crickets.

Being God is a terribly heavy burden I have often tried to shoulder from Him.

Being God is a heavy burden.

But His burden on His children IS light.


If His burden sure doesn't FEEL light, is it possible we're bearing the burden of BEING God instead of simply OBEYING Him?

Praise the Lord today for a God who prompts prayer, and then listens and answers, too.
Praise the Lord today for a God who sees and knows and sends and helps and cares.
Praise the Lord today for a God who IS in control, a God who can be trusted.

Who is He putting on your path today?

Just obey.