03 August 2016

the hard.

Tonight we spoke for the 23rd and last time in the last 6 weeks.  We have travelled a gazillion miles, answered the question, "Are we almost there?" about 700 times, met hundreds of special people, slept in dozens of beds, kept our suitcases close and have eaten the food of so many generous family and friends.  It is almost impossible to believe that we only left Haiti the end of June, because it feels like we have done and been at least 6 months worth of places.
We've packed up an entire house containing a lifetime of memories, been to 12 doctor and dentist appointments, tried to stay on top of hundreds of emails from home and afar, and gone through airport security 5 times now with 3 small children (with 2 more times to go...it really is an art to behold).  We have arrived every single time, every single place safely, and every single need we have had...even just for our hearts...He has met.
the Sofias
And Crosspoint was a fantastic finish, worshipping at all three campuses, watching the kids speak and grow, speaking and listening and growing and sharing ourselves.  Crosspoint is some special family, and we are so incredibly thankful for their support and prayers and family.
It has been a hard and good summer, all around.

And the last thing I thought I'd be doing tonight was sobbing.  America's hard, Haiti's hard, the heat, the travel, the tarantulas, small kiddos, the cultures, the languages, it's hard.  

But the hardest part, hands down, is the dear people.

We are c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y making relationships and saying good-bye.  Remember when Lily was 4 and yelled after a visiting team, "Goodbye, I love you, and I will never see you again!"?  Or last week, when my little niece is saying, "Aunt Stacey's coming back soon? Soon?"

Yeah.  That's hard. 

And for the third time this summer, I was driving away tonight with tears pouring, WANTING those relationships daily for my children, wanting those relationships for myself, wanting to BE in those relationships...and saying good-bye instead.

I am the woman who hides in the bathroom when people are leaving because I HATE goodbyes.  I would far rather go saying, "See you tomorrow!" or someone saying, "Stacey says she'll see you soon, go on now!" then deal with the reality that it's always, "See you...someday...probably!"

We could stop building relationships, protecting our nomadic hearts and the nomadic hearts of our children, or we can keep on diving deep and transparent, building and building in His family, letting Him deal with the tears and ache in our hearts.

So we dive.  And I am thankful.
And I am working to rejoice.
  

Dear girls.

Tomorrow morning at 5:30 we head further south for Fort Meyers to spend a few days with Matt's family...they haven't seen the girls since Nora was three weeks old and it is time!

2 comments:

  1. Elaine HeplerAugust 04, 2016

    It is hard being human when our hearts are holding onto Him. Praying that in the day to day there would be joy and the knowledge that there is always that small voice saying "come to me" and knowing that He is always there to give comfort, peace, hope, joy in each thing. Prayers. Elaine

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