what we need

I have been waiting all day to process this post.

And as I have been waiting, more significant layers have been painted on, and here I am at the end of it, looking a little haggard (maybe more than a little) and yet fully aware that He gives me what I need.

Today was a really bad day for Haiti.

Tomorrow, Matt is going to South Korea.

Yep. 

When I woke up this morning, the country that has been relatively calm the past three days was not.  And I needed peace.  Peace peace.  Matt cannot go to South Korea right now.  Never mind the commitment made two YEARS ago for him to preach at a conference there with our Korean brothers and sisters. Never mind the clear open doors and all the prayer that led to that commitment.

Never mind that our good friend and board member from Kansas literally called Matt on Tuesday, just to see how he was doing, and they discovered while chatting that they are BOTH going to be in Seoul the exact same four days, and are going to have an entire day together. In South Korea. From Haiti and Kansas. On the same days.

Still. I needed MORE peace.

Like, TODAY.  How in the world was I going to get that?

I made chocolate chip pancakes for the girls (thank you, Mrs. Ovalhead...after weeks of the mail plane being unable to bring mail, we have chocolate chips!) and saw Matt off to work and had Ben stacking bars of soap at my feet and I started getting ready for the day. As I did, I randomly decided to listen to my long-sitting voxer messages, spending a few minutes catching up on my dear Atlanta friend.

I know you mentioned Matt going to South Korea in your prayer update, she said slowly, and I know this sounds crazy, but, when I was reading that part of your email, a total sense of the presence of the Lord came over me, in a strong way. I don't even really know what that means, but one thing I do know about the church in South Korea, I understand that they are a very strong, missions minded kind of church, and a praying nation. I hear that the church there is really faithful in prayer. I just wonder if connecting with the church there and asking for intercession for Haiti might be exactly what needs done. I'm just praying that you both would have a sense of deep peace and strength and empowerment and that there will be some major important interceding for Haiti....for the school and your neighborhood, for your family....


As she went on, catching me up on her life, I stopped her message and listened again.

She's never said anything like this before.  I rarely rarely check my voxer messages.

It's insane that the Lord would give HER, in Atlanta, through a prayer email, MY peace...and then would urge her to give it to me.  This morning.

I have what I need, my peace.

As classes progressed this morning, everyone's phones started lighting up. Roadblocks into town. Burning tires at the crossroads. Burning trees over the bridge. We stopped everything and let everyone decide what to do.  Many staff members and students headed home immediately. Fanfan had to get through four barricades just between us and his home town. Many others decided to stay, and we have a record number of people here this weekend.

I prepared for class on Monday, with hope. I shot a short prayer interview with Lucner and Matt and turned it into a quick video. And I got an email from Leme.

Shhhhhhh....It is someone's birthday! Everyone come to the staff lounge at 1:15 for a surprise party.

It's not the time for Matt to go to South Korea, and it is not the time for a birthday party.

But God knew all that two years ago. And it is Matt's birthday, anyway.

When I headed upstairs at 1:15, I got all choked up. There were fresh flowers on the lace tablecloth, and fruit champagne and glasses and a personalized beautiful cake, and true to culture, chairs and tables and a program and music and speeches and toasts and singing of hymns and lots of laughter and some words that I will never ever forget....a few key things that spoke directly to doubts and hurts and frustrations and conflicts I've had deep.  The Lord was absolutely in that.

It was exactly what I needed, what we all needed, laughing so hard we were in tears. I am so thankful for these men and women, brothers and sisters, in our lives. Everyone prayed together and headed out the gate...realigning the weight of just trying to get home.  In your own country. To your own family.

I ran home from that and started cooking birthday dinner for 17.  Our good friends are FINALLY back from their dengue-cation (if you've never had one of those, it's not really the kind you want) and we've been dying to see them, and Shelley made the pumpkin pies for Matt's longstanding bday tradition, and I was making dinner.  Matt wanted Indian, so with my youngest two helpers, we made tons of buttery garlic naan and a ridiculous amount of coconut chicken curry and were setting the table when Shel called.

Smoldering tires and an empty road were now men rolling huge logs over the broken glass into the road, and they were pushed back and ushered home.

Tomorrow, Matt is going half-way around the world, and tonight our friends couldn't physically come two miles to his birthday dinner.

For the first time ever, there was no pumpkin pie for Matt.

But do you know what?

We went and found Jodenel and Esther and they LOVED their first curry and naan, and we were all laughing so hard as Matt made fun of Julie's mushy rice that soon we were all in tears.

There was no pie...but today there was cake. There were no Hari's (though we did Facetime!), but there were the Edlers and the Ambrases. There was no school, but there was Nikki and homeschool. And Matt will be gone, preaching and teaching and kindling on the South Korean church to TAKE COURAGE and to PRAY, and He Will Give Us Here What We Need.

He gives us what we need, and He uses His children. He gives them what they need, and He uses us.

And it always ends up being more of Himself, and we all need that more than anything.

If we are in a season of clinging to the Lord of Heaven's Armies, of one-hour-at-a-time-with-Jesus, of fasting and praying and lifting our eyes, of complete dependency on Him, of devouring His Word only to be hungry for it again, of bending the knees to help one another, if we are in a season where every other word we utter is a prayer, all day, every day, I just cannot, I will not complain. 

Because however ugly and painful and dark the world, THESE THINGS are precious gifts. 

I PRAY that the church in Haiti will emerge from these ashes made STRONG by them.  

I pray that the global church will emerge from all this broken world made STRONG by the gifts of His presence...what we need...and the struggles that drive us hard to Him.

Thank you for your many prayers.

Press on.  We are praising the Lord for YOU and pray for the daily stretching in your own lives...that we might, somehow, bring Him glory in the middle.