the reward

I’m on one of three flights back home, after a whirlwind tour that my students in class Wednesday morning described as “you’re going to take a drink of the water and then you come back.”  It does feel about that fast!  

Thankfully, I got to do more than drink the water.  I successfully completed 1.4 pints of Ben and Jerry’s, so good. I got to eat some good food and got a night of good sleep.  

Far sweeter, I was really encouraged by friendship.

I was encouraged because a common lie I believe is that I’m alone or uncared for.

Often, He reminds me of His great love for me in little ways.  And other times He bombards me with it.  And sometimes He uses His people.

This 36 hours was one of those time, from dear friends texting and emailing on my way to the States that they were praying for my appointments, praying for my safety, praying for my family, praying for my speaking engagement…to friends texting and emailing throughout the day…reminding me again of their love and support and prayers.  From Elisa and Maria, driving 6 hours to hear me speak and to be with me, to the women I’ve met in Haiti over the years who came to show their love.  From women I’ve never met, who loved me yesterday like a sister and cried with me and prayed with me and held my hand, to a mom and daughter I’d never met getting gifts for the girls for me to take home, to Gemma in India, freely sharing her home, to Shannon, doing the same, eating breakfast with me, freely giving her entire day to sit with me at the doctor, at the hospital, share her life with me, so I wouldn’t be alone or anxious.  Bonnie, sending me home with gifts for the girls and baby.  Sharon and Anna, teaching Lily to sew and reading a million books to Nora helping Sofie through all her passionate emotions, cooking meals for Matt and taking care of visitors not their own, loving my girls like they need.

Busy people with full lives who don’t owe me a thing, who profit nothing from loving me in large and small ways, who loved me in sacrificial ways all the same.

It’s not easy to accept…gracious, sacrificial love from others, but what a VITAL acceptance in our walks with Him. 

Reality is, there are a lot of men and women and children out there who love the Lord, and are ready and anxious to love you, too, because of that love for Him.  I’m re-inspired to be that woman, re-thankful to know those women, want to remind you that you do, too…and are not alone, not as long as He is near, not as long as He works through His people.  

Sometimes we have to ask, and I’m so thankful to have been in a place where I had to, so that He could remind me He loves me freely, and that He is the beginning and the end, the one no one brought forth, and therefore the One no one, nothing can take out.

Unlike anyone, anything else, Our God is His own reward.  Seeking Him, we don’t always find the answers we wanted, the things we wanted, the experiences we wanted, the ways we wanted them. We don’t always get good results at the doctor’s office, we don’t always get our family, our children, following Him. We don’t always get the job or the bonus or the friend or the husband or the wife or the baby or the house or the support or the time.  Or, as I’m experiencing now, the flight I needed.  

But when we seek Him, you know what we DO. ALWAYS. GET?  Him. He’s promised it dozens of times, He is His own reward, when we seek Him we will find Him, and receive Him.

And He is the one, Acts 17 keeps reminding me, who has NO needs, whom I do not love well by meeting His needs, for I cannot, for he HAS none.  But He satisfies MY needs with HIMSELF.

I was running a bit on empty, with many many needs around me, yet way more than I needed a night to sleep or an amazing pint of ice cream or a good ultrasound or a connecting flight or good courage for speaking, I needed His un-meritted, sacrificial reminder of His love, and He gave it to me through so many of His children.  

So praise praise the Lord. I feel abundantly rich by the reward of receiving more of Him.  

I commit to holding onto that reward and continuing to pursue it and continuing to share it.  

And I know you want to know about sweet Ayars baby number four, but I’ve got to get back to my family first so they can know a bit more about this gift first…and a dented engine and two+ hour delay seems to be indicating that might be a day later and a night in the Charlotte airport more than planned.  

Thank you for all your prayers, dear ones!