And YES, we were appalled. And yes, Matt and I can't stop thinking about it...but not the way you'd think.
Other child said something painful. Immediately, Lily's hand flashed up and hit the child. I didn't hear or see it, but the moment she retracted, she burst into wailing agony.
I came running, because the only time I've ever heard Lily screaming-crying like that was when she was badly hurt. Lily was indeed wailing whole-heartedly (much to other child's shock), but didn't seem to be hurt.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" she kept screaming over-emotionally, and by the time I got to her she had collapsed in a miserable little heap.
Once they were finally able to talk, Lily said, "Mom, Mom, I saw my hand hitting her and I was so so sorry and I didn't want to hit her! I felt so upset!...I'm So SORRRRRRRYYYY!" More wailing, hiccuping and bawling.
There was no punishment that could have taught her more than what her Holy Spirit conscience was.
The three of us sat together for a long time, drying tears and talking. Talking about temptation. Talking about how God always gives us a way to resist it. Talked about "next time". Talked about forgiveness. Lily re-begged forgiveness, which was quickly granted. Begged for mine, which was tenderly and easily given as well.
"Please," she said to the other child. "Please play with me! I just want to be with you."
They ran off sniffing and hand-in-hand, and I thought many things.
I thought about her "over" reaction to her sin...and knew it pleased God, the Author of "over" reaction to sin. Except it's NOT.
I thought about her passionate tears and remorse over hurting her friend, and her entire neglect of blame or, "but, they...." and knew it pleased our holy God.
I thought of her strong desire to be forgiven, and to be restored to her friend...and knew it pleased God, too.
I thought of the many times I have hurt Him, and my often calloused and half-hearted response, or complete overlook.
Lily wasn't done thinking about it yet. At bedtime we always read a few chapters of the Bible to the girls, and when we were finished and the lights were out and I was giving them each a final kiss, Lily said, "Mom? I haven't said sorry to God yet. And Mom..." she started to cry yet again..."I just DON'T WANT to be separated!!!"
It took me a second to realize that she was referring to our lunch devotional time. Each day I ask them 4 or 5 questions, catechism style, about who God is, who we are in Him, and what He desires. This past week we had been talking about sin, and about the separation and death it brings. We've talked about Adam. We've talked about the cross, and what it does. How it saves.
"Then let's pray, Babe," I said, and man. Nothing in the world prepares your heart for the rush of emotions that come when your behold your dear ones pour out their child-hearts to our Father.
"God?" Lily reached out tearfully in the dark. "God, I did it. I was angry and You saw me. And I am SO SORRY, I am SO SORRY. Please, Please, I don't want to be separated with you. Please God, I forgive you!" she prayed, passionately mixing up her pronouns.
As soon as she finished and was wiping back tears again, I had the privilege of giving her the good news.
She had received forgiveness from her friend, and complete forgiveness from her God..."It's gone now, Lily!"
"GOOD-BYE!" she called out comically, lifting her arms in the air above her bed with a huge tearful grin.
As I laid in bed last night and again this morning, I marvel at the child-like faith He has ASKED us for. The child-like heart He loves and asks for in us.
The broken heart because of His broken heart that He desires us to have. Refusal to blame or hide or cover or downsize our lack of Holy before Him. The costly forgiveness He so desires us to plead for. The broken-heartedness He has over the gap our sin puts between us that He wants us to have, too. The JOY that He desires to give us in restoration. The freedom that comes from His forgiveness.
I feel re-challenged to take my sin--and His forgiveness--more seriously before Him. More like a child. HIS child.
Because watching it, yesterday, though a five year old, made me FEEL His great heartbreak...His great gift...and His great pleasure.
whoa! That's amazing. Definitely unlike my child punching (multiple times) another child today after church. It was more the blame game. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by catechism style? I went to catechism in the Lutheran church but I seem so clueless right now. I'm interested in what you're teaching your children.
I am working with 2 girls to your two boys :) But, I WAS really amazed by how she "got it" and was able to put together all the things we've been trying to hide in her heart.
DeleteDon't feel clueless...I'd never even heard of catechism-ing until a few years ago when Matt came back from working on his Masters under Dr. Matt Friedeman with Dr. & Mrs. Friedeman's book, "Discipleship in the Home". It's ALL about how to deliberately and continually disciple our children in Christ, and after spending a few evenings in the Friedeman home, Matt KNEW he wanted us to do what they were doing...
It seems like a lot for little ones at first, but we have been surprised at how much Lily (and Sofie) can memorize and learn from Scripture. In this book, he shares over 100 catechisms he has used with his six from ages 2-3 through 18. Basically, the first 10 minutes of mealtimes, they ask their kids 3-4 questions that the kids learn and memorize the answers to...sing a hymn...memorize some scripture, pray together and eat together. I pulled 50 of his questions that I thought appropriate for a 2 & 4 year old, and every day I ask them 3 or 4 questions, rotating every few weeks.
Example: How many gods are there? There is only one God. How many persons are there in the one God? Three--the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. What word best describes our God? He is holy. How old is God? He is eternal. Where is God? He is everywhere He wants to be. What can God do? He can do anything He wants to do....
It goes through God's character, Humanity Sin and Salvation, The Bible, the Beatitudes, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Final Days, John Wesley, and offers up portions of Scripture to memorize.
The book also spends a ton of time deliberately helping you lay out what hopes and dreams and prayers you have for your child as a Child of God, and breaks down those visions into DAILY practical ways to raise them up to become Godly men and women....doing the best that we can by the grace of God and the power of the HS to raise disciples.
Anyway, this is long, but I would REALLY recommend their book and loved that while I was able to adapt his discipleship program to fit the age of our kids, all of the very practical basics are IN there....keeping me from just "winging it" each day or just playing it by ear.
We can talk more if you're still interested or can't find it! Can't wait to hang out this summer!!
I have been behind on blog reading so just catching up and….goodness. this is just beautiful. I have little tears. I love that she was so sensitive to His Spirit. so amazing.
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