His vast strength

 This stretch of Matt being away has been far more, well, stretching than I had imagined.  

When he had to head to out preach when we were in Haiti, we were just home and he was not (and dear Gertha and Micheline came more, and dear neighbors had us over)!

But life in America, as everyone had warned and modeled, has a LOT more plates to spin.  It IS wearing me down getting everyone out the door for Lily and Sofie's day camp, lunches packed, littles dressed and ready, doing all the drop off and pick-ups, caring for the little two who are far more needy than I realize because Sofie and Lily are usually helping with the little things (like opening the jar of play dough...reading the book while mommy folds laundry) and then more pick ups and scatterings of the normal weekly small groups, church meetings, church, neighbors, friends, and today we added a guinea pig and lizard of some sort to the mix for pet-sitting.

The big play is this weekend, and frankly, I'm not sure how I'm going to do three shows with two girls who really want their family there and Ben, who is NOT going to make it through three shows... rehearsals, costumes, littles and bigs, all the chores and meals between.

Moreso, however, I've been surprised how needy I have been for extra strength and patience and grace from the Lord. A broken dish, a very spilled slushy, paint on clothes, half eaten peaches left places they shouldn't be, normal 3 and 5 year old whining mixed in, arguments, mess, tumbles, all the little three-year old tantrums mixed in (the last month Ben has found his strong desire to DO IT MYSELF...and yet is still not capable of doing some things...and very unwilling to receive help. It's given us some fun getting dressed / making chocolate milk and biking experiences...and a really fun hour when the granola bar BROKE.)

Momma of much patience who can most often rely on her own strength has been ready to lose her mind several times, especially when daddy's not home at 6 to join the team.

I'm sharing all of this because (you should come? YES, but also...) it's been good. My own strength has been no where near enough, and needing His extra help is a humbling and...and good for me. 

I started memorizing Ephesians 6 this past weekend (not knowing what a battle this week would be proving to be), and how many times this week has the kickoff, "Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by his vast strength" filled my mind.

How many times has it reminded me that I am NOT struggling against the clock, not struggling against imperfect children, not struggling against flesh and blood. How many times have I stopped my wailing mind with "Stand, then, with truth like about around you, with righteousness like armor on your chest. Put on the sandals of readiness which are the shoes of peace."

Simply, I am realizing this week that being faithful and loving, not just in our actions but in our minds and hearts, oftentimes simply takes GRIT. Choosing it. Enduring. Persevering. Standing firm. 

It's taken asking for forgiveness and trying again. 

It's taken a lot of time outs and snuggles after. It's taken a lot of patience that's NOT coming from me, and a lot of grit to draw on who He is and what He's offering...what I NEED.

It's taken some late nights and early mornings and extra discipline. But more, it's taken more than one space of time set apart with Jesus each day...I'm running to my prayer chair instead of habiting it. 

How often we avoid situations that will instigate running and running to Jesus, weeks that our weaknesses will surely be exposed over our strengths. 

But running and running to Jesus is how it makes its way home: Be strengthened by the Lord and by His VAST strength. Put on the full armor of God so you can stand.