And while I was really liking the material from a book on Christian character I was using to lead, it seemed that as long as I had the book, or even just information from the book that the women couldn't see in their Bibles, I was always going to be "in charge." The ladies sat poised with pens in hand waiting to dutifully scribble down whatever I said.
By Christmas break, we were all frustrated by ever-changing meeting times, missed sessions, and a classroom-type atmosphere. We called it quits for the month's vacation, vowing to try again in the new year.
I stewed and prayed and prayed and stewed over break, wondering how I could lead a stretching, open, intentional, personal, intimate, meaningful Bible study with a group of women from age 20-60, from five different areas, in varying stages of life, in varying "levels" of work, some of which can not read, in Creole as a SISTER in Christ...not as a missionary or foreigner...WITH 2 little girls and no child care (because I wanted the child care to be IN the study).
Man.
I put the book away, changed the location to our home, chose Sofie's nap time, asked someone else to lead all the welcoming words, singing, and prayer time (truly cultural elements that I'm just not ever going to get quite right), and we began again.
The first week I truly felt like a terrible mom for 'making' Lily be a participant, or at least present, at a Bible study not aimed for her level. But you know what? As soon as I spread Bibles across the table and got out my hymnal, Lily disappeared into her bedroom and came back out with her Bible. She picked a chair around the table, and as women came, she ran to the door, opened it, and greeted each one.
I felt so humbled...I had regretted and intentionally avoided having to expose my child to women gathering together to study the Word...and had kept her from joining in!
ouch.
After my first sister Haitian-properly set the stage, we started in a very small chunk of Philippians 1 (short for my non-readers). We read the passage, then read it again verse by verse, with me asking short questions after each verse....What do you think that means? Why do you think he said that? What else does the Bible say about that? How can we apply that to our own lives? What does this mean for us?
Everyone was very pensive the first week. The second week's conversation got wildly out of hand and then mostly focused on why women wearing pants is a sin, even if you have a very large derrière and they are just much more comfortable for you.
But today?
Today was awesome.
We got to verse 12: I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the Gospel.
I shared with my sisters that I want to be able to say this: that whatever I have been through or am going through, however I have suffered or rejoiced, that I have lived it in a way that advances the Gospel.
We talked for a few moments, I could see everyone thinking about their own lives, and then one of the women shared a time in her life when her young daughter died of cancer.
"I didn't go to church, I didn't sing in the choir, I didn't do anything for a whole year. I felt like God had let my daughter die. I wanted to hurt Him like He had hurt me.
"I repented later and got back to church, but I just now realized that my children, my neighbors and everyone else watched me turn away from God.
"For an entire year I did nothing to bless Him, and I never once took advantage of my suffering to give Him glory or to bring others to Him. I'm so sorry!"
I watched as the other women quickly gathered around her and shared encouragement and prayers.
And that was it. Everyone shared trials and heartbreaks, times they had given Him glory, and times they had turned their backs on our Heavenly Father. We read more of His Word, and it was SO GOOD. His Word is so good. It is convicting. Restoring. Encouraging. Inspiring. No help needed.
When we all lifted up our voices together to pray for each other at the end of our second hour, we were all praising the Lord for our time together. We had studied the Word together and He had fed us and spoken through our experiences to grow closer to Him.
As I closed my English Bible and Lily closed her toddler Bible and Creole Bibles closed all around, I was so thankful that His Word is alive and speaks, that He does stuff every day that only HE can do, and that He has given us each other to share it with.
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