the ayars affairs: 5 things you don't know about Matt

Well.

Matt was supposed to be home today. It's been such an incredibly hard time for him to be away right now, and four little ones and their mommy were uber ready for him to be home. But.

He got into Dallas from South Korea late late Saturday, had a 7 am flight to Miami today, and that 7 am flight sat and sat and sat with mechanical problems, waiting, fixing, something else, change planes, etc...He finally got to Miami at 3:30 and the one flight to Cap-Haitian was long gone. And no one flies to Cap-Haitian on Mondays.

So.

In honor of stretching upon stretching, I have decided to write a rare post about Matt.

1- Teasing is his love language. Have you ever seen the episode of The Office where everyone is about to lose their jobs, and Michael is adamantly trying to get everyone to play a murder mystery game to take their minds off? Two weeks ago in chapel, in the middle of worship, Matt was stealing all the fourth year students' phones off the bench right in front of us and planting them on the second year bench...and that episode was all I can think of.

Matt only teases people he thoroughly enjoys...and he will tease them always and forever. (So if he is always teasing you, be uplifted :) Our closest friends are those who love him even though they KNOW that he will always give them a hard time, and can dish it back out. Stacey, who cares so much about peoples feelings to a fault, is always worried about this, and I know I say, "Matthew Ayars!" thirteen times a day. Which he ignores.

After all these years, he has added to his repertoire the jokes and humor that are hilarious in this culture, and as unexpected as humor sometimes seems to be in incredibly stressful times and situations, he makes our staff and students, our friends and family, our children, and even his overly-proper wife crack up daily...which is often times what keeps us from cracking.

2- Matt is never, ever, ever afraid or stingy. I am not exaggerating here. I have NEVER seen or heard Matt afraid in any situation, nor have I ever seen him hold onto anything tightly. I do not mean that he is the first to go sky-diving or jump on a bull or anything like that, but it never occurs to him that maybe going out to talk to the guys throwing bottles and burning tires could be dangerous, or that if he actually helps every person who asks, we will have nothing, or that confronting a witchdoctor and his 8 foot boa could be scary.

He is genuinely so much more interested in addressing people and situations the right way, the righteous way, the loving way, that he is not concerned about what mere men could do to him. He is so genuinely happy that you enjoy his chocolate, or that he could help a man who needed it, or that we could send that kiddo to the hospital or give that person that job, that he doesn't even think about what any of that might mean for him.

Of course, this also sometimes drives me crazy. I don't want him to stand up to bad guys, or go scary places, or teach Bible study at night in the middle of insecurity. And I often have mini-panic attacks when he gives...and gives...and gives.

But I can't even begin to realize how much the Lord has grown me and changed my worrisome DNA through the totally unaware courage and totally uncalculating generosity of Matt.

3- He HATES, more than anything else: heat, the outdoors, bugs, being social, and chaos. I literally just heard his voice say AMEN. Matt's sweetest dreams include being inside, totally alone, in the snow. For eternity. He almost went to college in Colorado for the skiing, and makes us watch ridiculously long freezing Russia movies while he says of the frostbite: that looks SO good right now.

In case you haven't noticed, our current path is NOT the path Matt chose for his life. There is NONE of this that Matt is doing for the fun and glory and palm trees (which he hates). There isn't a day that he doesn't struggle with the heat, humidity, constant community and culture...and then comes home to four little kiddos :) I know what a great stretch so much of his life is...and it is in all that weakness that God is able and continually working powerfully through him. I love that Matt is more interested in what God's doing than that than he is in his comforts and air-conditioning (and he is VERY interested in air-conditioning.)

Of course, this sometimes drives me crazy (there is a theme coming out :) ) because as I roll down my window to take a picture of the sunset over the ocean next to our mountain for the millionth time, he teases me unending. And when I say, "Look at that...it's beautiful!" he says, "Yes, if you are into that kind of thing." And when I say, "Let's have 20 people over", he is already plotting his mysterious disappearance.

4- Matt's continual thorn is anxiety and depression. It's something he's always struggled with, and there are times when it's almost crippling. There are days when he falls asleep before the kids, and sleeps until 7 the next day and is still exhausted. There are days when all the heavy responsibilities feel impossible for him to let go of and truly rest. There are seasons when I just can't get in there, can't understand, can't seem to help, can't fix it, and sometimes that just breaks my heart.

I know he's prayed a million times in his life to be free from the burdens of anxiety and depression, but in his very very darkest hours, Matt has said the same thing over and over again, "Lord, I'm going to be faithful, anyway, even if it kills me, even if this is never changing."

I'm sharing this with you because Matt would, and also because we are living proof of people who WRESTLE, and GOD IS ABLE and in it, all the same. We are very imperfect people with dark days and moments and seasons and temptations and struggles, and God is working through us, all the same, working through you, all the same. Your continual thorn, my continual thorn--whatever that is--is still able to bring glory to Him when it's surrendered. Over and over and over. He can work through it. He can work around it. He can work ahead and behind it, and so we must not lose hope or be pinned down by that which persistently pinches.

We can trust Him. Trust Him on, and know you are NOT alone. God STILL (and perhaps even because of our thorns) is unaffected, and has PLANS. Keep remembering He has precious plans for you and your struggle...and struggle on IN HIM.

5- What Matt Ayars believes on the outside, what he lives and preaches, he believes and lives at home, too. Today, having finally arrived in Miami and having no flight to Cap until Tuesday and being 12 hours jet lagged, Matt rented a car (I silently stress about the cost) and drove 3 hours to his parents house (while I silently stress about him driving SO tired). On the way there, on a huge stretch of highway with no exits, he noticed a huge man all alone, walking (I silently stress about picking up strangers.) He hadn't passed any cars or businesses or anything for many miles, and urgently praying, stopped, talked to the man for a bit and then offered him a ride. After driving a long time and hearing parts of this man's very broken story, asking him about drugs and his family and his walk with God and things I never would have dared to bring up, Matt came to his exit, the man getting out to start walking again.

And Matt couldn't drive away. An uber arrangement and bill, and the last $40 Matt had in his wallet in now the man's wallet, Matt wouldn't let him go until he'd prayed with him.

Straight from South Korea, supposed to be in Haiti, in a rental car in Miami on the side of the highway with a totally broken and lost stranger, 12 hours jetlagged, Matt put his hand on his shoulder and started praying for him. The man immediately started crying, and then bawling, and Matt said even when he finished praying, the man was still crying uncontrollably.

He had a lot of needs, which Matt worked on. But as Matt mightily believes an intimate, transformed relationship with God to be the answer for men and women when he's being a missionary (just Matt) in Haiti...he also believes that when he's being just Matt (a missionary), making the best of a missed flight, in Miami.

I hate that my best friend isn't here tonight. It threatens, threatens to be a challenging week and we'd all had our hopes set on being together again today.

But whether God directed it so that Matt could pray with that man today, or whether God allowed it to be used for His glory, or whether God was just in it, as He always is, I am grateful to be continually stretched and growing and blessed in a marriage with an imperfect man who is fighting-to-be-faithful to His Father...with me, with you, with friends, with enemies, with students, with board members, with witchdoctors, with homeless men, with his fuzzy-headed look-alike sleeping next to me now.

All the places and times Matt overgives, God has NEVER not cared for us. All the places and times Matt is struggling, heavy, God has NEVER not carried us through. All the places and times Matt is sweating and miserable, God has never not finally given us His peace and joy. And Matt's always urging me to trust Him with him.