present God

I'm not going to lie: day one without Nikki was rough.  Lily, man.  She is cursed with her mother's sense of making a big deal out of everything, making goodbyes just so hard.  She spent the day rotating between crying and talking about the million things she's going to miss, "Nikki's stuff isn't on the couch!" "The light is off in Nikki's room," and "Nikki always brushed my hair!"  Goodbyes and missing people are just SUCH a part of life, but it's so hard to explain to kiddos (and to myself), and to help them mourn well and also keep on well.

I was also reminded acutely why we needed Nikki so much.  Trying to get in a few hours in the office, working through month end (!!!), a full day of homeschool, also a 3 year old and 8 month old, also someone was supposed to COOK today...yeah.  Lily and I were still doing fractions well into dinnertime (read: Lily was still reminding me how to multiply and divide fractions long into dinnertime) and there are still dishes in the sink tonight as I sit surrounded by English 4 notebooks, grading, grading, grading...something else Nikki did!

By the time all the bedtime "I miss Nikki" tears were being shed, I was praising the Lord for all the extra grace and patience He miraculously gave me today, and for all the precious friendships He's given us, here and there!  Charles Lake and Dean also headed out today, Edner Pierre-Pierre is back in for a few days, two master's courses are wrapping up tomorrow with Dr. Ray and Dr. Bryan, Phil and Emily head back to Jersey on Monday and Gail leaves with them, and it's just a life of goodbyes and missing!

Thankful He is always here. Always.  Thankful He is always there, always too. Thankful He's not failing the people we are failing with our absence. Thankful He's not failing the people we are failing even in our presence! Thankful He's not failing our children, not for one moment, even when we do. Thankful in it all, to us all, through it all, He is PRESENT.


Side note I've been meaning to mention.  The newspaper that Matt's been writing"The Saturday Sermon" column for since 2014 (and my grandfather for some 40 years before that) had some budget issues (that also directly coincided with problems printing a column in 2019 that weekly shared the Gospel) and has cut it.  We've had lots of people emailing asking about it, and so if you're one of the people wondering, yes, he's still writing it, and it's still being published in the Daily American out of PA and a few other papers...but you can always find his "Saturday Sermons" at MattAyars.com, too.  We praise the Lord for that ongoing opportunity to share the Gospel in the States each week to our God-knows-who!