wrestled peace

**Disclaimer**we never, ever could have imagined that this most difficult post we would write "one day" would be coming in the middle of such global chaos and uncertainty. But the Lord has been so at work in His timing up until now, and HE knew, that all we know to do is to carry on faithful.  Thank you for taking the time to read this today, and press on faithfully...we are praying for you continually.

You know this past six months has brought many challenges to Haiti and her beloved people, with the fall just being totally controlled by political instability, fuel and food shortages, rapid inflation, desperation, and an increase in violence...most of which has continued, if not heightened.

Our family, Ayars and Emmaus, praise, praise the Lord for this challenging and fearful time...how powerfully it has and is stretching all our faith and courage. How mightily it has grown our team and relationships. How humbly and faithfully it taught us to pray without ceasing. How boldly He stretches us, and every fear and need we had, we lifted, continually, and He met us, He met us all.

With awe and godly pride, we saw our staff and faculty rise above with strength, ability and faith over and over again...and while we all struggled, we were also glowing, because our dear brothers and sisters would not be overcome, but fought...they are fighting still...and WELL.

What a gift, the difficulties that cause us to grow. What a gift, to fight together for His kingdom.

We were so busy fighting, in fact, that when Dr. John Oswalt, president of Wesley Biblical Seminary in Jackson, Mississippi, reached out to Matt the beginning of December, we didn't even dwell on his reason for writing.

Hadn't Matt seen that WBS was looking for a new president? Why hadn't he applied?

Yes, he had seen, but wasn't interested. He had more than enough on his plate...it is a busy and challenging day in Haiti and God's got us where He's got us.

Yes, but please, wouldn't Matt even consider it? He truly felt that Matt should just pray about it, for the Lord had brought Matt to his mind and heart many times.

Matt came to my office.

Stace, when I first heard of this job opening months ago, I told the Lord I wasn't interested, and I have too much going on...but to bring it to the table if he wanted me to consider it. It feels like He's bringing it to the table. Nothing is going to come of it, but Dr. O asked me to consider applying, so I think I should, and let the Lord close the door. I want to make sure I'm faithful to go through doors He might be opening.

No problem, I said, and turned right back to grading. Not two minutes later, Lucner knocked on my door, an envelope in his hand, asking me, as he does only once or twice a year, to mail it for him.

A few minutes after he left, I looked up from the test I was grading, and the envelope caught my eye from the corner of my desk.

It was a letter from Lucner to Wesley Biblical Seminary. Like, the WBS Matt and I had just finished talking about. From Lucner. Two minutes later.

OK, God, I said, amused. I will assume that you are also quite literally bringing this to MY table. So, do whatever You want, because I'm too emotionally beat and physically tired from these last several months of chaos to fight you.  

But.  We're not doing that.

Matt send off his application, and we moved right on, committing to taking four weeks in February and March to keep on healing from some truly traumatic months...to keep on refocusing, to rest in Him.

We totally forgot about it, and so we were equally surprised when Wesley notified Matt he was in their top five, and could Matt do an interview online? In a dirty t-shirt and raking his hands through his sweaty hair one night over Christmas break, Matt moved clothes off the bed, set up a video chat with the board of Wesley, and closed the door while I herded our precious, loud ones through bath and bedtime.

Lord, I counseled the Father, Matt is working on a lot of healing and needed rest, and an interview will NOT go well right now. He has none of his own strength, so for whatever reason You are leading us through this process, this will surely be the end of that road, just so you know.

It was made clear to me, again, that the Lord was The One opening doors when they called him back a few days later and asked him to please come to campus. Out of 21 great candidates, they asked the top two to come and meet everyone, interview more thoroughly, meet all the faculty and staff.

Committed to walking through doors the Lord seemed to keep opening against many odds, Matt went in January. He had a sacred few days, totally spending all the energy he was just finally starting to build up again, but excited and passionate about what he saw happening at Wesley.

Matt felt his spirit quickened by the great need America has to hear and see the radical message of holy love...the need for complete obedience, for undivided hearts, for courage and boldness. He was excited to see Wesley uniquely responding to the desperate need of the contemporary church today for taking the Bible and heart-holiness seriously. As Matt met students heading throughout the States and to the ends of the earth, all gathered physically and online at Wesley Biblical Seminary for training and equipping and filling, he came home excited and burdened.

Back in Haiti, and completely aside from all of Matt's process, I had seen on Facebook a "Discipleship in the Home" class being offered online, based on a book I'd read a few years ago and loved (I've told you about this.)

