Last night was Lily's last night of youth group, as that we head home to Haiti Wednesday. Matt waited and waited for her to come out, and when she didn't, he finally went in, only to find her in a puddle of tears.
She had had three weeks of 60 minute youth group to make 75 good friends...and it didn't quite happen like that.
As we talked in bed last night about expectations, reality, disappointments, and counting our blessings, she realized that what she had done was made one sweet friend...the one she was in the puddle with. And as we talked more about that friend, she brightened.
Didn't work out like she thought.
But something beautiful to hold onto.
I don't know where she gets her ridiculously high expectations from :)
This morning I had the privilege to join the CrossPoint women's weekly Bible study, and I was so encouraged to see over a hundred women from ages 20-100 studying the Word together with Jen Wilkin (so good). As I shared a bit about life in Haiti, and was able to thank them for all of the practical ways they have loved on our family of strangers, brought food, helped with counseling child care, given gift cards and reached out to us well, it was something else beautiful to hang on to. As we have loved on others, He loves on us, and I'm so grateful for all the grace.
We've had lots of beautiful things to hang onto these weeks. We have worked through things with Michael and found freedoms that could have taken us years to sort and find without him. We have made such precious memories with all four kids, and we've gotten to watch Frozen II an insane amount of times. I have eaten at least "some" ice cream every. single. day. We've been cold for three consecutive weeks, something that hasn't happened ever. We've had some sweet moments with brothers and sisters in Christ, we have learned more grace, and learned to be quicker to accept being loved on. No, there has been no dishwasher. But we were able to buy some paper plates :)
I realized this morning I have spent far more time praying for our brothers and sisters in Haiti from afar than I do when I am there...making me realize that sometimes I confuse their need for ME with their need for Christ. When I am with them, I am sure He is taking better care, but without me, I have been sure to remind Him to.
How humbling this realization of pride.
None of the Lord's faithfulness or watch care is at all depend upon me. None of His great love for His children in Haiti is at all affected by ANY strength or weakness of mine. None of HIS presence for Haiti is at all dependent upon MINE.
None of God's presence for Haiti, what she truly needs, is at all dependent upon mine.
Do we forget sometimes that He is what is truly needed, not X ? Not us. Not our plan. Not what we see as best.
Perhaps even more than rest and grace, I needed the reminder these weeks that all my confidence, all of my faith, all of what is needed--for my loved ones, for my countries, for His people--is in HIM.
It's ON Him.
It's IN Him.
It's through Him.
May He use us if He will.
But not because of us. Because of Him.
Heading home with a renewed "because of Him" mentality comes with such peace.
We can just be faithful. It's on Him.
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