by His grace, unashamed.

"Kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you.

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity,

but of power and of love and of discipline.

Do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord,

but join with me [Paul] in the suffering for the gospel

according to the power of God,

Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling

not according to our works,

but according to His own purpose and grace

which was granted to us in Christ for all time.

This is why I am not ashamed,

because I know whom I have believed in,

and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him.

If we DIE with Him, we will LIVE with Him

If we ENDURE, we will REIGN

if we DENY Him, He will DENY us

If we are faithless, He remains faithful.

Remind them of these things,

and charge them in the presence of God

not to wrangle over words,

which leads to the ruin of the hearers.

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God

as a workman who does not need to be ashamed,

accurately handling the word of truth.

Avoid worldly and empty chatter,

for it will lead to further ungodliness,

and their talk will spread like gangrene.

The firm foundation of God stands, having this seal:

"The Lord knows those who are His" and

"Everyone who names the name of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness."

The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome,

but be kind to all

able to teach

patient when wronged

with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition,

so that perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth

and that they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil,

having been held captive by him to do his will.

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come."

2nd Timothy 1-2

I have read this passage a hundred times, but the Lord lit it up to a new dimension for me today.

But these last two weeks have been different kinds of weeks. We haven't been in the classroom. We haven't been teaching, haven't been sending. These last two weeks, we've had the precious opportunity to be going, to be doing more than normal, and wow, is He stretching me!

If you're like me, you may be thinking: "I have never really been the Power-and-Discipline kind of person. Never really had to face being ashamed of the gospel, or suffering in His name, or dying with Him."

Matt usually has no problem with this. When he hears a lie, he speaks the truth. Boldly, inconveniently, without favoritism, usually with Biblical reference and regardless of possible criticism or sufferance.

Frankly, I am usually quite glad to have Matt do that. Now, the truth has been represented, I can stand gladly behind my husband, and possibly affirm the truth with a nod, suffering minor persecution gladly because of his stands.

The Lord has known for a long time, then, I suppose, that I am a chicken. And that I HATE confrontation, usually becoming completely silent whenever there is any upheaval or heated discussion, silently wishing we could all just eat cake and tell funny stories about first dates or the best Christmases or go to our rooms and think for a while or something...even if the discussion was godly.

But today I realized how much growth, surrender, trust and confidence in the Lord I have been missing out on by hiding behind Matt or staring at the floor.

I won't go into detail, but today the Lord gave me a special opportunity to DO what 2nd Timothy is saying..."Power, love, discipline, do not be ashamed, entrust to Him, retain the sound words in faith, remind them of these things, be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman, correct with gentleness."

He wouldn't let me out of it. I was one of 12 learning about the New Testament model for church reproduction. (Not American model, not Haitian model, not a method: the Biblical model...truly good stuff!)

Matt, who normally would have been there with me and Lily, had been needed down at the new seminary site all morning to help Don, Abel, Maxi and Magwa pour sidewalks. If I hadn't gone until the afternoon with him, I would have missed a huge part of the training. So I went, NOT to speak, just to silently attend and learn.

There were several discussions that I silently contributed to, challenging some of the points in my mind, wishing Matt was there to say them. But then it happened.

One man began to speak, and quickly crossed from opinion to a highly unbiblical theory, spoken in front of the group as truth. This important man made it heatedly clear: what was sufficient in Jesus's day is NOT sufficient anymore. Jesus rode on a donkey then. Today, he would drive around Cap-Haitien in a beautiful car. Two thousand years ago, Jesus was hungry, poor and homeless. Today, he would live in Haiti like a king. We, therefore, can follow this time-evolution model of Christ and expect riches and honor as well.

I waited for someone to give correction.

Please, someone speak up.

Whew, someone did. But wait...He not only agreed, but elaborated. Christ came to give us abundant life: sure, spiritually, but also abundant financially and physically. We cannot offer Christ spiritually if we don't offer abundant food, money, prestige...

I was growing VERY uncomfortable. Where in the world was Matt to gently correct and speak the truth! Didn't Lily need to eat now? Wasn't it time for a break?

Looking directly at me (I have NO idea why...I had said NOTHING up to this point), speaking directly to me, he said it again, "We cannot just give Jesus. People don't just need Jesus. Maybe back then they did, but not now. An empty bag cannot stand. Without food, clothes, some money, medical care, education, opportunity, Jesus has no value. Do you understand, MISS???" he said, finishing the argument with a contented grunt from a large portion of the group, smiling at me with nothing but challenge in his voice.

My mouth was dry. He was speaking to me. And he was speaking a LIE. My mind flickered for a moment on the "Dave and the Giant Pickle" VeggieTales video Lily and I had watched this morning, telling the story of David and Goliath...Goliath, taunting David's God and God's people...David, appalled and absolutely unwilling (to the point of insanely taking the giant on) to allow the lie to hang in the air.

Lily began to fuss...my perfect opportunity to mutter something and disappear.

But then I knew God took me to 2nd Timothy this morning. "Be Strong" was for chicken ME. "I know in whom I believe, and am convinced that He is able" was for lets-eat-cake-please ME.

And so I did it.

"I understand what you are saying, Pastor" I said, praying for courage and truth and the words. "I understand what you are saying. What you are saying is that CHRIST IS NOT ENOUGH. You are saying that what He did on the cross is NOT ENOUGH without rice!"

And I talked about Paul. And I talked about the disciples, and about Jesus and talked about all the people who had NO earthly "blessing" to show for their abandonment to Christ, who enjoyed no pleasures, no power, no riches, no happy families,no beautiful homes and no beautiful churches...only broken bones, homeless nights, empty bellies, taunted days, beatings, floggings, persecution, suffering, starvation, and the FULLNESS OF CHRIST.

"There is NOTHING ELSE needed," I finally said, boldly, quite surprising myself.

"So if you had NOTHING," he quizzed, the group silent, "Only Christ spiritually, no food, no home, no family, no baby, no friends, no NOTHING, only Christ, that would be enough?"

Oh Lord, help me.

"I hope it to be true," I said honestly, staring into his taunting eyes with all sincerity and His love.

"With all my heart."

"Oh" he said, finally quietly. His eyes flickered and he looked at the ground, and I knew that he saw my heart of hearts and knew I sincerely believed His Word to be TRUE, believed Christ to be ALL.

Thankfully, a much more brave and well-spoken believer jumped in here and shared some Biblical truth and Godly wisdom that covered the opposition better than I. But as I sat down, quite despised, powerful men glowering angrily at me, I was entirely, completely, joyfully unashamed, unafraid and unshaken.

Despite this beautiful opportunity for growth and to listen to His voice over my own, it has been a rather heart-breaking day, even hearing such things and knowing power, success and wealth to be an ever-rampant goal and motivation in the hearts of men.

Perhaps we have not had to suffer much, not had to die, not had to be imprisoned, not had to speak up. Or perhaps we have not gotten to do so.

"Difficult times are coming." May we begin to speak, may we be able to unashamedly suffer for the beautiful cause of Christ...not because He needs tiny-us to defend Him...only He can change the hearts of men...but because He allows us to!

May He be above all. May He be enough...with all our hearts.