I had been craving some help with better discipleship in our home, and quickly signed up. The author teaches at WBS, and the very first day of class was the exact same day of Matt's interview (which we'd had no idea would ever be happening when I registered for the class.)

As I sat on the couch with Nikki that Tuesday night, tuning into my first lecture, the professor literally said on camera, "We've gotta finish this first class early, folks, because there is a presidential candidate here today, and I've got to go meet with him."

As I sat on the couch in Haiti taking my first class for better discipleship in my home based on a book I'd read years ago, the professor on my laptop screen was literally talking about my husband.

The Lord had our attention. As days turned into weeks turned into over a month, we laid out several fleeces to the Lord, praying simply and faithfully, and we continued to pour out all around us.

I trust you, Lord, I prayed a thousand times, I'm going to obey you.  BUT. You gotta make it clear. Being obedient in this way would require all, ALL the pieces of my heart. You HAVE to make it clear if this is the way you want us to walk in, if now is the time, if this is the place, if this is your path.

Thankfully, the other guy was perfect. Thankfully, Matt is way too young for such a job. Thankfully, Matt always said when God called us from Haiti, we were going to live someplace COLD with snow and seasons. Thankfully, we've always said that when we leave Haiti, we're going to take an "easy" job for a few years, no responsibility, no sacrifice, no struggle, jut to rest. Thankfully, I always said that when God called us from Haiti, we were going to live someplace CLOSE to the family we have missed all these years.

Thankfully, there were 100 reasons why the road would end there, and so with all of our own doors closed, it would be pretty impossible for God to open one...or for us to miss it if He did.

But man, my list of open doors and odd coincidences kept on growing.

We prayed and fasted and waited and carried on, at peace and passionate for Haiti, for Emmaus. We were told several time, "We're sorry, but the board and search committee are still fasting and praying and researching, and we'll let you know maybe next week."

Mid-February came, and we packed our bags and headed into our four week commitment of rest and counseling, assuming no door was a closed one.

Day one was a crazy day of travel, with three long flights, many many mechanical issues and delays, four kiddos, three bags, and Matt having a full-blown allergy attack. When we landed from the second flight, Matt still sneezing, we were incredibly late and pushing to get off the plane. Matt's phone lit up with several missed calls.

While we waited anxiously for the cabin door to open, and had quit waiting for the Wesley door to, the search committee chair asked Matt to please come lead Wesley Biblical Seminary. Right there on the plane with a sleeping baby in his arms and allergy tears still pouring down his face, on our way to four weeks of seeking and rest.

You can't make stuff like this up. 

Our minds reeling and bags and jackets and snack wrappers and four kids rushing out of the plane and up the bridge, I put the phone call and the craziness of the timing out of my mind, and we stopped at the board to double check our gate.

Right in front of us, the first gate coming off the plane, glared: "Jackson, Mississippi, boarding in 18 minutes."

I blinked and stopped in my tracks. After God had somehow opened so many doors and overcome so many obstacles, even prayer-answering clear enough for Stacey White Ayars, He gave me one more amusing marker, in lights.

And here we are.

With all the pieces of my heart in His hands, with my children in His hands, with my precious countries in His hands, with my husband in His hands, with all of me, all His, here we are...at a place where it feels like it would be downright disobedient NOT to take this next missionary assignment. 

Our prayers, our devotional time, our fleeces, our closest ones, our seeking...He has confirmed it again and again.

This is about Emmaus, Wesley, us, our desires, our loved ones, being HIS. It's about Him being there, always, and about His ability to clearly communicate His leading. He is a competent communicator of His will when our hearts are willing and ready to obey.

It's about Him seeing us, knowing us, loving us, and His good gifts, even when we're not so sure they are good.

It's about setting up rest and counseling months ago, and then having exactly that, exactly when we needed it, for reasons we had had no idea we would need it. We were able to step away and pray and fast and talk and think, and our counselor was able to help Matt and I, and the girls, to process this transition and to make a good plan for doing it WELL.

It's about being ready...being ready to go from the poorest country to the poorest state to do basically the exact same work, trusting that nothing is ever wasted...wondering what in the world He is doing, and then realizing we don't have to know.

It's about giving up, again, our desire to carry on at Emmaus, Matt's desire for cold, my desire to be near family, and to be in the middle of His leading on our lives in a totally foreign place that we neither know, understand, nor speak the language...and trusting Him.

