I'll leave you with big life lesson one, and get into the beautiful peace and clarity I found in church this morning...a very different church than I normally worship in...tomorrow.
I fight it for all I'm worth, but I've shared this before, my great temptation is worry.
And when I've got the girls under my wings and in my community the majority of the time, I start to fall into the lie that perhaps I am the one protecting them. Perhaps I am the one providing for them. Perhaps I am the one through whom their happiness and stability and growth and health is found.
So to leave two of them (one of them for the first time ever) and to travel quite far away to a different country is a good reminder that I. Am. Not.
AND a good reminder that worry is my big temptation and that I must be strong and courageous.
The night before I left, KNOWING that we would only be gone four days, I could not sleep for anything. Temptations I am quick to invite Him into and strong to fight against during the day often overwhelm my tired self at night, and all the things that COULD happen started to drift into my weary mind.
What if one of them needed me? What if Matt couldn't do it? What if Lily or Nora was sad? What if someone got hurt? What if this traumatized them for the rest of their lives, that Mommy left them, or that they needed Mommy, and Mommy wasn't there? What if there was an accident, or if something happened to Sofie or I, or if I would simply never see them again?
Yes, worry gets me that nuts at night. I'm literally kissing my children good-bye for the rest of their lives with worry.
Does anybody out there get me?
Maybe it's just me.
But the mommy guilt thing is no joke, and as the worry and guilt thing get swirling, we quickly find ourselves a part of a very shaken kingdom, in the hands of a not-so-mighty god, relying on our own strength....all. wrong.
I pulled myself together, I invited Him in over and over, and the next day we headed out. As we sat waiting at the airport, I pulled out My Utmost and His Word and went looking for a strong Word to plant me firm once again, to sustain my courage once more.
Didn't have to look far.
Literal reading for the day: "Do not worry about your life." --Matthew 6:25
Listen to this, fellow-tempted-to-worry-ers.
"Warning: We are never free from the waves of the invasion of worry. If the frontline of attack is not about clothes and food, it may be about money or lack of money. It may be about friends or lack of friends. Or it may be about difficult circumstances. (It may be our children, or lack of children, or spouses, or lack of spouses, or our world today.)
It will be one steady invasion, and these things will come in like a flood, unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up the banner against it.
'I say to you, do not worry about your life...' Our Lord says to be careful about only ONE THING - Our relationship to Him.
But our common sense shouts loudly and says, “That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.” Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first.
What quick and strong and steadying conviction.
The primary concern of our lives, always, must be our walk with our God. Him. Our audience of one. The One we are accountable to. The One we do and will answer to. The One in whom our strength and life and breath and purpose lies.
What a value to instill in our children. What a value to hold onto when the day is done. What a value to hold up against the worries that threaten...simply to obey His Word, and refuse to worry...not because of the world, not because of our guaranteed safety, not because of any false sense of security we have...but because of who He is.
And because we trust Him.
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