steadfast of mind

"I ask you, Jesus, that you give us your Spirit of stability," one of my first year students prayed yesterday morning before class in broken English.  It was as if the prayer escaped his lips, whipped around the room and hit me in the chest.

Strong desire took my breath away while he finished...YES.  Your Spirit.  Stability.  I want that.


To be honest, I didn't even realize till that moment that I was feeling unstable, or that His steady presence was something I was missing.

After all, it was November and December that had been so wobbly.  I was SO sick, causing lots of schedule changes, ministry changes, emotions, frustrations.  The political situation in Haiti was almost chaotic, with some days being quiet and full of students and other days being on "campus arrest" and hearing reports of fires, riots, bottles and violence.  Cholera fears, scares and deaths were keeping me on constant edge with Lily licking the dirt off her shoes every time it looked like it could be brown sugar.

Then, we headed to the States, which while enjoyable, is ALWAYS a very volatile time for us...tons of time in planes, in the van, traveling everywhere, trying to see everyone, Christmas shopping, doctor's appointments, the fluctuation of pregnancy reports, Lily, staying in lots of different places and living mostly out of our suitcase.

But that was all months ago, right?  Upon returning to Haiti the beginning of January, He gifted us with a sustained time of deep peace and joy.  The country was calmer, cholera is diminishing, my morning sickness was over, Lily was SO happy to be home, and Matt and I breathed deeply in the light of His salvation, great love, the joyful call on our lives and the great peace we have in Him.

Yet somehow these past two weeks, I have gone from being deeply rooted, contented and satisfied in HIM to feeling downright DESPERATE for two minutes of unwavering, strong, nourishing and still time of Him.

I realized yesterday that I have somehow again let "life": what it tells me, what it brings me, what it shows me, what it demands from me... trump Christ: what HE tells me, what HE brings me to, what HE shows me, what HE asks.

The steadfast of mind
You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You


says Isaiah 26:3.  How are these 'steadfast of mind' so steadfast!!!???  I WANT to be steadfast of mind!  I want that to be mirrored in how I speak...not just to the students, but to my co-workers, to our mission family, to MY family, to Matt and Lily.  I want "steadfast of mind" to be obvious in the secret places of my heart.  I want to be steadfast of nerves.  Steadfast of speech.  Steadfast of emotion.

And I want to be kept in perfect peace!  Despite whatever situations, confrontations, to-do lists, mood or daily encounter...steadfast of mind and in perfect peace, not tossed about by every wave.

I mean, doesn't that sound NICE?  Better than any beach?  Hot cup of coffee?  Good book?  Quiet Saturday? Hot shower?

Today, it doesn't just sound NICE to me.  It sounds NECESSARY.  I can't live like this! Up and down, back and forth, completely in the hands of each passing whim or emotion, blessing or burden.

I have experienced steadfast of mind.  It is possible, as Isaiah says.  It is possible IF we TRUST in Him.

"Trust", when trying to be translated into Creole, comes out as "confidence" or "putting your confidence in" and "believe."

The steadfast of mind

You will keep in perfect peace,

Because he 'puts all his confidence' in You

If HE is always the same, never changing...if HE is stable...if HE is the Truth...Light...Clarity...Solid Rock...Unending...Unconditional...and if I put all my confidence and trust upon Him...then how could I NOT also be in peace...steadfast?

How could you literally mold yourself into ONE with a granite boulder and then be easily tossed about by a gust of WIND?  Not possible.

Once again, it all comes down to trust.  Do I trust Him, or don't I?  Is this about Him, or isn't it?  Is He everything that I say He is, or isn't He?

I do.  It is.  HE IS.

THANKFUL this morning that He doesn't even ask us to trust Him on our own strength, but offers His perfect help even in this.  

Praying 'perfect peace' for you each and that we each might be 'the steadfast of mind'...not because we're trying to, performing for it, or working to earn or find or achieve it...but just because we trust in Him.