Harder still, it's trusting that He continues to hold Haiti, hold Emmaus, continues to hold our precious family and friends here, continues to love and pursue and guide and provide, with us, without us, and trusting Him. It's trusting that our beloved ones have always been His and in HIS care, and that nothing is changing. It's about leaving something so precious, so sweet, so good, so hard...and trusting Him.

I'm sharing all this TMI story because I want you to know His great love, want you to know He can be trusted. I want to share with you a story of God communicating His heart, I want to share with you how we have seen Him...and be encouraged, encouraged and full of courage.

The end of May (depending on global circumstances), we will move from our little house in Haiti to, well, nowhere. We are traveling and speaking all of June and July, and would LOVE love to see you (schedule to come). End of July/early August we are moving into some house in Jackson and Matt will begin work and ministry at Wesley, doing pretty much exactly what he's done at Emmaus. WBS has partnered with Emmaus in the past, and with Matt at the helm, that partnership will surely blossom.

I will continue working as the marketing director for Emmaus, a job I LOVE and a work we believe in with our whole hearts, and will be making trips to Haiti each semester to continue collecting and sharing stories, testimonies, pictures, praises and prayers of Emmaus and our family here.

Matt and the Emmaus board are working on the details of Matt's continued involvement as we speak....the continued success of Emmaus for His Kingdom is of utmost importance to all of us. We are in no means "leaving" Emmaus...we're a part of this family and she is stuck with us and will be for many years to come.

If you are willing and able, keep coming alongside. Keep supporting Emmaus with us...God is at WORK and raising up mighty men and women of faith for His glory and for His work to continue. Our team, Emmaus, and Haiti need your help and prayers more than ever.

We humbly ask that you would keep supporting our family through OMS or through Emmaus, through this June/July transition, and please be prayerful about continuing to support us still, as that funding will support our continued work and future trips to Emmaus!

In 2007 when we moved to Haiti at 23 years old, we had no idea what God had in store...but He had made the path to such a huge unknown clear, "This is the way, walk in it." Isaiah 30:21. 

As He is just as clearly saying that to us again, man alive, it is with no less intimidation, with no more clarity about the future or with any less foreignness. 

Now we are 36, we have a lot of Haitian in our American family, and we are heading to a totally new part of a country we haven't lived in for 13 years, and that four of us have never lived in at all...without so much as a chair in our name to start out again with.

Please be praying with us. 

-Please be praying for our family through a hundred transitions, that we would bring Him glory not only with obedience, but with the process

-Please pray for our family in Haiti, as they step into greater responsibility and more stretching, as He who is in them is Able, as they carry on the work He has in front of them

-Please pray for open doors, peace and provision for packing, leaving, moving, travel, speaking, visiting family, visiting churches and loved ones, moving to Jackson, and doing things we have never done...buying a chair...buying a car, buying a house, moving our family, figuring out schools, ministry, church, all, in a new foreign place.

-Please keep praying for Haiti, and for our brothers and sisters in Christ to burn so brightly.

-Please be praying for our transition into the WBS family...more on the summer schedule, details, the work ahead...soon!  This is post one of many.

-Please pray for all of our hearts...all our hearts, all their pieces, all in His hand.  Just as our family sent us to Haiti with all their love and support and prayers and tears years ago, our Haiti family is sending us to Jackson...with love and support and prayers and tears.

THANK YOU. 

Thank thank, thank you for being our loved ones, our prayer warriors, our support vessels, our family His hands and feet to our family. Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for lifting us up. Thank you for loving our family, sacrificially. Thank you for giving and giving. Thank you for coming. For sending. For encouraging. For emailing. For holding our ropes. For being with us. The eternal impact His work in Haiti through us has had on our family and on countless men and women has been a direct result of your faithfulness and generosity and obedience. Your fish and your loaves in His hands have fed thousands, and will continue to. We can't even begin to thank you. 

The Lord has wrestled me through to peace on the knowledge that the precious family He has provided doesn't now stop...and that includes you. We need you, brothers and sisters, body of Christ, in all our lives...please don't stop being our family.

We aren't about to stop preaching the Word, living as missionaries, loving and discipling those around us, writing, or praising the Lord for YOU. Thank you.

There's a lot more to share, but we have time and will be. This week has been brutally hard. Email us any questions, staceyhaiti@gmail.com, and thank you for loving us well.

For the only cause that matters, with all our hearts...the Ayars

Faithful is He who calls you,

and He will also bring it to pass.

1 Thessalonians 5:24