As Matt moans and groans beside me, I can't help but smirk a little at how most of the grand plans I had for this Christmas have tanked. To finish off everything with school and then head right to the DR and then get home and be sick...I just never planned on being so tired, on us being sick, on the girls being so tired, on all of us being so worn out.
It was a whirl of a semester. We're all tired. And it's still Christmas...but we're weary elves, and no amount of pep talking and seasons cheer have seemed to motivate us to have crazy Christmas energy.
But you know what?
We HAVE been listening to and singing a lot of Christmas worship, and watching a lot of Christmas movies, and reading lots of Christmas stories (all the easy, non major messy/energy activities) and something that keeps striking me is the reality of Christmas.
All this Christmas we've made the last many years we've made.
But actual Christmas? When God thought of us, today, 2000 years ago?
There were NO decorations, there were no Christmas crafts, no parties, and Mary? She. Was. Tired. and sore. And overwhelmed.
And her worship that Christmas? It was kisses. It was sitting and pondering and kissing and praying.
No matter how tired or messy we may be today, I can do THAT. I can focus on Jesus, I can worship with my girls, kissing their heads and listening, I can dwell in a rather stinky place and ponder Him and pray.
You didn't get an Ayars Christmas card this year because for the first time ever I never managed to make a picture happen. Not even close. The girls and I have baked no cookies (NONE!) and I seriously started wrapping gifts TODAY from the cheap-o Dominican wrapping paper Matt finally found in a literal hole-in-the-wall store buried under a pile of junk. Which took 20 minutes to buy because the paper is 2 feet by 2 feet and was sold per sheet.
These realities threaten to keep me UP at night with sadness and feelings of guilt-mom...the worst Christmas EVER thanks to tired, sick Stacey.
But you know what?
It HASN'T been the worst Christmas ever. The girls have yet to ASK to bake cookies, you probably didn't notice we hadn't sent a Christmas card amongst the many who did, and the girls will never remember the "Feliz Navidad" wrapping paper. And we've had a lot of good time together.
And I'm just gonna keep replacing my bedtime woes with that image of Mary, the twinkling lights of only the stars, the many guests she didn't feed, the stables she didn't clean, that image of her we have in so many books and manger scenes...SITTING...resting, worshiping next to Jesus. I'm gonna hang there this Christmas and let Martha Steward have her own.
Whatever it's looking like these days, allow yourself to be what you are...tired, sore, overwhelmed... by His manger throne, with me.
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