morning of a funeral

 O God, I cannot see

how I will make it though this day.

The hours stretch before me

like a parched desert I must pass without water.

How I thirst for some relief from this grief,

and from the markers

and the rituals of grief

that must be endured this day.

Christ, be merciful to me.

I have already stumbled through 

these most recent hours, numb,

shocked, disbelieving,

moving as if in a dream,

as if half my mind

were running on autopilot

while the other half

had simply shut down.

Christ, uphold my broken heart.

I cannot face this alone, my king. I cannot.

I do not have the strength 

to shoulder the weight of my own shock,

and grief, and loss.

So carry me.

At the end of this day

let me look back and see

how your grace sustained me

through what I could not 

have endured on my won.

Prove your faithfulness to me

again and again in these hours.

O Spirit of God,

impart every strength I need. 

If ever there were a day

when I longed to feel you near--

to encounter the deep mystery

of your unwavering love

and your sheltering presence in some

inexplicable, tangible way, O Christ,

my Christ, it is today.