God and America

Oh, yesterday I blew it as the missionary we all are.

When Sofie was born, I left the hospital with my doctor saying, "We'll see you in 6 weeks!"...and then returned to Haiti instead.

Next week So-So turns three, and I still haven't been back to the doctor.

You don't blame me, of course, because going to the doctor is not a fun event....until you live long stretches of time without any access to good medical care.  That reality made my long-overdue appointment yesterday seem like a luxurious spa-day.  I wasn't sick or dying, and yet, with insurance and good doctors abundant, I was able to be poked and prodded and cared for by a good doctor in a clean office.  With air conditioning.

What a gift.

My doctor is 8 months pregnant, and we chatted it up about her upcoming delivery, family excitement and pregnancy frustrations.  Then, she noted I hadn't been in for too long, and asked about my "international travel."

I told her the 2 sentence version of what Matt and I do in Haiti, to which she said, "Oh, that must be hard."

"Well, you know.  We've been there for a long time now, and have many dear friends and family, and it's really the only life our children know, and I'm just really thankful...."

It was here that this really weird cross-cultural-missionary-flag popped up in the back of my mind.

Wait, I'm in America!  Am I allowed to talk about God here?  Can I say God?  Aren't you not supposed to talk about God in schools?  What about at the store?  What about at the doctor?  Did I read on Facebook that "In God We Trust" is being taken off money?  Can you get fired?

"Yes," persisted the doctor, "But it must be very hard having everything be so different."

"Well, really the only thing that gets really hard is being so far from family, and being so far from medical care, you know, like when there is a cholera outbreak or this new chickungunya fever outbreak, and you know that if your kids get it, what are you going to do?  That's when it's hard."

I'm still spinning through a crazy-foreigner dialog in my mind...will she make me leave if I mention God?  Will she get weird?  How can I build a relationship with this lady so I can tell her through relationship about Him?  Should I invite her to dad's wedding?

"So, what do you DO?" she asked, panic on her face, likely picturing her own two girls at home.

HERE was my chance to give glory to God.  To speak of His sweet Faithfulness.  To share the joy of His calling.

And here was where I blew it.

Totally off guard (my fault!) and just days out of Haiti where everyone WOULD have already mentioned God 6 times in the conversation, even if they weren't believers, I blew it.

"Well, I just trust that they will be ok.  I trust.  I trust that as we work and live there, that we'll be taken care of, and we always have been" I stumbled vaguely...trying to mentally will her to get what I am saying.  or NOT saying.

As I headed out of there a few minutes later, my sound mind came back to me.

Stacey, it is NOT illegal to talk about God here!  And you are allowed to talk about God to your doctor!  To ANYONE you want.  And if you HAD just told her about God, there is a good chance that then SHE would be a believer, too, but just isn't allowed to initiate the conversation.  OR, that your testimony would have make her think about God in a whole new way.  OR maybe that you even could have TOLD her about God.  And EVEN IF IT IS ILLEGAL!

THIS IS WHY YOU ARE HERE!  What were you thinking?

I was thinking like a cross-cultural missionary: how can I share the Gospel in a way that is culturally relevant and culturally acceptable?  And suddenly, caught off guard, I didn't feel like I KNEW for this culture anymore.

Ah, so disappointed.

Ever been there?  Just not known the right way and not sure what to do and so you end up fumbling through NOTHING.  Give kindness, maybe, but not Jesus?  Give sweetness and love and maybe a generous tip or a kind word, but never tie that to HIS LOVE?  Never testify that it is NOT because you are a good person, but only because of HIM?

I'm no street preacher, but I'm also just passing through.  I don't have the luxury of a life in America with which I can regularly build relationships to then lead people to the Lord over time. I've got to take every opportunity I have to share an entirely different GOD...not just an entirely different me.

Even if it WERE illegal, and I'm sure nowadays, there are many times it feels like it IS.

I will NOT find myself trying to figure out how NOT to talk about God again.  

I am looking for my every chance, and I'm going to TAKE them.  

Take them with me.

Those stories, Lord willing, to come...