Pages

05 July 2019

plow on

Most days, most days I'm full of energy and sunshine and a grateful heart.  Most days I'm rich and thankful and full and grounded.  And I will be.  But today I just woke up sad and heavy and I'm going to bed sad, too.

When He said follow me and don't look back, did the new disciples have a skip in their step? When Abram left, or Moses, or Esther or the prophets or Paul, was it hard? When He said, hands to the plow and let the dead bury the dead, did the farmer plod on with a heavy heart? When He ascended, leaving His friends and His brothers, were there tears in His eyes? 

I don't know. 
I know without a shadow of a doubt that He's asking us, now, thirteen years again still, to be His hands and feet in Haiti. I know He's asking us to be of good courage, to persevere, to come alongside, to train and equip. We know God's got us in Haiti, at Emmaus, for such a time as this.  

We have confidence in His calling and peace in His presence and we're utterly committed to being who He wants us to be where He wants us to be.  Wherever, whatever that is.  

But as our two days with Martin and Sharon quickly ended, I was so sad I couldn't sleep.  November is so far away. 

As I kissed the sweet cheeks of my nieces this evening, Evie crying out loud as we walked to the car, I'm crying, too, and a YEAR is no short season. A year from these little girls is so painful.

As we pack up what's been our home the past 3 weeks and say goodbyes to the many Buckners tomorrow, I hate them. I hate goodbyes.

Matt gets quiet and keeps us pushing ahead, Lily gets grouchy and removed. Sofie looks for the next best thing, and Nora doesn't understand why we can't just see them next week, at our house, and over a month still not in his bed, Ben doesn't sleep well.  

I'm all in, I've calloused hands, I'm deep in the dirt and focused on Him. I'm grateful for what's been and rich with what He's given. I'm trusting Him for them and I'm trusting Him for me.

but I'm sighing sad tonight, and there's nothing to do but plow on.








1 comment: