I've got friends.

There are two things I detest about being sick:  One, feeling so awful that it's hard to think about anything else.  Two, needing help.


I'm a missionary, but I'm also from the White family.  


That means that I am here to help.  And that I don't need any myself.  


I have been sick since Friday.  When I woke up this morning still feeling unbearably terrible, I was in tears with disappointment and frustration.  I still have little voice, my head is pounding, my throat still aches, I have a major sinus migraine and my nose is raw from constant blowing.  (oh yeah.  I'm beautiful these days.)


And as you probably know, Sofie isn't content and sleepy all day because I feel like I'd like to be hit by a truck.  Lily doesn't want to sit quietly in her room, looking at books.  They want, and need, Mommy: friend, healer, cook, cleaner, playmate, feeder, snuggler, chaser, reader, teacher, entertainer Mommy.  I've still had a lot of classes to teach.  Today was still payday to prepare.  Everybody's still gotta eat!


I headed to class at 7:30 grouchy, and by 9:30 I did something we White's never do: quit.  I just couldn't grade papers, sort payroll, meet with students and process invoices anymore.  But I also couldn't go home and get jumped on and spilled on and fussied.  


My head hurt so badly that I had to squint walking home, but I snuck around to the back door, hoping to make it to the bedroom without the girls seeing me.  Gertha and Micheline were supposed to work until 11, so I could lay down for a good hour without encroaching on them.


"MOMMY!" screamed Lily and Sofie started to cry the moment she saw me..."Ma-Ma!"


And you know what?  Gertha and Micheline helped me.  I didn't even ask them to.  They saw how much I was struggling, swooped the girls up and happily took them to the cafeteria to eat fried chicken and to ride on the food cart "tap-tap".  


I woke up feeling even more congested when they returned at 11:15.  I fed the baby and put her down, only to realize that my women's Bible study was at the door, to begin NOW.  


"Oh, my goodness," I apologized, trying to figure out how I could possibly lead.  


"What are you doing up?" Granny asked immediately, pushing past me into the house and pointing down the hall.  "Go to bed!"


"But I want to study..." I said weakly.  


"What?  Go to bed!" Jezula demanded.  "We'll do it on our own!"  She came right in, grabbed Bibles and hymnals off our bookshelf and headed for the porch.  


"Lily!" Gertha asked.  "Wanna watch Dora?"


I fell asleep to the sweet sound of friends singing praise on the porch and Lily responding happily to all of Dora's questions, the first time I remembered today how Great and Beautiful He is.  


My seven friends met without me (hip-hip-hooray for having a Bible study that is not dependent on me!), and Noel came and sat on the bed with me before leaving, putting her cool long hand on my head and praying for me.    


Micheline and Gertha fed Lily lunch and stayed an extra two hours until Matt came home to help with Sofia.


My head in a painful, stuffy fog, I didn't learn much today.  But I did realize that I have friends...real ones.  


And I realized that by being so helpful, helpful, helpful all the time and refusing to be helped or ask for help might just be keeping friends from getting to love me the way I am always getting to love them.


I wish it hadn't taken 5 days of feeling terrible to realize it.  I commit to allow love once I get better...and until then, too.


Let someone love you today!