a new endeavor INSIDE

About a month ago, a good friend sent me an article about Motherhood as a Mission Field, which spoke namely about the importance of the work of a mother if used by God, done for God.  It talked about our homes being "the headwaters of mission", and the eternal souls, our children, that are our mission field.

This article came just a few days after my not so fantastic attempt to keep up visiting members of the community while toting two little ones. Since then, I have had so many questions regarding what He has for ministry and I this year.

Physically, I canNOT carry both Lily and Sofia a mile from our house to share Jesus in someone's lakou (yard.)  I just can't.  I can no longer leave for the afternoon for hours to do this, carrying just Lily and a water bottle.

Emotionally, Lily can't handle being at the mercy of every passing child and stranger, and I can't help her when I'm caring for Sofie and trying to share the Gospel and trying to pray with for people.  I thought about having someone else watch the girls so I could go and do this, but they are already with Micheline or Gertha all morning, every day, so that I can work and teach at the Seminary.

I read through Acts, and I want to be like Paul.  I want to go out and preach the Gospel completely to every man, especially in Saccanville, where it continues to be SO dark despite this shining light in the middle.  I LOVE getting off the seminary campus, visiting witchdoctors with Belony, sitting in yards with families snapping beans, sharing times of prayer with people in desperate need.

Feeling incapable of ministering like this frequently right now feels so frustrating! But the Lord gently reminded me the other day that Paul did not have two babies clinging to his robe.  He wasn't battling with strangers not to breast-feed his infant while boldly proclaiming the mysteries of Christ.  Paul wasn't keeping a close eye on his toddler not falling into a cactus fence or being mobbed by children enamored with her skin color.

While I can, and should, always be in prayer about what He is calling me to do and what ministry and calling He is giving me, I don't need to pray about whether He's given me Lily and Sofia, or about whether He wants ministering to them to be one of my very top priorities.

Lily and Sofia are gifts from God given to me, and they are the greatest mission field I will ever have the privilege of living in and working on.

"SO, there you are Lord" I've prayed with my hands thrown up in the air many times this past month.  "WHAT do you want me to do?  Show me what you want me to do, and how."

At the same time, it seems that the Lord has been quietly allowing my attention to keep being drawn to the same thing a lot lately...major holiness issues among those who claim to be the body of Christ in Haiti.

Several pregnancies out of wedlock among staff and friends who walk in the church.  Manipulation and unkindness between members of Bible studies.  Theft and lying from presidents of churches.  Grumbling, complaining and arguing among those who claim to be brothers and sisters in Christ.  Many, and I mean MANY marriages that are split, and full of rage, lying, stealing, backstabbing and abuse among men and women we have lived with and served with for years now.

Darkness where there claims to be light.  Injury where there claims to be healing.  Stealing and lying where there claims to be trust.  Sin where there claims to be holiness.

For the last several years, I have been very excited and passionate about ministering to the darkness "outside the gates."  Lately, I am wondering if He's trying to tell me something about INSIDE.

There is a LOT happening that shouldn't be among those that I never really preached the Gospel to because I thought they already knew it.  There's a lot of deliberate darkness being dwelled in among those that I never really dwelt on ministerially because I thought they were alive in Christ already.

Men and women that have accepted Christ, who have claimed the cross, but have missed the whole purpose of life...not for happiness, not for health...but for holiness.

"God has only one intended destiny for mankind--holiness" says O. Chambers.

"His only goal is to produce holy people.  God is not some eternal blessing-machine for people to use, and He did NOT save us out of pity--He came to save us because He created us to be holy.  The Cross of Christ means that God can put me back into perfect one-ness with Himself through the death of Jesus."

"Never tolerate, because of sympathy for yourself or others, any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God."

This is the still-fuzzy plan starting to form out of what He's showing me, the necessity of where I am in life right now with two little ones, and the great need Haiti, even "Christian" Haiti, needs for true change, true Lordship, true holiness (Besides, why would "Voodoo" Haiti want to have anything to do with a God whose followers are just as angry, deceptive, miserable and divisive as as they?):  Deliberate community study of the Bible.  

Culturally: with women.

Specifically: the women of Emmaus Biblical Seminary (staff, kitchen, laundry and students), the women who help me in my house and with the other currently empty missionary houses, and the women in Saccanville who are leaders in its' two churches.

I may not be able to go far from home right now, but there is a missionfield that isn't but a step away.

I'd love to work through a study (with just the Bible, since we don't have any materials and we're working in Haitian Creole) that will focus in on being Godly women, Godly wives, Godly moms, Godly sisters, Godly influences...on being Holy in an unholy day and place...  In our home, once or twice a week while the girls are sleeping (hopefully).

Which is where you come in:
      1...any ideas?  any suggestions?  any resources that can help me do this?  help!  don't want to reinvent the wheel if there are already some great studies out there.
      2...any interest?  This season of school beginning is a great time to get something like a Bible study started...with co-workers, neighbors, family, friends, strangers, those "outside your gate" or maybe those "inside."  Would you spend a bit of time this week and ask the Lord if there is a mission-field at your doorstep that He is calling you to?

"The preaching of the gospel awakens an intense resentment because it is designed to reveal my unholiness.  But it also awakens an intense yearning and desire within me." O.C.

Please be praying with me as He leads and as I pray for wisdom and courage to share His offensive, intolerant, beautiful,  life-giving and life-transforming Gospel with those who already know Him...or maybe just think they do.