A few nights ago, in the middle of the night, it all caught up to me.
All those little things. Those little concerns you don't even realize are bothering you too much--worries about money, worries about your kids, worries about work, worries for friends and family, sadnesses, losses, injuries--and suddenly in all hits you at the same time and you're lying in the dark in a panic.
I don't usually have any trouble falling back to sleep after being up with Nora, but this time, I was up with her at 3:30 and there was no falling back into sweet sleep.
It all felt horrifyingly heavy.
Have you been there?
I tried to pray. I tried to be rational. I tried to remind myself one day at a time. Tried the whole, it's going to be ok. It's going to be ok.
But it was not ok.
Dozens of what about's and what if's, and nooooooos filled the room, and somehow Matt and the baby and the girls managed to sleep. I felt so oppressed by concern for so many needs and unknowns and crippled with pain as I face a great loss. I felt so helpless to fix any of those needs and to control any of those circumstances.
I finally woke Matt up and he helped me through, but it wasn't until last night as I was reading through John before bed that I found some freedom.
Take courage / Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Take courage. It means that this is supposed to be hard. It means that unknowns are allowed to be difficult, that loss is allowed to be painful, that life is allowed to be a struggle, in Haiti, in anywhere. It means that courage is needed. It means that courage is possible. It means that courage is the Christ-following response.
Be of good cheer. It means that I can be encouraged. It means that there is hope. It means that a joyful heart in the midst of loss and concern and need is possible. It means that encouraged is the Christ-following response.
I have overcome the world. It means that He understands. It means He has experienced it, understood it, faced it, felt it. All at once. In the middle of the night. He gets it.
But not just that. Unlike me, He gets it, and does something about it. Already did something about it. He has faced it...and OVERCOME it. He has already overcome it.
My concern for needs to be met, for the future, for security, for safety, for my heart...He has more than conquered. He is more than victorious. He has met them, and overcome.
And my concerns don't just dwell in my little life, but with the news...with the global future...with broken broken brokenness everywhere.
So it's good news that He hasn't just overcome my life.
He has overcome the WORLD
I can sleep tonight. In a dry and weary land plagued by so much brokenness, I can sleep.
And I don't have to know what's on your heart and mind tonight to tell you that you can, too.
Take courage. Be encouraged.
God knows. He understands. And He has entirely overcome.
do we trust Him?