just the weekend I needed

This weekend was just what I needed.

I hope that doesn't sound too selfish, but it must not be if He gave it to me.

The weight of so much need....the EXTRA weight since Junior's departure...the extra weight that guilt adds in....

I just needed some peace.  Just a bit of freedom, breaking through the piles of weight, reminding me again that I'm no Lord of anyone's life, and needn't try to be.

That kind of freedom usually comes at a completely unexpected simple breakthrough, at least for me.  And that's what this weekend was.

It all finally broke very unexpectedly on Friday night.  We had pizza with the Heckmans and Leme, Matt's right hand man and our dear and wise friend.  We were all talking about how heavy the week had been with asking, even total strangers coming in the front gate, asking for money.  Alumni we haven't seen for years coming and asking for money.  Schools and churches asking for money.  A stack of parents at the carpool, even, stopping the car to ask for money!

Leme had witnessed much of it, and as we chatted Friday night about how crazy it had all been, and how heavy a weight, he looked at us a bit puzzled, and said with a shrug: "Just say NO."

Seriously, Leme?  Just say no?

This kind and compassionate and wise Haitian man says we should just say no?

Huh.

Maybe we should just say no.

It was like a pair of scissors cut through the rope on a heavy weight.

He went on to talk about how quick we have been and continue to be to help all of our staff, all of our students, the people we are here ministering to and living alongside of, help often given when we have seen crises, without being asked....help often asked for through relationship.

Why would we give money to strangers for strange things we weren't sure of when there is no relationship? he wondered.  Why would we pay to start schools and provide for clubs and camps and soccer balls when we are already pouring our lives and years and finances into a school and it's staff and it's students and it's churches?

The look on dear Leme's face was that that was all just ridiculous.

Why not just DO what you're here to DO? he wondered.

I wondered.

I stopped wondering.

We're just going to do what He's asking us to do.  I'm going to stop worrying about all of the problems of the world and get back to worrying about being Faithful.  Not faithful to solve all the problems...but to the One who is.

Filling in every gap that Junior left is not God's burden for me.  Providing for every need everyone has is not His burden for me.  Being everything that everyone needs is Not. His. Burden for me.

I am incapable.  Inadequate.  Unable.  Only He can fill those gaps, and He is able, more than enough.  And when and as and if He chooses, He can use me.

Leme's reflection reminded me that being in a state that God can be glorified through me IS my burden.  Ready and willing to be used by Him?  That's my burden.  Ready to give and pour out, to forgive and to die, to love and to share as He leads, as I'm faithful...that's my burden.

And THAT burden feels so light, as God said it would, His yoke being easy.

Saturday we worked around the house with our cuties,

And Sunday was with this guy, which was such a GIFT and confirmation of my lighter yoke.

Matt in 2008, with Rodrigue and his son

Before Matt and I had friends in Haiti....before we spoke Creole...before we understood ANYTHING of the culture, there was Rodrigue.  Rodrigue and his class were fourth year students when we moved to Haiti, but they were our first class.  And they were the ones.  They were the ones who taught us to speak, who taught us to teach, who taught us what Haiti was and how beautiful.

Rodrigue, Rosnal, Christophe, Fanfan, Enick, Carcourt...they were truly our family when we were without, and worshipping with Rodrigue and his family this morning was such a gift, and a reminder that we are HERE to invest CHRIST in people.  

It was such a gift to watch Matt and Rodrigue share the Gospel together, with joy and conviction and the power of the Holy Spirit.  To see the fruit of Rodrigue's faithful...beautiful and far from that which money can buy...encouraged our hearts.  To see his perseverance inspired ours.  To see his great joy in unpacking the Word rekindled ours.  To see him faithful in relationships reminded us that it is through relationships that our faithfulness to Christ is lived out. 

Rodrigue's faithful--for all of these years--is wrapped up in this tarp church of PEOPLE.

God's faithful--for all of these years--is wrapped up in this broken world of PEOPLE.

I need not trouble so much about having food. About paying bills. About pleasing each one. About doing it all.

I need only strive to be Faithful to my gracious and loving and Holy God, the Spirit to help me, here or anywhere else.

And THAT was just the weekend I needed.

Just say no...and get back to what in the world you're doing here.