peaceful home

 Oh man. 

True to form, the Lord knew the timing.

We got home from court, got a good night's sleep, and contractions started throughout the very next day. At 5:30, we headed to small group, and I knew to take my bag. We had dinner with some of our very favorite people, started the study, and half-way through I was having contractions every four minutes. Our Foundry family prayed around us, the kiddos stayed playing with their friends, and Matt and I got to the hospital around 8, and Emmaline White Ayars was born at 9:02, right as the kids, Grammy and Hannah headed home from group! (I was glad I let go of my goal to stay until the end :) 

While I've been stuck on "Emma" from the very beginning, having no idea how much "complete and full" would grow and stretch me these last nine months, Matt quickly settled on "Emmaline", meaning peaceful home. Again--the joke growing on us the past several months, until the Lord drew my attention to a dirty, faded magnet I've held onto for 15 years in Haiti and here...Peace: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the middle of those things and still have peace in your heart.

We'd settled on "White" as her middle name from the start, my dad's cancer diagnosis coming at the same time as this surprise pregnancy, and wanting the name of my parents, who raised me to know His Peace full well, to be hers...Never expected for Dad to be 20 treatments into radiation on her birthday.

So, He held her off...He showed up and clearly led us in the situation of our bonus girls with His peace (how in the world did the accumulation of their four year journey conclude the day before Emma's birth?), and then He gave us Emma the very next day, a miracle, full well.

I'm still emotional over it, how He worked and showed up these days.

The joke one friend appropriately made was, "How does one family grow by three in 24 hours, and they're not triplets?  God."

And she is just right.

Also the Lord:

    -the three women who selflessly came alongside our children: Hannah, Beth and Hannah, loving on them, sleeping at our house, taking them to the pool, bringing dinner and breakfast, reading books, driving Matt's mom to the airport, ALL the things, above and beyond actions, all the patience and extra grace for kiddos coming through a tough week...I will forever be so grateful for those precious gifts

     -the small group that literally prayed me and loved me into the hospital, reminding me of Yves, the nightwatchman at Ben's birth, holding my ropes as I battled to bring Emma into the world. 

     -Matt, who reminded me night after night, concern after concern, even contraction after contraction that the LORD WAS in control and had this. Matt's confidence in the Lord leads my own, and I am so grateful.

     -a precious, healthy little girl who reminds us that He is the giver of GOOD gifts, even in the middle of pain.

     -men and women stopping by, praying, sending food, sending notes, texting, sending verses, sending money for food, checking in on us. I haven't thought about what I'm going to feed our "complete and full" family for days, nor will I for days more, and EVERY mom out there knows what a HUGE gift that is

     -showing up in painful things.  I have unexpectedly missed my mom so much this past few days that it aches.  I was with my dad and sister for Lily, Sofie and Nora's births and all those stretching days after,  and I had Sharon and Gertha for Ben's birth and the hard weeks following. They graciously and beautifully filled the big gap my mom left at times when I needed and wanted her badly, and without even thinking about it, I have felt her loss so deeply this time without my dad or sister or Sharon. Now, in a time with more need than ever before, none of them could be here, and it somehow makes it sting harder that she is not.  Not knowing me well and holding down the fort. Not passing sweet days with my children, nor here with and for me for these sweet and hard new baby days + six dear kiddos.  In the middle of so many graces, I hurt for something always-on-earth-broken, while I strive to love on two girls very much so struggling with something similar, worse. The Lord is here in this hurt, and He is here in this hurt for them, too. He will be, in the hurt any and all of these precious kiddos will experience, and He always WILL be. I am thankful for the continued proof that pain allows for.

Lots of pictures. 

I love you all and am SO THANKFUL for your prayers - they've reached the ears and heart of our Father this season and I AM GRATEFUL for your care of us in praying!