not careless of His favor

 Matt is safely in New Jersey for the next 10 days, and tomorrow our Sofie-girl turns 12.  We went back and forth a dozen times about joining Matt, but in the end, I thought the 18 hour drive and being away for so long might be too much for our school-year weary crew, and I was right. Matt is also very much so in need of a few days of quiet and rest after his big academic year, and he will find that better without us!

Nonetheless, I miss our Jersey family terribly, and it kills me not to be in Aunt Lori's kitchen, not to see nearby cousins, and not to worship with so many church families near and dear...Uncle Don and Aunt Brenda, Nikki, Amy and Patrick, the whole Heckman crew, Sharptown, Cornerstone, White Clay, Seeds of Greatness, on and on.  Sigh. 

In the end, 91 year-old Lady Jane shook her gracious head at me, and said, "Stacey, I think that's too much" and she shares her humble opinion so rarely and lives with such wisdom...I couldn't help but listen.

Sofie's small party at the stables with a few friends isn't 'till next week (Matt assured me a sleepover with six additional girls on top of our current six would be an event he wouldn't mind missing). 

I instead have been clinging fervently to the idea of LESS instead of the temptation of MORE this summer, and I have been thankful. There are still few quiet moments, but there are many less rushed ones, and space to go to the park after dinner or to help a friend.

In Sofie-dear the Lord planted a soft heart for children, the elderly, the outcast, the sick, the sad. She is always thinking of another's thoughts and coming alongside with genuine compassion and care, and I am SO thankful for this hilarious, incredibly unique, kind child. 

We remembered together tonight her tenth birthday trip with dad (for work) to Grandpa's (for play) and how sacred that birthday will always be. Remembered the night she was born, heavens, and the first four birthdays daddy missed to do his month long residential components for his doctorate degree. 

She wants to be a mommy when she grows up, and how well I can imagine she will fulfill that sacred calling!

12.

I know I keep saying it and I know. I know. But Sofie, Dad, Evie and Emma all shared Birthday June and Father's Day and our anniversary (which Matt will still be gone for) and man. I miss my dad. I don't even have anything important to tell him, but all the unimportant things are so overdue and overflowing and dripping uncaught. Somehow losing mom young just made him always seem extra invincible. So easily we went from Dad will always be there to not, and grand babies who cannot imagine my mom and now are out of memories with my dad. It's stupid hard and I wish.

...but I am not careless of Your favor, or regardless of Your glory; impress me deeply with a sense of Your omnipresence, that you are about my path, my ways, my lying down, my end.