Last night, God brought me to realize that THIS is the life I have been living in Him...each morning, praying for Him to "update" my soul. "Help me to DO better, BE better, LOVE better, try harder, be more patient, be more kind, be more like You than I was yesterday," I always pray.
Install Update, Please. Continue.
But last night, I wrestled with the Lord and my heart. I was tired of updates. Tired of the daily seeking the "improved" version of Stacey, and feeling my humanness and constant LACK. I just keep failing and falling short and trying harder and falling short and there HAS to be something different, something more than this to our Christian walk!
With Lily sleeping soundly in the room next to me, and Matt snoring softly in bed, I sat with my candle, Bible and "Jesus Paid it All" playing softly over and over, staring out into the midnight sky, watching the night guards flashing beams of light across the yards.
Slowly as the dawn, He spoke clearly, clearly to me of His great love for me. His great love for you. And it was through that revelation of His great love that understanding came. How had I missed it? How had I forgotten? Forgotten that in His great love, Jesus didn't die for "improved updates" of Stacey?
I was NOT redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from my futile ways, but with PRECIOUS blood, the blood of Christ!
He didn't die for me, isn't full of love for me, that I might still live a life enslaved to MYSELF, my "good efforts", the actions or words of others, my lofty goals or dreams, to sin, to selfishness...
He died to create in me a NEW CREATION. Not an improved creation. Not so that I could try hard, better. Not so that I could react to others words and actions. Not so that I could work harder to be Holy each day.
NO. He died that I might BE HOLY. That I might BE like Him! That my actions and thoughts and speech might be ENTIRELY directed by HIM and not at all by others or my circumstances or situations. He died that I might DIE to others, not 'try to be loving' to others. He set me FREE from the influence of my surroundings on my attitude, behavior and choices.
He died that I might "fix my hope completely on the grace of Jesus. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former things which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, BE HOLY yourselves in ALL your behavior, because it is written, You Shall be Holy, for I am Holy!" 1 Peter 1:13-15.
I don't have to live my old life, everyday before today, any longer. He died to give me NEW life, and has made me a NEW creation. THIS MORNING. Today.
That is what we are today. New creations. Free, so that we do not have to be AT ALL hindered or influenced by who we were yesterday, what we did yesterday, who is in our lives, our jobs, our families, our co-workers, our pasts, or our futures.
ALL that matters for us, family, is who HE IS today.
I don't have to live based on who I am today, who Matt is, who she is, who they are, what they do, what they say, what I feel, what I think. I can truly LIVE and FEEL and SPEAK and ACT based on who HE IS. I've been falling so short of this, trying and striving on my own strength, and last night, He brought me back, not by discipline or guilt, but by His Love.
What joy has filled my heart in my re-new-found freedom this morning!...as it says in 1st Peter 1:8..."Though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory."
It's not just about being forgiven for our sins. It's about being FREE from them, free from ME, free from you, free from circumstances, and able to live instead as HIS. I'm free from myself and able to be Holy as He is by His blood! Praise the Lord!
I'm having trouble articulating! Hoping my ramblings, hoping the cross, means something to you, New Creation You, today...
I hear the Savior say,
Your strength, indeed, is small
Child of weakness, watch and pray
Find in me, your All in All.
Lord, now, indeed I find
Your power, and Yours alone
Can change the lepers spots
And melt my heart of stone.
Jesus paid it ALL.
All, to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washED it white as snow!
Amen, how thankful for new days, grace, mercy and forgiveness and re creation.
ReplyDelete"Our sins are cast . . . as far as the east is from the west" "His mercies are new every morning" What tremendous promise is contained in His Word and you have so eloquently summarized. Give Lily a big kiss from Uncle Martin (and Matt!!LOL)
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