trusting Him to do what He does

Things that are making today a beautiful day: 

1- After 5 days without, the internet is finally up and running again!

2- I received a bag of Valentine's Day conversation heart candy yesterday from my aunt.  Oh yeah.

3- "Duncle Don" is a Machine.  He knocked out my "Hunnie Do" list within 2 hours of arrival, he's now knocking out tons of unfinished projects in the men's dorm, and he's preparing supplies and work for a team from Sharptown Church coming in April!  And chasing Lily around the house.

4- Everyone is enjoying the Easely's being here, especially Lily who is blissfully loving having 6 children to play with each day.  

5- Dodo and Bubba definitely make the list, while they do laundry, clean and cook for the Easley family, all tasks which in their absence, fall on Matt and I...A BIG job for such a busy time!  I retract all previous indirect blog statements that may or may NOT have been about them being old.  

6- Clear reminders of His faithfulness.  

It's that 6th blessing that truly changes life.  Everytime someone or a situation encourages me to "step out on faith" I think of that scene in Indiana Jones where he stands before a bottomless canyon.  About 15 feet away, he can see the doorway and the passage where he needs to go, but there is NOTHING between him and that doorway.  

However, his guide book tells him he must take a leap of faith.  His father's life is at stake (and his father happens to be heart-throb Sean Connery, so...yeah, this is important!) so closing his eyes, he steps off the cliff.  Two feet below him, he lands on a stone bridge so perfectly camouflaged that you couldn't see it until you were standing on it.  

Two weeks ago, something truly devastating hit our little family.  Trust was destroyed, an intimate relationship deeply bruised, and a lot of pain and uncertainty involved.  This, time and time again and every time, whether apparent or not, is what sin does.  It ruins all basis for relationship, causes separation, and hurts everyone involved, not just the person who choose the sin.

For these past two weeks, we have stewed, talked, prayed and pondered what our response to the situation needed to be, and how in the world we were going to live with whatever that response was.  On Friday afternoon, the Lord planted Lucner in my mind, and all weekend when I thought about the situation, I felt clearly that I needed to "talk to Lucner."  

So, Monday morning we shared the situation with him, and I knew based on our relationship, history and respect for Lucner as a Godly and wise man, and the clear way that I had been directed to him, that pretty much whatever he advised, we would probably follow. 

And he gave us good and Godly counsel.  And I knew it was good and Godly as I heard it.  But it was also heartbreaking counsel, and I was crying before he even finished, knowing that what we needed to do would be one of the hardest things I've done, and that it would leave us having some major needs with NO plans or even ideas on how to meet them.

So yesterday, for the sake of something worth it--His holiness, in a heap of tears--I stepped out of the doorway seeing no bridge below me.  It was so darn painful that I cried more yesterday than I have in months (I am also 29 weeks pregnant...might have something to do with it :).  And as soon as my foot left that ledge, I doubted.  

We had done the wrong thing.  What was I thinking?  How could something so painful for everyone be the right thing?  What in the WORLD were we going to do now?  How in the world were our needs going to be met?  

And you know what?  NOT because I had at all merited it, but just because He is Faithful, He was.  Almost immediately, He sent the perfect person at the right time with words of His perfect peace and assurance.  Almost immediately, He sent a solution, a GREAT solution, for our pressing needs.  And a few hours later, He sent an additional solution.

Though I was afraid and doubted, He helped us step out on faith nonetheless, and then blessed us immediately for it.  Met us, as promised.

When I say, "step out on faith", I'm talking not talking about faith that it would be ok.  ONLY talking about Faith in Him.  

I had faith (though my emotions didn't match it) that if He knows when every sparrow falls, He would take care of me, take care of my little ones.  If He clothes each flower, that He would care for the situation, and each person involved.  Though I saw no possible way that it could be ok.  

It has me wondering this morning...HOW MANY TIMES do I suffer the consequences of NOT having that faith?  How often have I, AM I, missing out on completely impossible to foresee-- yet PERFECT-- blessings, answers and parts of my life, because I was never willing to step out on HIS faithfulness?

Because I didn't TRULY trust Him?  Or because I only truly trust Him when I can clearly see in advance some possible things He could do about it?  

What a lesson I am learning (again/still) about He and I.  Do I trust Him with our lives or not?  Do I trust Him with Lily and Sofie, or not?  Do I trust Him with Emmaus?  With the students? With the staff?  With the future?  Is it all mine, or is it His?  And if it is His, do I trust Him to take care of it?

If trusting Him was comfortable, well, then it just wouldn't be following Christ.  It hasn't been comfortable yet, and I don't imagine it will be in the days ahead.  

Let me encourage you, and please keep encouraging me: whatever we are each facing, in our lives, in our jobs, or even just in our hearts -- trust Him with it completely taking whatever leap of faith in Him that we are avoiding...allowing Him to do what He does best, the impossible and the perfect.