miracle

As I'm smiling and teaching and calculating and cooking through these days, right behind my temples and right below my collar bone I'm carrying a heavy desire for miracles.

Something like begging.  

I don't even begin to pretend to understand how miracles work.  Maybe that's part of why they're so miraculous:  there is no equation, there is no formula, and even when they mightily come, there is no understanding.  Just wonder, and gratitude, and awe.  

Every single time I shake Pehpay's hand, I remember that TODAY is a miracle for Pehpay.  

Every time I watch Sofie sleep, and I remember my pregnant beg for a miracle moment: "Lord, change the circumstance entirely."

Every time I see the Light in eyes.  

Every time I truly remember and catch a glimpse of His love for me, for others.

And here I am again, looking at two situations that are beyond repair, beyond any reasonable hope, beyond what life has taught me is finished.

My choked-up father reminded me on the phone, when all seems to have already been decided, that he was still praying for a miracle...not even that things would work out, but that things would be entirely different.   Transformed.  My father will never stop teaching me.  

So that's what I'm praying, too.  

As my voice laughs and chats, sings and instructs today, my breath inhales His presence, exhales wordless beggings. 

Beggings for entire transformation for your world, dear Bex, and dear cousin, entire transformation of you.