And yet as I have worried...about making ends meet, about meeting lots of needs around us, about getting and maintaining enough support, the Lord has subtly and continually been challenging me to trust that HE will provide all that we need, and that He is more than enough.
He's been challenging me to try Him out with our needs. To put them all on Him. To just try to overwhelm Him. To just taste and see that He is good and enough.
Unrelated, two weeks ago, I was on my way to the office and couldn't find ONE stinking thing of lip gloss, chapstick, lipstick, NOTHING.
This has something to do with the fact that I absolutely cannot BEAR to spend money on myself, and lip gloss is something only mommy uses...and also something to do with the fact that only mommy does NOT use her lip gloss. Two other girlies are constantly using mommy's everything and so of course, none was to be found.
But the tiny fraction of woman (despite three kids, despite insane heat and humidity, despite beaucoup sleep lackness) left in me WANTED to put some pink on my pasty lips.
Frustrated, I quickly got on Amazon, found the cheapest thing of tinted lip gloss I could find in a dusty rose color, and put it in the cart. Six-fifty.
Six-fifty, for lip gloss? Nope.
Back out of my cart.
Common. It's ok to take care of yourself. You need it!
Back in the cart.
You don't NEED lip gloss.
Back out of the cart.
(welcome, by the way world, to Stacey)
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
Strangely, in this frantic shallow moment of lip gloss debate, I felt the Holy Spirit interrupt in me settle down.
He is more than enough. He cares for my needs. He knows and loves me and is enough.
That strong word about who HE is took my mind off lip-gloss entirely and settled me firmly in Him as I ran out the door to class, closing out the browser all together and satisfied in He that is GOOD. He knows my heart and He's got me covered. Pasty lips and all.
Fast forward to this Thursday. A missionary plane brings mail in about once a week, and today came little "2016" tassel things for graduation, those silver suits the students ordered weeks ago and have been asking "have they come yet" EVERY single day since, and a surprise box from my cherished friend Ana.
You know, I have never even met Ana, but once every few months, this fabulous woman who has some kind of unreasonable unmerited heart for me sends us a box.
I always call them "Ana Grace" boxes because her taking the time and energy and money and thinking of me and making them happen is just such a grace and bright spot in my life. Even better than the contents are her thoughts scrawled on post-it notes and taped to every single thing...always making me laugh out loud or blessing me by the thought behind them as I read her notes and respond to them, out loud, by myself.
Like in this box when she sent a pack of "BabyRuth" bars in with a note saying, "Husbands Only" and I said, "Yeah right, I LOVE these Ana!" and hid them in the back of the freezer for my devotional time. Or, this one that made me crack up:
Through notes on random things, I have learned this woman, just as she's learned me through this blog, and sometimes I swear I can hear her voice saying her notes as I read them...and I don't even know what her voice sounds like.
It was a totally unexpected Ana Grace day, and as I started digging in finding special snacks for the girls and some pasta I could use for dinner, I came across a little rubber banded group of tubes with a note saying, "found these in my make-up bag".
A few pencils of eyeliner.
And a brand new tube of lip gloss. Dusty rose.
Yes, you are now realizing this entire post really IS just about lip gloss.
..but the point isn't.
He's been asking me to trust Him, and He's been asking me to give Him all I need. He's been asking me not to lay up at night, He's been asking me not to panic, He's been telling me that He knows and cares and IS.
And someone who never could have known my lip-gloss morning sent me the exact shade of way nicer lipgloss at the exact time that He reminded me to let it go.
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him.
The point then, isn't what color my lips are.
He reminded me Thursday that if He can dress the flowers, if He can feed the sparrows, if He can take care of my lipstick...then He can care for me.
He reminded me Thursday, through Ana and dusty rose that He's GOT this. If He's got my shade, He's got my kiddos, doesn't He. And our grocery bill. And our friends and family. And our support account. And our students. And our summer. And...and...and.
Is something concerning you today? He is more than able to do what concerns you today.
I'm not saying He's going to mail you a million dollars. He's still not our genie God.
But I am saying that you can give it to Him, and that He, with our very best at heart, can be TRUSTED.
Give it to Him, test Him out. Taste and see.
God can handle it.
How He's proved me, over and over.