His care

Be near me Lord Jesus

I ask thee to stay

close by me forever

and love me,

I pray.

Bless all the dear children 

in they tender care

and fit us for heaven

to live with thee there.

Ever since I decided to somehow get to Pittsburgh for the memorial Friday, I've been a bit of a wreck.  I'd take Sofie with me...lap child, free, good.  Cap-Haitian to Port-au-Prince to Miami to Columbus to Pittsburgh, all in 24 hours and all in less than 24 hours from now.  Sofie?  Was that a good idea?  What about Lily?  

I've NEVER left the girls.  And DEFINITELY never left them in a different country than where I was going to be.  EVER.

How could I leave them?  What if something happened?  What if they needed me?  What if Matt went insane? 

But, I continued to feel like after NOT being there dozens of times over the past 6 years when my family wanted and needed me to be, I needed to be there THIS time.

I packed for Sofie and I.  Unpacked Sofie.  Repacked.  Unpacked.  Got the neighbors to all swear to cook and help (just in case Matt only feeds them M&Ms and goldfish crackers :).  Got my final exam for Friday covered.  Finished stuffing envelopes for teacher salaries.  Put out meals for the next few days, scheduled Gertha and Micheline and Noel to help...Went and told the students and staff so as to not make a previous culturally horrendous mistake of NOT saying Good-Bye.  

Did everything I could.

But was still feeling sick over leaving my sweet-cheeked-ones.

This Christmas, after reading Lily her bedtime Bible stories, I've been singing through hymns of Christmas from my old hymn book.  She's been falling asleep, and the time for me has been downright devotional...there are some powerful lyrics and transforming truths in some of those Christmas hymns!  (And the word "ass" quite a few times as well, but we've been changing that to one-syllabled "goat" :)

Tonight, as I was singing Away in a Manger to Lily, the above lyrics from the last line finally calmed my heart. 

I'll be all over the place tomorrow.  As will my dad and sister.  My girls and best friend will be staying here.  And all I'm asking is that He stay close by us each, and LOVE us.  Be near us.

Bless my dear children in your tender care.  

Fit us for heaven, like Grandpa, to live with you there.

And as her Bible story of Jesus calming the storm from this evening reminded me again:  do I believe in fear or do I believe in HIM?  

So, choosing to believe in His promises, again, to watch over my children and to go with me as well, I am off at 6 am, back as quick as I can Monday.

Sarah let me borrow a pair of pants (is that pathetic or what?  I don't even have a PAIR OF JEANS on the island!), Matt's pushing me onward, I'm anxious to finally be with my dad in all this.  We'd all continue to appreciate your prayers!