the search

As the days finally allow for some sweet silence, some calm, some hours for playgrounds and enjoying the little things, the past year and months and days are finally starting to catch up.

Man alive, it's been busy.  Man alive, has He been stretching and teaching, humbling and growing me.   Man alive, have I learned so much this past year, even this past week.  I'm so thankful, so thankful, that He is NEVER finished with us.  That He continues to speak, to forgive, to give grace, to give us opportunities to learn.  

Our dear friend passed away this week, just weeks after our dear friend, her husband.  I'm having a very hard time moving past "Impossible" and "Can't be" and accepting that this dear couple who has done SO MUCH to shape and teach and inspire and mentor our life in Haiti is GONE.  No more coffee, no more visits, no more "lessons."  

Don't even know what to say.  

Sofie turns three tomorrow, Matt has safely arrived in Nottingham and dad to Hawaii.  Time keeps on, and I can't believe my baby girl is doing so much "BY MYSELF!" and sweetness and orneriness.

I realized the other day how thankful I am that it is God who gives us our children, instead of letting us pick.

Anyone in their right mind would just pick a million Lily's.  Obedient. Low maintenance.  Loves to sleep.  Loves to please.  Easy peasy.

But man, if I had picked a second Lily--while I may have a few less wrinkles, a few more pounds and be a lot more rested--I would have missed out on SO MUCH.  Sticky, ornery, full-speed, full-on Sofie.  Stealing gum from Ethan's room by stuffing it in her underwear, picking back up all the rose petals during the ceremony at dad's wedding, giving all the guys at the beach her candy, a willingness to go home with ANY stranger ANY time, climbing, darting, and stripping every chance she gets.  Sofie.

So thankful for these two.  

Some thoughts on what He's been teaching me this year coming...as He's helping me process. 

Thankful for this chance to be a sister to my sister, for good time with my girls and brother-in-law, a little bit of time to go out in search of the best playground, the yummiest popsicle, the best taco.  A little bit of time to search Him.