home and Him.

We woke up yesterday morning feeling like we didn't have enough left to even do the day.  I hardly slept all night despite complete and utter exhaustion, emotion and my brain all a jumbled mess.  Leaving home and going home is always a difficult thing, just as leaving home and going home the first week of August will be.  

After Alumni Day, graduation, housing 6 guests, feeding 10 every meal and all the millions of details that come with leaving, by the time 5:30 Saturday morning rolled around, I felt DONE, with a huge and daunting day ahead of me, and a terrible sad task of saying good-bye looming before the sun was ever even in the sky.  

Our ti-kay neighbors became our ti-kay neighbors in November because they were in a really bad situation and needed a good place.  They are a gift we were never expecting, a thousand blessings we never asked for.  But while we are only leaving Haiti for a matter of weeks, in 10 days, they leave Haiti for good and take on the next phase of their life.  

Which means that Sofie yelling, "Night-night Nay-Nay!" across the driveway each night as I tuck her into her crib is finished...our too-late nights of movies and great conversation now finished...Lily running through the field from goat to goat clinging hands with Elli and Dannie at an end...sweet times of laughter and tears, work and play, crisis and celebration with this dear family come to completion.  It's heartbreaking, that's what it is.

The Lord reminded me many times through the night that blessings are meant to be held gratefully, with hands open, not clung to.

Just as my heart was at a crossroads with this graduating class--wanting badly just to KEEP them, our dear brothers, and heartbroken to be sending them out, while fully aware that all we've invested these past four years WAS to send them out!--I'd be quite pleased to hold onto the Aubry's forever, though fully aware that God's orchestrated their paths for the future.

To happily receive blessings, and then be quick to offer them back to God, is a great difficulty.  I'd be quite content to be a blessings hoarder, a clench-fisted friend.  Sharing our blessings with the world, giving them back to Him with a grateful heart can be downright painful!

But instead, Friday, we prayed with our brothers one last time, and sent them off, and Saturday, the Aubry's did the same with us.  

Greg and Cathie travelled as far as the captial with us, which was wonderful, because when you're a bundle of exhaustion and sadness and excitement and struggle, there is nothing better than having mom and dad, and for the hundredth time, Greg and Cathie found themselves playing that role for us...holding our hands, carting our children, speaking wisdom and peace, bestowing great love.

They dropped us at the Port-au-Prince airport, we all got through safely, waved good-bye to our bags and got to the tiny waiting area, only then realizing that our flight wasn't leaving for 5 hours.  We settled in for the long wait and were ready to sit and rest.

And then Sofie started vomiting.

Not spitting up, mind you.  Projectile vomiting.  The first time, all through a man's store, all over Matt's clothes, all over hers.  I'm no rookie.  I had a change of clothes for Sofie.  But I sure didn't have anything for Matt.

We think she's better now.  We get her changed, Matt buys a puffy-painted Haiti tourist shirt, we throw everything in a trash bag, and we set the kids up with games and movies.  

Then she starts vomiting again.  Change of clothes. Bought kid Haiti t-shirts.  Wet wipes.  Apologizing.  Mopping.  And again.

And again.

Eight time throughout our travels, 4 times at the PAP airport and four times on flights, Sofie vomited yesterday.  All over us in our seats with a hundred sighing strangers.  All over Matt's backpack and my jeans when the aisles all start getting off at the gate.  Running though customs, to catch our flight departing only one hour after landing in Atlanta--WITH getting our bags, going through customs, rechecking our bags, going back through security.  

We had no more clothes.  We had no time to get to bathrooms and hose down.

I mean, at 5 am I thought we had just NOTHING left to give, and knowing what we had ahead, the Lord quite miraculously gave us the strength and energy and patience to deal with a horrific day I would NEVER want to repeat.  

No sooner did we land in Columbus at 10 pm last night and plop an vomit-crusted, exhausted little girl in grandpa's arms, but she was healed.  Right as rain.  Hasn't thrown up since, eating like a champ.  What in the world!  Dad wouldn't even have believed us if we hadn't all stank like high heaven with a huge trash bag full of reeking clothes.

So we are safely home, and just at inch number one of processing just the last three days, much less the last year!  

Looking back, the insanity and intensity of the last few days was more than I would have ever thought we could handle.  Such weakness in the face of so much!  And when I think bigger, think of all that has come before us this past year, it was a year I never would have expected we would have made it through, Matt and I.  And yet here we are, with His Power so apparent...His grace and His faithfulness SO obviously receiving the credit.  We simply couldn't have.  And He did.

He has provided every single thing that we needed, from two awesome familys to help us this past year, awesome opportunities to see Him at work through EBS...even down to a dark cool flight with two sleeping girls in the middle of the mess yesterday, and a flight attendant who brought ME a cold cup of water.  

What a day, what a year, what a God.