a season of storming

Our dear Sofie-Sof is in a season of storming.

She was born with a flair for the dramatic, and lately her new thing is exploding with emotion and storming to her room, but not before filling the hallway with passionate expressions like, "And EVERYBODY loves EVERYONE but me" or "Fine! I will NEVER hold Baby Ben again!" or "I never want you to hug me or kiss me or snuggle me EVER AGAIN!"

Not even five minutes later, she re-emerges from her room, kisses me, kisses everyone, apologizes, tries to make it right and moves RIGHT on.

Since she cannot possibly be rationed with during these Sofie-Storms, I wait, and to date she's always managed to get back under control on her own, and quite quickly.  She is no brooder, our Sofie, always living in the moment and exploding in a moment and moving on in a moment.

However.

It occurred to me the other night that during a time of calm, I should discuss with her how we could start working to stop the storm before it ever happens.

"Sof?" I mentioned after breakfast and devotions.  "I think today would be a good day to start working on your anger.  The Bible says that we should expect to be angry sometimes, but that in our anger, we should not sin...and when you get mad and yell hurtful things, you are not loving others well.  So today, when something happens that makes you feel angry, could we talk about a code word or some strategies we could work on to stop the anger before you storm off and regret what you've said?"

She thought about it for a moment as I started suggesting code words like "sunshine" or "daisies" and quickly interrupted me.

"Mom?" she said sincerely.  "How about instead of me working on my anger today, YOU work on not MAKING me angry today.  THAT is a better idea!  Much easier."

It caught me so off guard that neither Sharon or I could help laughing heartily.  And unfortunately, I haven't been very successful the past days of honoring Sofie's request :)

As I was thinking about it later in my current happy place (a cold-as-possible, quiet-as-possible, uninterrupted-as-possible quick shower), I realized how often I come to the Lord the same way.

Instead of working on my patience, I would rather the Lord pave over situations that grow it. Instead of focusing on having faith, I'd rather the Lord remedy whatever need was watering and stretching it.  Instead of trusting the Lord, I'd rather Him make it easy not to have to...instead of loving others deeply, I'd rather Him make others easy to love...instead of intentionally praising the Lord in all situations with a grateful heart, I'd rather Him make all my situations easy to praise Him in.

I want Sharon to live in our home and love on my kids and be my dear friend forever every day.  And not leave tomorrow.  Gulp, stuff's about to get more real.
I want Matt to perfectly love and cherish and encourage me and be everything I think I need.
I want my kids to perfectly love and obey and listen and learn, the first time.
I want everyone I work with to be a blessing and to be thoughtful and to do good work.
I want everyone I meet on the street and in my days to be kind and loving and polite and wanting the Gospel and wanting to know Jesus.

I want everyone happy and healthy and heavenly, and then I don't have to _______________.

How many of my prayers, though never voiced so plainly as this, echo just these sentiments?

I want God to make everything happy, so I don't have to work on holy.

Because stomping down the hall often feels more satisfying.  Yelling out crazy emotion often feels better than digging deep.  Losing our tempers, our heads, our emotions, our self-control, being angry, being insulted, being indignant...it's always a lot easier than the working out the righteousness He came to give.

So today, reading through 1 Peter while Uncle Martin and Aunt Sharon took Lily and Sofie to town for some meetings and a farm tour, I'm recommitting to looking at what He wants to work on in ME...and working on it.  NOT asking Him to change my circumstances, for great are His plans for them, but to change ME.

"Be earnest and disciplined in your prayers,

and most important of all,

continue to show deep deep love for each other,

for love covers a multitude of sins.

Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or place to stay... 

...and do it all with the strength and energy that God supplies.

Then, everything you do will bring glory to God.

Trust your lives to the God who created you,

for He will never fail you."