Testimony Tuesday over here.
side note: that used to be my favorite thing in Haiti...roping in a staff or student for a good testimony every Tuesday. It's been a while!
This past 18 months has been the hardest season of our lives. We have experienced grief, anxiety, loss, heartache, uncertainty and stretching beyond what we would have thought we could endure. And yet, no question, this has been the BEST 18 months of our 19 year marriage.
I don't even know how that works.
But God.
We have not been trying to make it the best season for our marriage. Largely, we have just been trying to get. through. it. Put our hands to the plow and keep going. Glue our eyes on Jesus and ride the waves. We have NOT been powering through it...in fact, we have probably been at our weakest, often in survival mode.
But we have let each other break...Matt, with his mental/physical health battle, and me with grief. We have let each other be real and feel deeply and not hold it all together and not struggle the same. We have been transparent with one another and there for one another IN brokenness, and it really has been sacred, and had sacred results. Everytime I have had nothing left, there the Lord had Matt. When our hands have been empty, I have whispered countless prayers over Matt...Matt has repeated countless prayers over me.
We have not blamed the other, but been quick to forgive when needed, been quick to be united in recognizing the true enemy, and we have been consistent in the bottom line: I am with you, right here, and when He brings us through this, I will still be right here. By God's grace, we have fought the temptation to blame the person closest to us for pain and disappointments, and instead rediscovered a sweet friendship we haven't had for a LONG time.
Patterns long set have shifted. Ruts deep-worn have been abandoned for better ways. Conversations long-avoided have been healing and sweet. Hurts long paved-over have been addressed and redeemed, and much we long-settled for has been not enough anymore.
I point it all back to a bawling, begging, fully-abandoned prayer not long after dad died...
Lord, if we're gonna go through all this, here we are. Nothing held back. If we're gonna break, break us all the way down, and build us back Your way. If we're gonna go through these valleys, LORD, YOUR way, not ours. If you're taking us here, DO the work, Lord, do all the work you find to do.
I would not want to do this season again for anything in the whole world, not for a million dollars. But as we are moving from this valley, the Lord has been gentle and faithful to answer my prayers...and I'd marry Matt Ayars a million times over.
Don't give up.
This has been encouraging and timely. I recently finished a book about a missionary in Haiti who witnessed miracles time and time again—it really was remarkable to read about how God used him. After finishing the book, I was curious what he and his family were up to now—in some ways, I expected him to be at the “peak” of effectiveness in his ministry. Instead, I found a statement about how he had been unfaithful to his wife and dismissed from the ministry. They ended up divorcing and he remarried and is now selling tractors (nothing against selling tractors, and of course the Lord can redeem and use anything, but it feels like he threw away so much in the process…).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all that to say, I was really discouraged—how could he have heard God speak and been used by God in that way and seen miracles and still chosen to be unfaithful?!!! Is there hope to persevere in our marriages and faith journeys? Marriage seems like such a “little” thing and an ordinary, unexciting way to invest your time, but man, it matters! It’s part of the foundation of our witness, and we can’t take it lightly! I’m encouraged with the way you and Matt are investing in each other in this season of life…it’s SO crucial to every other area of your life and witness! -Mary Thomas
oh man, this is rich...thank you for sharing! I can honestly say I have always shrugged off the encouragement of others to invest in our marriage, feeling like it was not the most important work, nor something we had time for, often even thinking that that would be a selfish focus. But you are RIGHT....it is KEY to every other area of witness, and I have failed many times in our marriage mirroring the faithfulness and grace and beauty of CHRIST. Marriage IS such a little thing in our own minds and lives and cultures, but it is a VITAL and powerful vessel for His ways and His work in a broken world! I felt silly sharing and am grateful He has given us these stretching seasons to reprioritize His perspective... Thank you for sharing!
DeletePraise, praise, praise the Lord! 💙💙💙
ReplyDeletePraise God. This is an answered prayer. -RS
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